Not asking the baby shower board...

blondolphn

My friend is 16 weeks pregnant and in 2 weeks she has her anatomy scan and will hopefully have lots of good news to share. After she finds out what she is having, she wants to start working on her baby shower. I keep telling her, to let me help her Mom for the behind the scene stuff since she shouldn't be involved. (She really wants one since she didn't get a bridal shower). Her parents have money, but they don't. She's expecting her parents to help a lot with the baby stuff which means they won't have as much money to spend on the baby shower. I can put a little in towards it, but then I wouldn't be able to do much of a gift. If I end up spending a couple hundred on the baby shower, would it seem horrible if I only got her a small gift?  We are going to have to pay to rent a place and then she is thinking her Mom would probably cater (I offered about finger sandwhiches, easy stuff), and my friend wants one of those cute expensive baby cakes. If she wasn't wanting her shower to be after my lo was born, I'd totally take on making the food to keep the cost down. Right now I am looking at places to have it and I'm averaging about $50 an hour for a decent place. Sigh.

jorkz821

I kind of think if her mom is hosting, it's on mom to talk with daughter about costs. Nice of you to help but NOYB, you know?

Wino0920

If you help pay for the shower, that is the gift. No more needed.

allymp13

I would consider you spending a couple hundred on the baby shower your gift to her.  If you really want to do something small go for it, but I don't think it's needed.

It doesn't really sound like she actually knows what her mom is doing at this point.  If I were you I would wait until after she discusses all the details with her mom of what the bridal shower will be and then jump in to help.  I feel like if you get involved this soon you are going to end up hosting the whole thing.

Welshgirl12

If you cant afford it, dont do it or find a cheaper alternative. No way would I want someone spending money they didnt have on what I see as a bonus not a necessity (baby showers are nice but not essential). Maybe Im not nice but I have been honest witb people when I cant afford to hold events or do activities.

blondolphn

She has an idea because she was having her Mom throw it, so she was going to pay for it. And I"m like you don't pay for your own baby shower. I'll keep these tips in mind though if she will actually let me help her Mom with the shower.  I'm hoping she will let us throw her something small so her Mom can help her focus on getting things ready for the baby and not the shower.

Alexandrap

IMHO you co-hosting the baby shower is gift enough. If you choose to and can financially swing a small gift like a nice blanket or something would be just fine.

She seems to want more than what is actually being offered or even financially possible. I think her mom, or both her mom and you, should sit her down and have a very open discussion about what can realistically be done. She may just need an eye opener to get her head out of the clouds. I wish you luck and think you are a very good friend to be doing this for her.

ETA: just saw your update and you are right in telling her she should not pay for her own shower.

blondolphn

Thank you for everyone's honest opinions. There is still plenty of time to figure things out, I just wanted to have an idea of what would be acceptable if my friend/mother would allow me to help. I want her to have a nice shower, and I want her to not have to do it herself. It's just funny how a good friend and you can have completely different tastes.

Her Mom's house is too small. My house would be ok, except for I would have just had the lo and not sure I want a bunch of people I don't know over and then tell them no they can't touch my baby.