Pregnant after a Loss

why is it so hard?

So this rainbow baby gets here in 2 weeks. I'm trying to clean up our room for baby. I keep staring at Sawyer's memorial box. I know I need to put it away, but I just am having a hard time. Our room is small and we dont have alot of space to leave it out. I know I'm not " forgetting " about him or replacing him with this baby, but I almost feel guilty moving forward. Anyone else struggling with this?
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Re: why is it so hard?

  • That's a good idea. I have a small bear. Maybe I can leave that out.
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  • I have an area for Devon's things that I plan to keep in the baby's room, or move to my own room once the new baby arrives. But if you don't have space, I like the idea of keeping out a couple of mementos to display. Definitely don't feel like you're forgetting about him if you're putting some of his things out of sight; they'll still be there for you to look at and share. *hugs*
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  • My DH struggle with having Harrison's things out, it's too hard for him to see so we have them in a box. I'm hoping as we get closer to our due date he'll be more open to it. I was thinking about making one of those memory boxes (like a picture frame but deeper) to put his things in - we have a little tiny hat for him, and a blanket and his footprints and whatnot. We could put it up in his younger brother's room.
    **Warning: Losses and living child mentioned**
    BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
    BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
    BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
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  • A shadowbox is what I'm talking about :-)

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    **Warning: Losses and living child mentioned**
    BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
    BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
    BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
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  • I struggle with the guilt of not being able to have any reminders at all.. Yet. I lost my boys last December, and it is still too painful for me to see anything that reminds me of them, and I am getting emotional as I type. Just not ready. It is beautiful that you want to represent your son's memory as you prepare to have this baby. Go easy on yourself. The little bear idea is touching.

     

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  • linzeeh80linzeeh80 member
    edited July 2013
    A shadowbox is what I'm talking about :-)


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    This is what we did. I put Grayson's u/s picture, his hand and foot prints and a poem we liked it in. We also have a small heart shaped urn with his name engraved on it in our bedroom.


    TTC since August 2011
    BFP#1 3/16/12 EDD 11/21/12 Delivered 6/1/12 at 15 weeks 2 days
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  • I like the shadow box thing but we don't have too much to put in it. I too still cry when I look at his things. We have a small blanket, cards people sent, us pics, programs from his service. He was cremated and was on the early side. Since it was a mmc, we didn't view him or get pics since his body condition wasn't the greatest. I did have the most vivid dream during our TTA time. I did "see " him in the angel sense. He was with his sister. That's how I knew this one was a girl. Its going to be an emotional week I'm afraid. I have a growth scan on Friday. If baby is too big, then I might get a scheduled bday for safety reasons. I'm torn trying to make a tough decision for this baby....whether or not to c section. While I don't want a c section, the what if something happens like shoulder dystocia, has me freaking out. It happened to my little brother and he has cerebral palsy caused by lack of oxygen at birth. He was a 10.5 lb baby. I feel like people will judge me for having the c section but I cant stand the thought of losing another baby or causing damage by selfishly choosing to try to birth the baby instead. I'm so very torn on what to do. I think its intensifying my pgal brain. Will keep you updated on Friday. T and p that baby is under 10 lbs and I don't have to choose.
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  • ncchnat said:

    I did. I still do sometimes when I look into Muppet's face and tell him I love him.


    However, that does not mean that I love William any less, just as you don't love Sawyer any less. I just have to keep reminding myself of that when the feelings of guilt start. 

    If you need to put the box away, then do it. Just put it somewhere so that you can get to it whenever you need to. I had William's on a shelf in our living room, but I had to move it. Now it's in my closet, but it's not shoved away back in some corner.

    I'm so sorry, too, that people are judging you for the decisions you're making. You have to do what is best for you and for your little girl. HUGS!
    Thanks. I think the closet is a good idea. I wish none of us had to go through all this. I try to hang on to the saying that "loss moms love their rainbows just a bit more, hug them a bit tighter because they know what its like to lose a child." I hope losing Sawyer will make me a better mama to this little girl.
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