Mom is "inconvenienced" by watching LO

tinyhumantoe

Anyone with their mom/MIL/relative watching LO full time or a couple days a week?  How is it going?


Sigh.

I pay the full-time rate to my provider, but take LO to my mom's house on M and F per her request.  It adds an hour to my already 2 hours of driving.  I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't - she wants to be over the top dramatic about how much of an inconvenience it is to watch her, but when I suggest having her go to daycare one or both of those days, she huffs and puffs over that.  Give me a fucking break. 

BPer

I don't rely on my mom for any sort of full-time care, but even when she babysits for a couple of hours here and there, she doesn't want to have to actually DO anything.

I pretty much have to make sure DD is fed, changed and really shouldn't need anything for the entire time I'm gone.

And she makes sure to complain about what a 'handful' she was while I was gone.

Unrelated: How did telling your H go?!

tinyhumantoe

cheeseandrice said:

ditch your mom. If you're paying for daycare anyway, send her there.

I agree.  I'm making the call today, actually.  It's going to start WWIII.  I'm so tired that IDGAF.

hmp1

My parents are retired and live less than 2 miles from our house but I take the boys to daycare every day. 

BeebopandBuddy

Maybe if you do it and, when she says something, remind her about all her complaining, she will get it? Or no?

tinyhumantoe

TheNetwork said:

My MIL lives about an hour away and is always coming up with some wackado plan for her to watch DS. He's in DC full time sowe just say no. DH has had to be pretty firm with her. I'm sorry you're going through that

Dude!  Same with my MIL!  They are moving 45 min away from us at the end of August.  She came up with some extravagant weekly plan to take us to Sunday lunch in our town, take W to their house and have her spend the night, watch her Monday, and we go out there Monday for dinner & to pick her up.  I flipped my shit for a split second, then realized... free lunch on Sunday, then I'm out of the rest of it.  DH can handle that shit and I will watch my DVR and take a lot of naps.

Kissty

Right there with you.  DH Grandma watches LO while we work.  I didn't think daycare would be a big deal.  I checked the ones by work and the prices were somewhat reasonable.  We decided not to go that route because I leave around 5 am.  DH not until 6:30-6:45.  She wanted to watch him for less than 1/2 the cost.  Great!!! Now we are 10 months in and she says she'll watch him until he is 1.  Umm what!?!  So the hunt begans.  Daycares closer to home is about 3x what we pay her.  I do not want to get DS up before 5 am everyday - not to mention an hour long drive with a baby who HATES the car after 20 mins.  She was bathing him for us bc we don't home until close to 7, but she stopped that last week saying she just can't do it.  Tells me how "bad" he was all day when I pick him up, but tells DH how good he was when he picks him up.  Obviously we have  several issues going on here.

Sorry you are having to deal with this.  Since you pay daycare anyway use it and cut out the drama.  She'll get over it. 

Kissty

Yeah, GG said that even though she watches LO for 4 days a week that once a month she wanted to keep him overnight so that we could have some alone time.  She kept him once when MIL was visiting (so basically MIL kept him at GG's house).  When we did ask her to keep him because I had a work event she kept him but threw a huge fit about having to do it.  We took him right before bed and he went immediately to sleep and I was there to pick him up before 7 am.  So we haven't asked her to do that again.

tinyhumantoe

BPer said:

I don't rely on my mom for any sort of full-time care, but even when she babysits for a couple of hours here and there, she doesn't want to have to actually DO anything.

I pretty much have to make sure DD is fed, changed and really shouldn't need anything for the entire time I'm gone.

And she makes sure to complain about what a 'handful' she was while I was gone.

Unrelated: How did telling your H go?!

When I'm around DH's family, it is such a break.  They are so smitten with her that they play with her, change her, feed her.  I just sit on the sofa and smile with my mental margarita.  At MY family functions?  Uh, no.  I have to handle her plus do a bunch of shit for my mom, and make sure my niece isn't stuffing crayons up her orifices. 

Oh, and it went great - once he reacted so positively, I took a major chill pill and started to get happy abou tit! (<--leaving this typo cause I'm a 10 yr old boy)  I'm so embarrassed by my mini panic attack ">

BeebopandBuddy

My mom can be like that too. Story: While on vacation I asked my mom to watch the monitor while I sat on the porch since she was staying inside. After a little while she comes out and says "I think Maya has the camera cord around her neck". I go bolting in there and, luckily, she didn't but geez, why would you come out and tell me first if it is that serious? Go help her!

tinyhumantoe

LoisLayn23 said:

If she's making it harder, not easier, pay the sitter and leave your mom to Grandma duties. Either she's hinting she wants paid or she's being passive aggressive about not having her own time.

You are going to laugh at me, hard.  I pay for full time daycare PLUS pay my mom.  Long story; even I'm confused by that one. 

TheAnne:  I've tried, and have implemented that three times.  She is so bipolar about whether she wants LO or not, and of course any decision I make for my family is a personal attack on her.

Anyway, I'm going to cease the momsitting on the basis that it adds extra stress, expense, drive time, and I am too tired to have the extra hour of driving and the extra 1-2 hours of trying to escape my mom's house when I drop off/pick up.  BUT YOU HAVE TO SEE HOW MUCH WALLPAPER I GOT OFF TODAY.  AND WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT FOR AN HOUR. 

Plus.... I'd like her to see W less so that when we do come around on pleasure, she can keep her craptastic comments about my little debil to herself, quit resenting her, and maybe be happy to see the freakin kid.

tinyhumantoe

Kissty said:

Right there with you. 

Well, that's a lot of notice.  8-|

I think the reality is that it's hard work to watch these kids.  They had some mystic expectation for bonding, quality time, etc.... but it sucks to watch a kid.  And their freedom is gone.  And you rely on them.  And they are old.  And it cramps their style.  I get it.  But seriously, that is really short notice   Good luck!

tinyhumantoe

MiraskTastic said:

cheeseandrice said:

ditch your mom. If you're paying for daycare anyway, send her there.

wait, you're paying full time but still bring her over twice a week? I missed that. Either get a different rate based on the reduced days, or tell mom no. 

Yah, I think it is this simple.  Not being sarcastic.  It really is this simple.

I pay full time at my dc because I require >20h/wk.  There are only 2 rates.

tinyhumantoe

delaine0821 said:

Story: While on vacation I asked my mom to watch the monitor while I sat on the porch since she was staying inside. After a little while she comes out and says "I think Maya has the camera cord around her neck". I go bolting in there and, luckily, she didn't but geez, why would you come out and tell me first if it is that serious? Go help her!

:-O :-O X_X