milking pregnancy — The Bump
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milking pregnancy

Hi there, I am a little curious how common it is for women to milk their pregnancy symptoms, i have a friend who got pregnant in February and she found out like 4 weeks or whatever, and by then she was already complaining that "baby doesn't want me to eat" or "oh, baby must not like this smell i have to leave" and shed run out super dramatically.... now shes about 7 months along and for the past 2 months has not returned my phone calls or texts, and also a few other friends either.. and so my husband asked hers, and he spoke to her and she claims that "non pregnant girls will never understand what i am going through so i cannot put myself around them" and she prefers to hang out with other already mommies.. I am not sure what to do, I've tried going over and talking to her but she never answer's the door and if she does claims shes too busy to talk and closes it right away in my face... I understand i'm not pregnant, and i may not understand the stress and worry and changes, But is this behavior normal? I love my friend to pieces and i just want to understand it better, So if any other mommies out there or ladies TTC can offer me any advice and whatnot on it, i would appreciate it.
 
dogs

Re: milking pregnancy

  • Your friend is crazy. Definitely not normal.
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  • I did not think it was normal as both my SIL's have both had kids, and during their pregnancy, they were the usual hormonal and experienced the symptoms and it was whatever, but for her she is going over the top with it...I was just feeling like maybe she was right and i did not understand..Her poor husband i do not know how he does it.
    dogs
  • I gasped at "non pregnant girls will never understand what i am going through so i cannot put myself around them".

    That is not normal at all.

  • Well you are a bit in the wrong for assuming she is milking it and apparently she was just supposed to suck up her morning sickness and not leave when she could.

    But holy hell to her. Was she by chance a bridezilla? Because her attitude certainly lends itself to that.


    Oh it wasn't me saying suck it up, it was milking it on how dramatically she would do it, like if we were out somewhere, it seemed like the entire building needed to know she was pregnant and this smell or feeling she had, needed to go away, like i'm not kidding when i say she would dramatically run out of a place if she smelt the tiniest thing, and she'd get outside and gasp for air.... That is the part i kind of expected she would handle a little more differently..

    And yes, for her wedding she was a bridezilla... She was my maid of honor for my wedding last summer and she threw a hissy fit because us girls we starting to decorate and hanging out during the day time and she had to work, so she cried to her husband who called my husband complaining who then gave me shit because i did not include her enough, That little story is not related to this, but that's why i'm wondering..
    dogs
  • TeeJ526 said:
    I gasped at "non pregnant girls will never understand what i am going through so i cannot put myself around them".

    That is not normal at all.
    Yeah... that part was as hard to type out as it was to hear it. I could not believe it,
    dogs
  • Did you act that way every day though? like anywhere you went?  That's exactly what she does.
    dogs
  • Burybuck: Your friend sounds like a high-maintenance drama queen.  Based on how she behaved as your maid of honor (really, YOUR wedding should not be all about meeting HER needs) I can imagine her attitude will not change.  Everything is always about her.  I can't have friendships with people like that because they're always one-sided.  I'd let her come to you when/if she's ready.  Not sure how emotionally attached you are to your friend (I imagine you are quite attached if she was your MOH) but maybe focus on cultivating other friendships - friendships that won't take a break when one of you gets pregnant!
  • Maybe she felt like her friends weren't giving her any attention? My friends are doting on me, and although it's not my style.. I let them. Maybe she feels like she was getting shafted because she wasn't showing yet and complete strangers weren't smiling or opening doors yet? She sounds like a high maintenance friend. I think you did right by checking on her and showing you care... But the door swings both ways. Either she will come around or she won't. I have to say, I've dropped some people that I thought were my world when I became pregnant. 1) I got super sick and couldn't deal with making dinner plans, or long drives to their houses. And 2) they don't have kids. When you don't have kids.. Your mind is not on the same level. They were fine with smoking pot and long nights hanging out watching tv. These are things I didn't mind when I wasn't pregnant. But now... I think back at the conversations we had, and the idle time, and the stupid fun things we did... And I smile. But I don't want to go back there.
  • MandJS said:
    Am I the only one DYING to know what this lady's bridal and baby showers were like?

