I have a bone to pick with some of you hussies
hindsight's_a_biotch
member
And I mean hussies in the most loving manner possible, I swear.
But if I see any more of you yammering on about how "BM refuses to get a job" I swear to God I'm gonna go postal on someone. Surely some of you realize just how fricking expensive it is to put little ones in day care and how hard it is to find a job that works around a day care's hours. That means no weekends, no nights, no holidays, etc. That kind of job is difficult as fuuk to get if you have no real job skills. Hell, it's even difficult to find one of those when the kids are in school. After school care isn't cheap either and there are few jobs during school hours, unless you want to plop mounds of boxed potatoes on the trays of elementary schoolers of course.
I especially get irritated when we are talking about remarried BM's. The ex and I agreed that I would be a stay at home mother. Are you really surprised that these women might have the same agreement with the new spouse?
Now I'll grant you, that many of the women of which you ladies speak seem to be greedy little hussies. So how about we just call them greedy little hussies instead of saying that they are "refusing to work."
I know I personally am not refusing to work to get more child support. I've made the choice to be a stay at home mother. So I'm getting a little peeved with hearing so many of you turn your noses and make snide comments about it. I know you aren't referring to me, but it still irritates the piss out of me now and again.
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Re: I have a bone to pick with some of you hussies
States do different calculations. ?Sometimes the total of the income of both bio parents is made and the total of child support is decided using that amoung...let's say $2000 total. ?Then each parent is expected to contribute to the child support. ?Therefore, if BM makes 40% and BD makes 60% of the income then they split costs on that ratio.?
What a judge can do is look at how much a stay-at-home parent COULD be making. ?If she has a part-time job, the judge may look at what she could be making if she were employed full time. ?Or order that the child-support calculation be re-evaluated when the children are in school full time.?
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If I worked, I think he'd end up paying more child support. I can't imagine the amount of income I make could possibly make up for the added expense of child care.
I don't know. I guess I just feel that some people had children with the understanding that they would be raised by a stay at home parent. That doesn't necessarily change because there is a divorce, especially if the BM later goes on to remarry.
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I've always liked you Hindsight
You're awesome!! BUT - I am not a hussie and I rant about our BM not getting a job 
Mind you... "Little ones at home" are an exception. A 14 yr old is NOT! Living off of state funding and welfare and child support is not a good life. Not contributing to anything because they choose to sit on their lazy nasty a$$ is not.
But otherwise - I agree
I envy the stay at home moms (that have little ones!) because yes, daycare is too expensive. But the SAHM needs to end when the kids are in school.
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Seredipity... haha Im with you! Im going to get my boobs, tummy tuck, lipo, the whole bid
and then the cruises, etc. sound fun too!! I may just take my little child support card to the mall and spend away 
PS - daycare here for an infant is $157 a week... That is not feasible for us either. So when we finally do have a baby - I will probably only work part time.
But I would NEVER make child support my "income" because I dont feel like working.
That's the problem, that supposition. If chick is married, than her husband's money is the income. Mr man's money is child support.
Argh!! See what I mean???
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I like you Hindsight. LOL - lay it out there!
Yes, I see what you mean about the CS, etc. And being a SAHM (I totally envy! I would love to be able to do that) but I think that title needs to end when a child is old enough (ummm, 14 years old is plenty old enough!) My SD's mother had her setting her own alarm clock, getting up, getting ready, eating breakfast alone, and getting on the school but at the age of 7. ALONE! So there is no reason why my BM cannot work... She does nothing all day long. She does drugs and sleeps. I love when we are visitng SD and her mom comes rolling out of bed in the afternoon when we drop her back off. Haha - it's quite funny
But I see your point that your kiddos are still young enough to need watching after school, etc. When I am in your shoes with little kids - I would need a job that ended before school did, etc.
I have explained in great detail our financial situation on here before. We pay over $2000 a month for her, and one child. She is living in the marital home that was supposed to be listed on the market for sale (court ordered) last year. She has no mortgage. She gets heating assistance, medical assistance, and was getting food stamps.She won't even pay her half of the property taxes, and has had them all defered (which should be fun when the house finally does sell). SS is 13 going on 14. She can work full-time and chooses not to, because she claims he is disabled (not unless you consider ADD a disablity is this even remotely true). She could get herself a higher paying job, instead of working for $8 an hour 16-20 hours a week. She has the skillset to be a nurses assistant and would need to be recertified, which I believe costs $800, and we would pony up and pay that if that meant that she would work full-time to provide for her son-but she won't. We cannot afford to move from the shithole we live in, buy ourselves new clothes, or enjoy any of the things we work so hard for. Is that fair? So, while no I don't think that saying the BM should work is fair in every case, I do in most.
So, while I appreciate being called a hussie (I prefer harlet), it is not fair to lump all in to the same category--just as it isn't fair to lump all BM's into the same category. I only know my situation, and in my situation, BM does need to get off her fat, lazy, entitled, bitter ass and get a better job.
Right. I'm saying focus on the details and not generalization. For many of you, there is more to the story that mom simply not working.
I can think of at least four of you that are justified in your irritation towards these no good mooching heifers. But I'm afraid some of the newer peeps we've had of late, jump entirely too eagerly into the BM's need to work vent pool.
