Some people are just children. /vent

KTdidit

It amazes and amuses me when people can't act like f*cking adults.

DS went to BD's this weekend. BD's GF called Thursday and said that they needed to switch pickup from Thursday to Friday (calling same-day and switching times, as always) and mentioned that they were having a birthday party for her DD on Sunday. Ok fine. So Friday comes and I meet BD. I told him DS wants to play soccer this fall and gave him the paper. I told him that games were Saturday mornings and it's $60 for only 5 weeks so I'd really prefer if DS doesn't miss any games. IMO I'm not asking for him to pay any of it and it's only 2 Saturdays that he would be responsible for so I don't think I'm asking for too much. Also this will be DS's first sport, what kind of parent doesn't make the effort to attend the games? I said I'd sign DS up and let him know times when I find out.

FF to Sunday, lo and behold I get a call and voicemail at 1130 from BD saying that the birthday party is that day and doesn't start til 230 (PU/DO time is 2), so he wanted to keep DS til 8 or so. But their new phone is broken and he is using his neighbor's phone so he will call me again in an hour or so. So I wait, and I wait, and I wait. And finally at 515 the jack@ss calls. I was so p!ssed  I went off on him. (yes I know bad kaholland)  I told him that if he says he's gonna call back in an hour he needs to call back in an hour. Especially since I have no way of calling him back. I told him first off that its not his GF's responsibility to inform me of the change of plans, its his. But if she was going to let me know about the party in the first place she should've mentioned the time. She knows when PU/DO is. And then HE should've said something Friday. That his letting me know last minute is bullsh!t. He says "well you switched weekends on me last minute because DS had a birthday party so we are even". Ummm no assh*le I told you 4 days ahead of time, and that was only because we weren't planning on going but DS kept talking about it and asking about it. So I tell him he's an assh*le and he refuses to admit he did anything. (I know, again bad kaholland). I say a time to meet and he says fine and hangs up.

At the meeting point, he pulled up and got DS out of his carseat. DS ran over to me and I see BD getting in his van and leaving! I don't even think he gave DS a proper goodbye, he was out of the car fast. He is such a damn child. Any time I say anything that makes him mad he refuses to talk to me or look at me. Last time he pulled his bullsh!t and I called him out on it, he made his GF to the pickup while he sat on the base of a lightpole playing on his phone.

How do you possibly co-parent with someone like this? Am I completely in the wrong for being so p!ssed off when he changes plan last minute, literally the same day within hours of PU/DO? How do I find a balance between being flexible and letting him walk all over me? Honestly I feel like I would've been wrong to say DS couldn't stay for the bday party but leaving a voicemail 2 hours before I have to leave and then not calling me til that night is ridiculous.

HisChamaoleGirl

Is saying "no" to last minute drop off changes an option? What does the CO say about this?

KTdidit

the only CO we have is our divorce decree which doesn't cover jackshi!t. Just states the CS amount and says that the NCP is entitled to "regular and frequent parenting time". We have been just making it up as we go. We set a schedule and then I have to fight with BD to stay on it. It works in my favor for those weekends when there is something going on during BD's time I can let him know and he always says "that's fine I'll get him the next weekend". But I'm considerate and let him know as soon as possible, usually at least a week ahead of time. It's only been a year and a half since the divorce paperwork was final and I don't know how soon you can make changes in Indiana.

2chatter

Not a slam at all - but I have found that I have to be the one to be "in charge" of the schedule and do the thinking for BD here.  Every PO/DO I verbally confirm face to face - so you are bringing them back at XYZ time and you have a gift for ABC party or will get one, they will call at 123 time, etc.  If he mentions that they are going to a bday party for a child out of town, I have to do the thinking and say "If you are going to a party 2 hours away that starts at 3, do you think you will have the girls home by 6?"  I hate it, but it is what it is.  I did this the day we moved, his phone was disconnected and he didn't have the address.  It was not a fun day.

sweetwalks

I think you definitely need a CO soon. It will save you a lot of headache. No flames here because I know it is very frustrating to have last minute changes sprung on you.

Because the divorce decree doesn't outline anything a CO will be the only way to be able to force BD to stick to the plans. It may take you being the mean one & saying "no, since you did not let me know in enough time I cannot accommodate you for this" maybe BD & GF will learn.

We once forgot to let BM know definite plans, although we had let her know the change just not a specific and she refused to allow it. It was very frustrating but we saw her POV and always make sure that whatever suggestion or proposed change we have gets hammered out in fine detail months in advance.

Littlejen22

But remember if you refuse to make changes so will he. Honestly I get that this was annoying but I think you handled it badly. And who cares if BD or his GF told you of the change?

KTdidit

Littlejen22 said:

But remember if you refuse to make changes so will he. Honestly I get that this was annoying but I think you handled it badly. And who cares if BD or his GF told you of the change?

I understand that, however I rarely make changes and when I do I give him plenty of notice and ASK rather than tell him. He changes things every visitation and tells an hour or two ahead of time. And it doesn't matter who ntells me. The GF should've told me when she called on Thursday. I was only. making the point because he blamed it on her that she was supposed to tell me. I know I shouldn't have blown up on him but come one, every single damn time he changes something and then acts like its not a big deal.

KTdidit

sweetwalks said:

I think you definitely need a CO soon. It will save you a lot of headache. No flames here because I know it is very frustrating to have last minute changes sprung on you. Because the divorce decree doesn't outline anything a CO will be the only way to be able to force BD to stick to the plans. It may take you being the mean one & saying "no, since you did not let me know in enough time I cannot accommodate you for this" maybe BD & GF will learn. We once forgot to let BM know definite plans, although we had let her know the change just not a specific and she refused to allow it. It was very frustrating but we saw her POV and always make sure that whatever suggestion or proposed change we have gets hammered out in fine detail months in advance.

Yeah we definitely need a CO. I need to put a call in to my lawyer and find out what I need to do to get one set up.

Pamelacake

kaholland4 said:

the only CO we have is our divorce decree which doesn't cover jackshi!t. Just states the CS amount and says that the NCP is entitled to "regular and frequent parenting time". We have been just making it up as we go. We set a schedule and then I have to fight with BD to stay on it. It works in my favor for those weekends when there is something going on during BD's time I can let him know and he always says "that's fine I'll get him the next weekend". But I'm considerate and let him know as soon as possible, usually at least a week ahead of time. It's only been a year and a half since the divorce paperwork was final and I don't know how soon you can make changes in Indiana.

 

 

 

 

The norm in Indiana ro a c/o change is a year. That's where I am.

KTdidit

thanks @pamelacake!

Pamelacake

No problem... and as we recently found out.. It is possible to have it changed before that depending on the circumstances.