Moms w toddlers - I need advice...

LilLee11

My daughter, who will be 3 in September, seems to be having a hard time adjusting to my husband being gone. She is extremely defiant which is very unlike her. My husband will be gone for a year and I have to nip this in the bud.  I am trying to be consistent in the discipline and not give in, but sometimes she will be crying (because she's in trouble) and say "I miss Daddy" and come in for a hug. I really think she's doing this for attention. Sometimes I cuddle her and say I understand, but thats not a reason to not be nice etc. Other times Im not as cuddly because it just seems like she's trying to manipulate me! Im at a loss because this is so unlike her. Im hoping it's just an adjustment phase. We've been facetiming daily and Im wondering if it might be hurting the cause. She sees Daddy, but I dont know if she can totally comprehend that he isnt here or he cant just come home. Because she sees him, Im wondering if its confusing her. Who knows. Ive had a headache for 2 straight days and Im at my wits end. Yesterday I was thinking "why am I arguing with an almost 3 year old?!" Im just...tired. 

lbrown9807

Have you looked into any preschool classes for her? Im not trying to make it sound like you should pawn her off on someone else, but maybe a little time away from you (even if its just a few hours a week) would be good for her. I hope things get better for you soon! ::Creepy internet hugs:: Toddlers are hard!

BeebopandBuddy

It may be a result of him leaving but I think you are right to stay consistent. I would make sure there are plenty of opportunities to talk about where he is and how you all miss him and when they will talk again. That way, if she brings it up during discipline, you know it's more manipulation than genuine feelings.
I do not interact in any way with my toddler when she's being disciplined. I give no attention until its over. My DD's go-to when she's mad is to ask for Daddy, and he's not away. I think it's just her way of expressing that she's not happy with me.
I would definitely not stop the FaceTime, but I would make sure that talk is outside of discipline. GL!

hmp1

Can you make a Daddy corner that she can go to when she is missing him (not during a time out). Put a pillow or two with with his t-shirts on them. A small photo album of pictures of him she can flip through. Some coloring books so she can draw him a picture.

Not the same as a deployment, but my husband travels a lot for work. We do skype and my 2 year old gets that he isn't here. We talk about him flying on a plane to where ever he is going. He has a map rug in his room that we find the state where daddy is and blow him kisses good night on the map. 

Sorry you guys are struggling. I hope this phase passes quickly.

Mrs.RockyM

I know at that age, even now, DD had a hard time with any sort of change.  She just had to adjust.  Just keep standing your ground and eventually thinks will calm down.  Hopefully it will pass quickly.

LilLee11

Thanks for the advice. I think having a daddy corner is a great idea! I had thought about getting a daddy doll https://www.daddydolls.com/ but they seemed a little too creepy for me. Maybe DD will actually like it though. A friend of mine had her husband trace his hand and the kids can give Dad a high five whenever they're missing him. I think Im going to try out the corner with pictures, pillows etc. Thank you!