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Just reading what it does state for the state BM lives in - and in our case, yes, when she worked and had no medical issues and then magically decides she does (aka: lying), just so she can try to screw DH with 100% of the support (which is what it states) then that isn't right and the state says the same thing - regardless of her being remarried or not. Every state is different. She's not just saying she's a SAHM - she's saying she has no "choice" in the matter too. DH didn't pay 100% of the support when they were married - she had an income at one point (or certain points as well) so it's not ok to turn around and say "ok, we're divorced now, so since I have someone to take care of ME financially, you have to foot the entire bill for 100% of the kids support so I have to do nothing - because "I can't work now"...)
I can see where other situations are different and if a mom has been a SAHM for awhile or chose that as har career, etc - because I know raising kids is a full time, never ending job - then that's different - our situation is vastly different and involves many elements and lies from BM on many levels at that. And she doesn't act like a mom to her kids or take care of them the way they should be taken care of either.
Mom2one - I was not implying that being a SAHM should stop when the child is in school (when they are young) but if a 14 yr. old cannot come home after school without mommy being there... there is a problem!!!!
Our child support is $2951 a month. THAT IS MORE THAN I MAKE! There is no reason for her to be getting that much other than when calculated the hoebags income is pathetically "zero"
If some women are lucky enough to not have to work due to being financially secure - amen to them! I do envy them... But for 90% of women, most of us have to work and dont WANT the luxury of living off of CS or the state.
**I was in no means trying to offend you.
Ditto that . . . I'm a SAHSM for now . . . I finally start work next week!! Yea! But, I think that once your kids are in middle school they should have some kind of common sense and hopefully by then as parents you have already taught them some responsibility that they can be alone for a couple of hours. I understand staying home with little ones but, yeah -- in a case where a 14 yr. old is the "baby to care for" this whole SAHM is BS.
It's cool if you decide to stay home with the kiddos . . . what's not cool is that the new wife has to work and does not have the option to stay home or not because she has to make sure that her family has what is basic for any household but, because of whatever reason the husband cannot provide . . . perhaps because there is two families to take care of?
I guess what really matters is the agreement that both parents make. Unfortunately, the agreement is usually done before the new wife or family comes into the picture.
Ditto here, and that sucks ass for many reasons. One of which, with the downturn in the economy we are not making nearly what he made 3 or 4 years ago (think almost half), but we cannot control that, we are commision only in a very hard hit industry. The court will not come back and re-evaluate that, because he has the POTENTIAL to make that. However, it does not go both ways. BM has the potential to make 5 times as much as she does (probably more like 20 times but whatever) and that is not taken into consideration. It sucks. It sucks big time.
So, I understand where the bitterness on the part of the SM comes from. I find myself riddled with it quite often. When you have less then ideal living conditions, while the SM has a nice house, car, clothes, vacays, etc. and you don't it sucks. Especially when said BM does not provide decent clothes for SK's, continuely asks for more $ and does not take responsibility for the child they gave birth to and the obligations that come along with that. But it does no good to be angry and bitter, it won't change anything.
That is lovely, if you can afford to financially support your child in the way you see fit, without depending on others to do it for you. If you have reasonable expectations as to what CS should be, and don't expect someone else to finance your lifestyle that is wonderful.
However, for a lot of us that is not the case. How would you feel if you were in the situation that I described above? Would you feel slighted, bitter, frustrated, cheated? Or would you think that is fair?
So, I shouldn't feel bitter that we live in a one and half bedroom shithole, can't go on vacations, work 100 hours + a week between the two of us, can't afford clothes, and overall barely make ends meet, while she is granted the "lifestyle to which she has become accustomed to" on our dime? Is that really fair? What about the lifestyle to which we became accustomed?
In a divorce situation, everyone should be made to make conssecsions, not just one person or one family. It is not fair, and it is not right. Why can't we meet in the middle? It sucks, and like I said it does no good being bitter about it, but sometimes it is hard to not be. When you look around and see that you can barely make ends meet, yet you bust your ass, when you cycle throught the same 3 or 4 outfits for work, when you wonder how you will pay for groceries, or your electric bill, while someone else is getting the majority of your paycheck so that they can live a comfortable life while doing nothing for themselves, it is irritating. And how is any of it fair or right?
I'm gonna have to agree with mary - as I said in my last post, it's not fair for anyone to say "ok, now that I have someone to support me (new husband or new wife, what have you...) I think I won't work and then my ex OWES me 100% support for the kids while I rely on current spouse and ex spouse to foot the bill for my and my kids. It's one thing for a current spouse to do that for the other spouse - that's fine - it's another thing entirely for the ex spouse to take advantage of the other ex spouse by slating them with 100% CS costs when that's not how it worked out before and when the child(ren) weren't seeing that amount of $ each month to begin with, when the parents were still together. Believe you me - my SS's have never had the amount of CS that DH pays, spent on them - not when DH was married to BM and not now either, because she's stupid with it and is very greedy.
That is why errors can happen and corrections are needed - and incomes should be imputed as accurately as possible for BOTH parents. No one should get a free ride when it comes to financially supporting their kids but some do.
Dang. I think since my SD lives with us I should tell my hubby to start asking for CS from his ex, I want a hot tub!
(kidding! -- sort of)
Sad isn't it? (Most) Women have double standards for everything. What ever happened to pride? Self Respect? I wouldn't want an extra dime from my ex in that situation; I would want what is fair for the kids but nothing else . . . same reason my H doesn't get anything from his ex I guess!