Pigsty Room Mates. Cleaning Confrontations.

britbratbrianna

I live in an apartment with my husband's sister and her husband (who recently found out that she was pregnant.) So far living with them has been Hell (pardon my language.)

We just recently had our baby shower and we literally scrubbed the place down until it was spotless. Now let me explain why that was such a big deal. Imagine a sink full of dishes that overfill onto the counters, stagnant water that stink to high heaven, and a stove covered in grime. Now me and my husband do agree that we did make SOME of the mess but not all of it, but when the baby shower came around we decided that we were going to clean because it was our baby shower and our responsibility to clean up for it. So we spent three days doing dishes, cleaning counter tops, sweeping, vacuuming, and everything else with just laundry detergent and water to clean with. (Which surprisingly works quite well with cleaning everything.) Now after the baby shower was over me and my husband both said that we were going to clean up after OURSELVES from now on which meant once we used a dish we would wash it off in the sink and put it back up and our room mates agreed to do the same with their dishes. That night I did my husband and I's dishes and right after our room mates walk in and place dirty dishes in the sink and walk out. I was like OK maybe they'll get back to it not surprisingly they didn't. For the next two days I did the same thing: washed our dishes and left there's for them to clean.

Now two weeks after the baby shower and the apartment looking cleaner than ever is back to it's original space: dirty. Now his sister is getting very how you say moody about everything saying that we should clean the kitchen AGAIN because 1. she works and 2. we don't. I'm thinking, "is she serious right now??" I mean come on we literally went over the place with a fine tooth comb and she wants us to do it again?  Walking into the kitchen now I see the difference in our dishes and theirs. (I got tired of washing mine and my husbands only for them to be used RIGHT after we cleaned them and made dirty again.) Ours are easy to clean just a quick wipe down with a sponge and hot water and they're good to be used again. Theirs on the other hand has full pieces of bread and chili and moldy milk and cereal. 

I've read so many posts on the nesting instinct and how it should be kicking in right about now or sometime later down the road as my due date gets closer. Now my big worry as of now is if I should clean up after my room mates or not if my urge to nest kick in. I mean it's not like I want to clean up a mess I didn't make and after someone who looks down on me and hides toilet paper in their room leaving me and my husband stranded on the pot until we can find a spare napkin. (Yes they have done this to us plenty of times as well... they aren't the best of room mates and I fear they won't be the best of parents either. For one they're smokers and aren't trying AT ALL to quit and they also smoke marijuana and her husband is a pill addict and has a lot of mental issues. So not only do I have to stress over their mess I'm stressed because of secondhand smoke exposure, secondhand weed exposure, her husband being an ass (the best way I can put it lol) and the fact that I'm really close to my due date and all I hear from her is the moaning and groaning of how hard everything is even though she has it A LOT better than us.)

Anyways I'm ranting this and I'm just curious what other people think and seeing if other mom's/ moms to be have had this issue and some advice on what me and my husband can do at this point. 

kcs7

Um, not that I would want to offend you, but my first thought is, find a way, ANY way to move out to your own place or different roomates! I know that may not be possible, but if it were me, I'd have to or I'd hurt somebody. lol No, I wouldn't clean up after them, I'd have a honest heart to heart and start a plan on how to get out...I'm sure others will have better advice perhaps. I know I'm not the  cleanest person myself and my husband and I have to work at building better habits, but if there were roomates around that didn't want to clean either, I'd have to get out. Good luck though and I hope something will work for you!!!

StayingSecret

So, you (both) don't work.  Your roommates don't clean.  They smoke pot.

And you're worried about the dishes?

BelhurstBride

Sounds like it's time to grow up and get your own place!

sfeebs13

Sounds like you got a lot going on and quite a few things to deal with before and after your LO arrives.
You should definitely be looking and thinking about moving.

kcs7

Oh, and I didn't notice that they are smoking, and pot too at that...yes, I'd move out asap. Yikes!

britbratbrianna

Thank you all for your advice and input and luckily me and hubby are working on moving out. It's just kinda not that easy lol.

The reason I'm worrying the most about it and posting about the dishes and such is the fact that that's what they complain to us about most often. And we have sat down and talked about it but every time we do talk to them about it NOTHING changes. We end up doing everything and them doing nothing. Now I understand the fact that cleaning is the least I can do when me and my hubby aren't working but when you come to an understanding about who does what after who and they break that promise you just don't want to do it anymore. You want to be able to walk into a clean kitchen that you didn't have to clean because it wasn't your turn.

