Six weeks out on Wednesday

MRowe82

Tomorrow it'll be six weeks since I lost my Lily. I think that's why I've been having such a bad few days. It's almost like its hitting me harder now than when it first happened. Can it get worse as time goes on? Everyone is telling me that time heals, but it just seems to be ripping a bigger hole in me. It's seems as if the farther I get from when I had Lily, the farther I get from her & it scares the Hell out of me. I feel at a total loss as to how to help myself. My boyfriend constantly asks what he can do to ease my pain & I can't give him an answer because I don't know how to handle it myself. It's like being swallowed by an abyss to which there is no end. :-(

princezjk

MRowe82, I am so sorry for your loss and that it is hitting you so hard right now.  I lost my Izzie about 2 1/2 months ago and can say that since I recently went back to work I've had some of my worst days since losing her.  I don't say this to frighten you, just to let you know you aren't alone in having your grief sneak up on you.  I have to say I disagree with the saying "time heals all wounds".  Time doesn't heal anything,  I think over time the raw wound develops a scar and it (hopefully) won't hurt as bad.  But it will always be sensitive and sore and we will never be the same.  I can relate to not being able to tell someone what they can do to ease your pain, but its good you have someone who cares enough to ask.  For me, just having DH be there is the best thing.  Also, I don't know if you've looked into counseling or a support group, but they have been helpful to me and might be something you want to look into.  (((hugs))) and T&P are with you!

OSUWifey09

***SIGGY WARNING***

I had my hardest days in the months after losing Devon, not the immediate weeks afterward. Grief is so hard to deal with, and it sneaks up on you with little warning. With time, it will get better, and it will hurt less - but I'm convinced that the hurt will never go away, that we will all have our rough days for the rest of our lives. Your sweet Lily will always be a part of you, even if she isn't here with you.

Please know that you're not alone, that we're here for you. I do like pp's suggestion of counseling or a support group, if you are wanting to try one of those two outlets. I went to counseling for two months, and it was the best decision ever for me; I was able to meet with a counselor who specialized in pregnancy/infant loss, and he helped me so much.

Be sure to take it easy and to give yourself all the time you need to heal. You can't put a timeline on when you "should" start to feel better; it will come. Sending lots and lots of hugs your way.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

***SIGGY WARNING***

 

The first few weeks and months were the worst for me.  Even a year and a half out, I still have rough spots.  I liken our grief to trying to dig ourselves out of a hole.  You climb and you climb and you climb and just as you think you're making progress, you fall back down the hole.  I shared this with my IRL support group and someone pointed out that when you do fall you're still higher than you were the last time you fell because every time you started climbing up, dirt filled the bottom of the hole. 

 

I like to say that in time things don't get "better" but you learn how to grieve and handle the pain you're feeling while going about your daily life.  It took me many months to get to this point.

 

And always remember, it's ok to not be ok.

hopefulmom88

I agree with the things PP's have said.  I think it's just a pain that only a mother knows and understands.  No one will miss our babies like we do.  I hope that the coming days get easier.  It's good to hear that you have support staying by you.

shandorfml2

I agree with PPs. At about 6 weeks out, the shock begings to wear off. I continued to have a few rough days/melt downs each week until maybe 4 months out. I'm due for a break down though since I haven't really let myself cry in a few weeks. Grief is a long, long journey. Some days will be hard, like anniversaries and holidays. There will be other days where you feel you can breathe and smile.

BrittianyM

I have many days where it still hurts like I just lost my daughter. I am so scared of time passing also.

Most days I have to remind myself that time is not taking me further from her but closer to the time I get to be with her again. Hope you find some comfort.

meli1025

I'm so sorry ((hugs)).  The first weeks and months are SO hard.  There are still times that the pain hits me as if it just happened, although those times are much fewer than they had been.  Six weeks is not very long.  Please don't expect yourself to feel anything other than what you are feeling right now.  Every time I would tell my therapist about one of my horrible days, her response would be, "are you surprised?  Why are you surprised you are grieving?"  She is right.  We can't expect too much of ourselves. She always tells me how the first year is the hardest because of the milestones and anniversaries.  I'm not sure how true this is (if loss moms that are beyond the first year can chime in?) but for me, although I've come a long way in the past ten months, the anticipation of the one year anniversary is starting to really hit me and it's still two months away.

I like your view @BrittianyM.  The time away not taking us further out but closer to the day we can be together again.  That is comforting.

 

((HUGS))

bunnybun4

My therapist always reiterates to me that grief is not a linear thing...it ebbs and flows.  8 months out I still have really bad days but there are less of them.  Sometimes there is no warning and something just triggers it and somedays it is just something that I wake up with and it looms over me all day. 

6 weeks is still so fresh and recent too...be gentle with yourself.  ((HUGS))

bunnycakes011508

I know what you mean. I was doing great till a couple days ago and then it all crashed down all over again. I think mine is related to hormones from PMS. It sucks. it just sucks. I'm sorry for your loss and that it's hurting all over again. It's a horrible thing to happen and then feel all over again.

ajsweeton

I honestly hardly even remember the first few weeks after our loss.  I was in such a state of shock.  I hurt so much that I couldn't even focus on what was going on around me.  As I started to come out of the fog it almost seemed like the pain was worse because I had to pretend that I was alright.  I can go whole days without breaking down now, but I still cry every day at least a little bit.  Something will remind me of what I would be doing if I had twins and I can't seem to pretend anymore.  It will get better, it takes time.  Allow yourself to grieve and let it pass as it happens.