WWTTCAL do? Baby showers and pg mentioned (not mine)

alleycat39

Hi ladies! I wanted to get your advice here. In a few weekends, I have 2 friends having baby showers on the same weekend (1 Saturday, 1 Sunday). The Sunday one is a very close friend, whose shower I wouldn't miss despite what I've been going through. At both of these showers, there will be 7 pregnant friends there. I know that going to both showers in the same weekend may be pretty tough on me. My friend having the shower on Saturday reached out to see if I will be attending. I think I should let her know that I will not be attending, but my question to you all is do I explain why? She knows about my m/c and surgeries and I think she would understand. I just don't know if I should explain or just leave it as "I won't be attending." I also have to be prepared on Sunday if anyone asks why I wasn't there on Saturday.

TIA for any advice!

allie482

If it were me, I'd talk to her and explain why I wasn't going and let her know that I am so happy for her, but that it's too much for me to handle. I'm an open book like that and I get that not everyone operates that way. 

 

It really all comes down to what you are comfortable with.  Has she been supportive throughout your ordeal?  If she has, then she will probably understand your reasons for not going.

jap618

Ahhh hugs, this is tough!!  I would probably just find something else to do that day (concert or mini get away with DH?) and use it as an excuse and apologize that you can't be there and send a gift.  Then when people ask why you weren't there on Sunday you aren't scrambling to make something up.  Be kind to yourself.  That is a lot to handle in one weekend.  Good luck!

Marcilene1

MissMheMhe said:

If it were me, I would go to the one on Sunday since it is a very close friend. You don't have to tell the girl on Saturday why you are going to miss it...for all she knows maybe you already have plans that day. I would tell her how sorry I am that I cannot be there, and I will be thinking of her that day. I would arrange a time to see her and drop off my gift, too.

Exactly this.  She doesn't need to know why you cannot attend.  I think it would be nice to at least send a gift and arrange a time to meet her for lunch or whatever.

princezjk

I am so sorry you are facing this dilemma.   I think, Qfrump has a point.  If this friend knows your history, I don't think you need to explain any further than to say you won't be able to attend.    >:D<

KMW08

I wouldn't give her an explanation as to why you're not going to be there.

Are both showers in the same group if friends? If yes, I DEFINITELY WOULD NOT explain your reasoning-- as it could look blatantly obvious that your choosing one friend over the other, creating drama. I would come up with a different reason as to why you could make one but not the other.

alleycat39

Thank you ladies for all of your advice. I decided to email her and say that I will not be attending but would love to get together to drop off a gift. My parents are trying to figure out a time to come visit, so I think that Saturday is what I will be shooting for.

LaRomana09

KMW08 said:

I wouldn't give her an explanation as to why you're not going to be there. Are both showers in the same group if friends? If yes, I DEFINITELY WOULD NOT explain your reasoning-- as it could look blatantly obvious that your choosing one friend over the other, creating drama. I would come up with a different reason as to why you could make one but not the other.

This was my thought, as well.

AnyMax

princezjk said:

I am so sorry you are facing this dilemma.   I think, Qfrump has a point.  If this friend knows your history, I don't think you need to explain any further than to say you won't be able to attend.    >:D<

I know you already responded to her but I agree with all of this.

I do want to say, good for you for choosing what you needed to take care of yourself, and not feeling obligated to attend.

Kinipela7

No one needs an explanation.  I would just say that you cannot attend.  Will there be the same people at each shower?  If so, then saying your busy that day or give no explanation would be best.  Do what is best for you though!  She will understand and/or get over it.

alleycat39

Kinipela7 said:

No one needs an explanation.  I would just say that you cannot attend.  Will there be the same people at each shower?  If so, then saying your busy that day or give no explanation would be best.  Do what is best for you though!  She will understand and/or get over it.

Yes, it's the EXACT same group of girls at both showers, 7 of which are pregnant. A big part of me wants to be at both, but when I started typing my response to say "yes" I started tearing up. That's when I realized that it is probably too much for me to handle back to back and i need to look out for my own well-being too. Everyone in the group knows about my loss, so hopefully no one will pry to why I am not there both days. I feel bad b/c one of the girls in our group has been struggling with TTC (no losses) for a year now and she will be going to both. I know how hard that must be for her, but I'm trying to remind myself that I don't need to feel bad about my own decision.