    OP - you need new friends. Seriously.
    I unfortunatly could not attend her bridal shower as i was in the hospital at the time, she has not had a baby shower yet as far as i know. But I really do not think i want to be there... I have a great bunch of other friends that are all feeling as upset with her as i am, so we all have somewhat agreed to just cut her loose, 
    dogs
  • Twinkie0612Twinkie0612
    5000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Third Anniversary
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    edited July 2013

     

    MandJS said:
    Am I the only one DYING to know what this lady's bridal and baby showers were like?

    OP - you need new friends. Seriously.

    There is zero chance I would attend a baby shower for someone who couldn't be around non pregnant women because they don't understand what she is going through.

    OP- Sometimes it's just easier to let some friendships go.  I was friends with a coworker and even agreed to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.  She turned into a major bridezilla (She would constantly tell me how she didn't even want a stupid wedding and she couldn't wait until it was over.  I wished I had known how little she cared before I shelled out a few hundred dollars to get a bridesmaid dress, shoes, hair and make up done, etc.) and I realized quickly that we were not meant to be friends.  She is a self centered person and loves for everyone to feel sorry for her. 

    My coworker was BSC when she was pregnant.  She complained non stop to anyone and everyone she talked to (and I mean everyone, she even complained to the guy that delivered our lunch to our office).  Of course her second pregnancy happened to coincide with when I started IF testing/treatment.  For the first few weeks, I tried to ignore her constant complaining.  Finally, I told her that I was going through IF testing and that I wasn't always in the mood to talk about pregnancy (which was not exactly true, I just couldn't stand her constant complaining).  I thought that this would stop her from using me as a go to person for complaining about pregnancy, but it didn't.  Instead she complained about her pregnancy and then asked for constant updates about how my "stuff" was going.  It just proved that she was not the type of friend that I needed.

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  • People who were crazy and self absorbed prior to pregnancy do act like this when pregnant, yes. With the info you provided in your backstory I'm not real sure why you were ever friends with her at all.
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  • Because she can be a decent person, when it comes to her own life, other then 1 time from my wedding, when its her life, she goes over the top about it.. But she can be a really good friend and is usually always there for me, and supports me 100%, but when she got pregnant, it all changed... 
    dogs
  • It sounds like she thinks she's the only person in the world who has ever been pregnant. What a piece of work. Run away.
  • It sounds like she thinks she's the only person in the world who has ever been pregnant. What a piece of work. Run away.
    That's the plan. 
    dogs
  • ChelsiAnn13ChelsiAnn13
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    edited August 2013
    Your friend is crazy and possibly showing her true colors.

    Women who milk pregnancy irks me to no end. I had a family member who needed her husband to pull the car up to the door for her in her first trimester because her back was hurting and she was to pregnant to walk or drive much. Seriously...
    I was working a very physical job involving dogs and cleaning until my boss forced me to go on maternity leave a few weeks before my due date. I also had a Super sense of smell and lots of things made me get super sick but I sucked it up and said nothing ever even when visiting family.

    -sorry I guess I still need to vent and this reminded me. Good luck with your friend.
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  • Assembly_ReqdAssembly_Reqd
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its
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    edited August 2013
    The good news is that this current Selfie affliction of hers should be over in about nine months.

    Maybe another completely and utterly selfish person coming into her life (baby) will cure her. Or, maybe not.
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  • Yeah i can only assume when baby arrives, it will only get worse, if she is like this now.
    dogs
  • That seems very, very odd.  If you are a friend who is not a mother and still wanting to be in her life, she should be grateful for you!  I know a lot of times when women become pregnant, they lose their non-pregnant friends and find out who their true friends are.  I am not pregnant yet and I don't have a child yet but all my close friends do and they never act that way towards me.  I even had a miscarriage a few years ago and I struggle with it and they still don't close me out.

    I think you should rethink your friendship with this lady.  Just my opinion.

     

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