Hindsight is 20/20

pbandjmom

This is kind of random, but I'm wondering if anyone else feels like this:

My husband and I just started TTC in March, and most of our friends already have kids. I'm younger than my husband, so we waited for a few years after getting married because I was traveling a lot and starting a new career. Now that we're TTC I feel like I'm later than I'd like to be to the kids game. Almost as if I do wish we had started trying earlier. 

Obviously you can't really change the past, but anyone go through this "We need to wait - OK I'm ready - crap, probably should have started sooner" feeling?

I hope that make sense. It's kind of difficult to describe!

jaytee16

I have briefly thought about that, I didn't imagine that after a year of trying I'd still be hoping to see a BFP one day.  But then I realize we weren't really ready before that, and when you first start, you have no idea if it will take you 1 month, 6 months, a year or more...you have to be ready that it could happen that first month.  We waited until we were ready and I think that was for the best.  Plus, as you said, you've traveled and started a new career - I think those are pretty invaluable experiences.

pbandjmom

We were most definitely in the ignorant "it'll happen the first month" boat. Lesson learned! ::smacks forehead::

ksuRN09

Totally know how you're feeling. I look back and almost want to laugh at how worried we were about getting pregnant before we were ready. It's frustrating at times.

WillCMyInk

I'm kind of going through that right now. DH had wanted to start trying right when we got married but I wanted to wait and work and go back for my Master's degree. I have mixed feelings on it all. There are days I just wish I had tried earlier, but at the same time I'm really proud of everything I've done in the years we waited.

Like they say, everything happens for a reason.

britt6292

My situation is not exactly the same because we do have a child but we really struggled with deciding when to try for a sibling. When we decided the "time was right" I knew I was ready for another baby. Now, 9 months later I am regretting waiting to try because our kids are going to be farther apart in age than I would have liked. But, in the same way, if we had tried earlier and gotten pregnant the first month maybe I would have felt like we rushed it? I guess we will never know! Good luck to you! Try to stay positive and enjoy the journey!

karmajupiter

:::raises hand:::

I certainly went through those thoughts and feelings.  Right before we started trying for our DS we had a pregnancy scare and that is when we realized we were finally ready to start a family.  It took us a year to conceive him which came as such a shock to both of us because we really believed it was going to happen quicker than that.  Damn you sex ed, damn you.

MissLadyTay

One of my best friends wishes they had started several years ago. They are in their mid thirties and its taking longer than she would like. I sympathize but on the other hand she loudly and frequently voiced how unready she was three years ago (when we were trying) and I believed her.

mrs_tacos

I don't have that feeling as much as my husband does. He'll be 30 next August, and he'd really like to have our first before he hits that age. He'd always said that he wanted our first before his 30's, but it kinda snuck up on him. I'd tell him that if that's what he wanted, we only had x amount of time, and he always brushed it off until this spring when it finally just hit him. I remember that day, because he came home from work, and he had a panicked look on his face, and he said, "We need to have a baby- I just realized I'm getting old!" Haha! 

But I agree with @llysylvis that the "what if" game is dangerous territory. You can't change the past or control the future, but when you finally get your baby, it won't matter anymore if you're a little older than you had hoped. Good luck! 

Nicole and Chris

I always said I didn't want to be 30 when I started having kids as my mom was 30 when she had me. Then I turned 27, 28, 29 and I'm sitting here at 30 going "where did the time go?!" lol I hear ya. Like you said, can't change the past. So time to start moving forward TTC!! :-)

jjgrl55

Mostly I wish I had done a few months of charting and temping before actually trying so that I could have gotten a handle on my ovulation and gotten BC out of my system before actually trying. It feels like the first months of trying were a total waste because I am 90% sure I wasn't ovulating at all at that point.

jenb_99

I was 29 when we started even considering TTC, and I was 30 when I had DS. DH and I had been together 9 years and married 6. Being a slightly older parent isn't a bad thing, but it's definitely different. I think the most difficult thing about it is that my parents are older too, and I know they won't get to be a part of our kids' lives for as long as I'd like. That makes me sad sometimes.

So no, I don't wish we'd started earlier, bc neither of us was ready earlier, but I do understand that our decision came with some consequences, and we have to work that much harder to make the most of it.

ladyteach0505

Oh, I relate to this.

My husband and I are young, in my opinion, (26) and I don't feel like we waited THAT long. However, we live in a farm town where people are married at 21, pregnant by 22 and done having kids by the time they're our ages.  I was like you and seriously thought I would get pregnant the first month because I had never taken birth control.  I would hear other people talking about how horrible it was to wait for the BFP and kind of feel this smug "Oh, that will never be us" feeling.  Dumb dumb dumb.

I do wish, in hindsight, that we would have started trying a year ago---especially now that there are potential health issues for me on the table.  At the same time, I was watching NBC the other day and they featured the story of a young woman (35, I think) who has been diagnosed with lung cancer and has a 6-month prognosis.  Prior to her diagnosis, she and her boyfriend had plans to get married and were just waiting for the right time.  And then the diagnosis came.  It was such a hard piece to watch because I thought, "God, hindsight is a fickle bitch.  And anyway, what are my problems compared to hers?"   

You can't predict the future.  You do the best you can in the present and try to not worry about what you might have done differently if it doesn't work out the way you planned.  I think trying to get pregnant is one of the ultimate, "Eff you and your plans" situations from the universe.

Valie18

From a young age I was aware that people in my family had fertility problems, and/or miscarriages, and/or children with chromosomal abnormalities. You just never know - and it's a big reason DH and I started TTGP as soon as we were married and employed. 

I surprised a doctor at school today "Why are you taking Folic acid?" well... I'm sure as heck not waiting another two years to finish my degree then a year or more on top of that to get established with a new employer to start trying.

The timing might not be perfect but we will make it work given the opportunity.

rlyttle

Some days I feel like we should have started having kids sooner, and some days I think we should have waited even longer. There never is a PERFECT time. Everything seems to work out in the end.

merebear09

I am nodding along to so many pp. I think the hardest thing for me has been to realize that this trying to get pregnant thing is really outside our control. Preventing it is something that we can actively manipulate, but then when you're ready...you're ready, and even if you do everything "right," you can still come up empty-handed. There's such an emphasis on perfect use for contraception (or you WILL get pregnant), that it seems reasonable to think one bout of unprotected sex is all it takes. Nobody told us that it was going to take so long!!!  

themrsJRD

I can somewhat relate.. most of my friends already have children and most were unplanned, so it's been a little different to be on the "planning" end of it. Now that we were ready to casually try and had a loss in April, I kinda got cold feet. Even though I love the idea of being pregnant right now and sometimes I feel like my clock is ticking (even though I feel I'm still young at 26), I feel like before we really start to try we have so much we can do. Things that are harder to do once you expand your family. Hopefully this doesn't come back to bite me though, because as you say, hindsight is 20/20.

I am a firm believer in things happening when they are supposed to happen. So I will just keep putting my faith in that, I guess.

flutepharm87

Depends on who I'm hanging out with. My friends from high school have kids in grade school right now and I feel so left behind in the parenting game. My friends of college are mostly unmarried and/or just starting their families for the first time, so we feel like we kind of left them behind. There are very few friends we have that are in a similar stage as us. We're the weirdo monkeys in the middle

pbandjmom

Aww well Im glad I'm not the only one who thinks about this kind of thing, no matter how much I felt my original post made no sense - glad it did!

Thanks, ladies! Here's to moving forward.