MitsB707

Why don't you start using paper plates and plastic forks? Keep them in your room like how they keep the tp in their room. They'll run out of dishes soon enough, lol

Weljadraak

You needed an excuse to clean in the first place. Three days without doing a single dish? STAGNANT WATER IN THE SINK? 

Hollywogg

Umm. Move. Much better results than whining to a bunch of Internet strangers.

roo1oo

I'd set a cleaning day with your roommates. Every week on Sunday evening after dinner everyone helps clean the house, or whatever time works for everyone. I also wouldn't be afraid to mention their dirty dishes in the sink. If its not already habit for them, it won't instantly become one just because you mandate it. You'll have to do a little nagging for it to change.

As for smoking pot, I'd ask them to keep it to their room or outside. 

MallardDucky

I don'tthink you really have a leg to stand on besides the pot issue, they are working an paying bills. You guys have a free ride a the house just do the damn dishes and clean up. What else do you do during the day?

dalia1584

Sounds like a great environment for a baby, I would defiantly refuse to wash dishes for 3 days and smell stagnant water just to prove a point that they aren't my dirty dishes. %-(

achadwick19

So what I am getting from this is that you and your husband do not work and they do (or at least she does)... and they are smoking pot, cigarettes, and he's popping pills in the apartment? Correct me if I'm wrong. 

Is there a reason that the two of you cannot be working and get an apartment together? This sounds like an awful place to bring a baby. Also, if you are not working (and I assume not paying rent) then it sounds to me that you should be doing some more cleaning around the house whether it's yours or not. If I wasn't paying rent, I would gladly do someone else's dishes. 

Again, correct me if I'm wrong about this. This whole situation sounds messed up and like you need to do something to get out of there.

aeh72

StayingSecret said:

So, you (both) don't work.  Your roommates don't clean.  They smoke pot.

And you're worried about the dishes?

Perfectly said.  In all seriousness, if you aren't working and not paying rent, do your part by doing the extra cleaning  - even if it's not your mess.  That seems like a fair trade off.  But, that seems like the least of your issues.  No offense, but this does not sound like a good environment to raise a child in, including the fact that neither you nor your husband have a job.  THAT'S what you should be focusing your energy on right now.  While you're sorting that very important issue out, wash their dishes.  Oh, and buy your own toilet paper (or at least hide a roll or two for yourselves).

Disneygeek77

Whose place is it ?  If the apartment is theirs, then they can clean it whenever the hell they want and they are doing you a huge favor by letting you live there, especially if you aren't paying rent.

 

Michelle N

If they're letting you stay there for free, I'd probably just do their dishes. why you would want your kid living somewhere with pot-smokers... I don't know. 

CutieBean79

Sounds like a clusterfluck. I don't know where to begin.

imakeeff0rts

britbratbrianna said:

For one they're smokers and aren't trying AT ALL to quit and they also smoke marijuana and her husband is a pill addict and has a lot of mental issues. So not only do I have to stress over their mess I'm stressed because of secondhand smoke exposure, secondhand weed exposure, her husband being an ass

Not to be rude, but ^this would be way more concerning to me than dishes. 

I would absolutely, under NO circumstances, bring my child into a home where my roommates smoke a variety of things and don't care to quit, someone has a drug problem and is mentally unstable. If he's a jerk now, how do you expect him to act when there's a baby around keeping him up all night? ...Probably not well.

gtfo. Now. I would live in a shelter before I lived with these people.

KaylaC0514

I could have pretty much written this post! I live with my in laws and SIL is very messy. the thing is I've had a lot of experience dealing with it already. We lived together for a year a while ago and she hasn't changed. The only difference is we also live with my MIL and she will get on everyone if they arent pulling their weight.Its even more frustrating having a 1 yr old and being 7 mos pregnant and dealing with it. We don't touch her dishes if we can help it. They will sit for aweek but I don't have time or energy to clean her stuff. What it comes down to is I'vehad to accept her mess. She's been this way her whole life. She won't change for anyone. Just try to keep your stuff seperate so that she can deal with her fifth and u can try to ignore it. This living situation is temporary I assume. So remember that and go your seperate ways asap

KaylaC0514

I skimmed ur post and missed the part about the drugs. Its their house so they can smoke it there and there's not much u can say I guess. But I would hope they have been considerate of there fact that ur pregnant. Hopefully u haven't inhaled anything that has already done harm to your baby

kennazebrowsky

While I do not agree that they should be dirty or whatever and do drugs....if you are living with them for free it is hard to take your side.

I would not be a slob and expect someone to clean up after me - but if I was letting someone live with me and I have before, I would expect them to keep things clean and tidy up if they had no job.

Sounds like a crappy situation and maybe you need to find a different place to live.