Selfish Mommy? *kinda long*

KevsLove

Hi ladies,

We moved to a pretty rural town about a year ago and though I've made a few friends with kids (mostly people from my church) DD and I don't really see them much outside of Sunday mornings. There are no swim lessons for anyone under the age of 5 and no activities that aren't 30-45 minutes outside of town. The local parks are pretty crummy (even dangerous) and my backyard is completely unsafe as well, with an 8 foot dead-drop into our neighbours yard (landlords are fighting us on a fence and moving isn't an option at the moment). In addition to all that the local mommy group shuts down for the summer so DD has virtually ZERO socialization. Now we're due with DS in October and I'm finding the last half of this pregnancy very uncomfortable so running after DD and crawling after her isn't all that easy. One of the ladies from my prenatal group suggested that maybe DD would benefit from going to daycare for a few days a week, to socialize her and give me a bit of a rest and the ability to get stuff done around the house (set up DS's nursery, laundry, clean etc.) I went by the daycare here in town and checked it out. It looked really nice, the staff were great about answering my questions and very helpful and DD seemed interested in what the other kids were doing. I just don't know... Part of me thinks this would be an answer to prayer while on the other hand I feel as if I'm being a totally selfish mom, pushing my DD off on other people to make my life easier. Thoughts?

AshleighW13

I used to work at a daycarem I have mixed feeling about this. If she were to be there from open to close all five days of the week then I can see people frowning on that, but we had a couple of pregnant SAHM's drop there child off 1 or 2 days a week from about 8-3 and I didn't see anything wrong with that. This is an issue that everyone has an opinion on so I think you have to decide for yourself

sarahcatie

I don't see that as a big deal.  A lot of my students continue going to daycare over the summer a few days a week for a few hours for the socialization aspect.  I think it would be great for her to get to know her peers (I'm also from a rural area so I'm guessing these are going to be the kiddos in her class some day?) and it can give you some much needed time to get ready (just like you said)!  I don't think that makes you selfish at all!

sleepy33

Uh, I really don't think it's a 'hot button' issue at all, it sounds to me a lot like Mother's Day Out. Obviously OP only said a couple of days a week. I think it sounds lovely! Great for socialization and some alone time for you to get your own stuff taken care of.

lbethke99

AshleighW13 said:

I used to work at a daycarem I have mixed feeling about this. If she were to be there from open to close all five days of the week then I can see people frowning on that, but we had a couple of pregnant SAHM's drop there child off 1 or 2 days a week from about 8-3 and I didn't see anything wrong with that. This is an issue that everyone has an opinion on so I think you have to decide for yourself

I agree- If you were to drop her off a few days a week= no biggie. You need some time to relax and get stuff done. I wish I could find a good daycare to drop my ds off a few days a week. I am so over dealing with him while pg all day everyday. I think that dropping him off at daycare would be a good thing for both of us! 

Good luck

HFrizzle

I don't think its a big deal at all, just like the other PP's have said. As long as she isn't there all day all week, then a couple days a week isn't going to hurt anyone. Plus think of it this way, when you start going to appt. more often, it will be nice to not have to take her along and try to entertain her while your doc is explaining things or doing exams.

Wino0920

Use the daycare!

KimCousino

Do it! I agree a couple days a week is totally worth it. You benefit with alone time to get things done at your own pace & your daughter gets the opportunity to socialize.
I feel terrible about sending my kids to daycare while on bed rest so I totally get where you're coming from.

shelley1002

I agree with the others a couple days a week could be good for both of you.  I say go for it.

Scientist23

I've seriously thought about this just so that DS can learn to play with other kids.  I think that socialization is super important, and if you aren't able to provide it then by all means let someone else do it! 

I also think that I'm going to be putting DS in day care a couple of days a week after LO is born during my mat leave.  I think it'll be good for everyone!

JenMatt2010

Go for it! She will love it and you'll get some time to relax. I would just call and see what part-time options they offer. Like PP said, I would only do 2 or 3 half days per week, but it will be nice for her to have something to do when new baby arrives too!

RedZee

I sort of think it's selfish for you NOT to do it. She will have so much more fun playing with kids and being involved in activities than staying home all day with one person. It will also be easier for her to have a baby at home if she's used to being around other kids. I'm not really a fan of kids staying completely isolated from other children and activities when their parents are home with them. It's awesome to be a SAHM, but it means you have to have engage your child and figure out opportunities for your kid to interact with others.

allymp13

shelley1002 said:

I agree with the others a couple days a week could be good for both of you.  I say go for it.

This

MrsMommyQ

I agree with everyone--I say do it. I'm a SAHM (sometimes I work part time as an adjunct professor at a college near me) and DD goes to preschool 2 mornings week. This summer, I'm home the entire time and DD is going to camp 2 mornings a week. She LOVES it.

I mostly did it for the social aspect--I wasn't looking for her to learn advanced calculus, but she really has learned so so so much from it. Some of the stuff is academic (she JUST turned 3 and recognizes all the letters) but most of it is social. She waits her turn, is cooperative. In general it's all so postiive. It was the best decision we could have made.

norbert5

If it was in our budget right now I would be taking my girls to a day care for at least a couple of hours a week. 

I am exhausted and could use a physical and mental break.

Jenball717

How old is dd? Is an early preschool an option? I did that with my dd to get her socializing and learning rules away from home but was comforted knowing it was improving her as well and focused on learning age appropriate skills. It was good for both of us!

jorkz821

Absolutely do it! For PPs though - why would it only be ok if it was a couple times a week, not full time? Assuming $ not an issue.

KevsLove

@Jenball717 DD turned 2 in June.

Ladies you've done wonders for my heart today. I've been feeling really bad about this and reading your responses have helped me a lot. DH and I talked about this after putting DD to bed and we think we're going to give it a go. You are all wonderful, thank you so much for your insight!