Cincinnati Babies

I'm tired of being wrong (LONG)

I feel like DH second guesses just about everything I do in regards to DD. Especially if his mom comes along saying things like "well, I didn't (or did) do that with all three of my kids". I just feel like I get no support for him whatsoever when it comes to parenting. He tells me I'm crazy all the time, and I'm starting to think he's not joking anymore. And if he doesn't say anything, he'll just give me this look, as if I'm downright insane.

Today I got upset during church, because his parents were holding her and talking to her during the service. DD was being perfect. Quiet little angel. His parents were causing the distraction. After church I told them & DH that if they couldn't pay attention during the service, then they wouldn't get to hold her during church anymore, and that I'd really hate to have to put the baby in the nursery because the adults couldn't pay attention to the preacher.

They turned it into a big joke about how I take everything too seriously. All three of them were cracking jokes and laughing at me.

Then DH gets upset because I'm in a "poopie mood". I told him I was just tired of everyone telling me I'm wrong, and I'm crazy, and laughing at me when all I was trying to do was be the best mommy I could be. He said "why do you care what everyone else thinks?". My response: "because you do it more than anyone, and you're my husband!"

I told him I wasn't angry, I was hurt, and he told me I needed to stop being hurt and get over it.

We were supposed to go out to eat with everyone, and he wasn't gonna go, because I was in a bad mood.

He finally agreed to go when I apologized for being in a bad mood, and told him from now I'd do my best to just stuff everything inside and just ask my doctor for an increase in my Lexapro (I'm being treated for PPD).

I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried over and over to tell him I need more help. I need more support. I need him to stop second guessing me. I need him to stop questioning me. I need a compliment every now and then. I feel like a failure. I've said it over and over again, in every way I know how, and it seems to fall on deaf ears. Which just makes me feel like I must be doing something else wrong that I can't get the message across to him. Because he's not a bad guy. He's been a great husband and father. So it must be my fault that he's not getting it, right? That's how it feels sometimes.

So today I'm surfing the net, and trying to avoid doing anything. I'm letting him make all of the decisions regarding DD, and when he asks me anything I'm responding with "whatever you think is best". Because obviously I can't do anything right.

Sorry. I just needed to get it out to someone.

Re: I'm tired of being wrong (LONG)

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    I used to feel very strongly about the way I did things with DS and I was upset when IL's and such did things differently.  I was also being treated for PPD at the time (Niko's first year).  It took me a while, but I realized that it is okay to do things differently, and for me not to be in control of Niko all of the time.  Niko becoming independent and asserting his opinions helped, too, lol.  I also realized that I was spending a lot of time feeling bad about myself, and needing justification...all the while Niko was growing  bigger and bigger and I was missing out on it. Now I just focus on him and cherish my time with him because he is growing up so fast!  My PPD meds really helped me get through the frustration that you are feeling.  I was on Zoloft.  DH used to call me "Angry Agathi" lol. 
    Married 12.27.03

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    Wow.  Sending a hug your way because it sounds like you need that the most.  Also, try to relax.  You're going to make mistakes as a parent, and so is your husband.  As long as your LO is loved, fed, and cared for, then that is what matters. 

     It seems to me like you and your hubby are not on the same page, and you aren't communicating as well as you need to be.  THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  With a brand new baby, it makes life even harder than it was before!  You are both learning the ropes and you both have different opinions on how to handle your daughter.  My biggest suggestion is that it sounds like you both need counseling together because you aren't seeing eye to eye.  You're fighting the PPD, and that just makes everything way worse.  He may need some instruction in how to work with you and make your life better, along with talking things out.  It's hard because his family does think they're joking with you and trying to make you laugh, and you aren't taking it that way.  I don't think I would either FWIW.  Have you told your DH how you feel?  Especially the last few paragraphs of this post???  He may need to hear it because I think he may understand you better.   

    I wish you luck, and you don't need to apologize for being human. 

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    You're not wrong at all. ?People raise children differently. ?My Mom has already started with "advice", but I know what I think is best and I'm going to do what I think is best. ?You really need to make it clear to your DH. ?It's hard with your MIL interfering b/c boys listen to their moms so much. ?My DH is the same way, he takes what his parents say about our life instead of what I'm saying about our life. ?From your posts it doesn't seem like you are doing anything wrong, so I wouldn't let it bother you. ?Make it clear to DH that this is your alls child and not his mother's child and you will raise her the way that you both decide is best, not what his mother thinks is best and what his mother tells him is best.?
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    You're not wrong, you're just following your instincts as a mother.  It's normal to not agree with everything that the IL's (or husband) do with baby.  You are not crazy and you have a right to want your child to raised a certain way.  That being said, you need to pick your battles, too.  If it's something that won't hurt your child or that you don't strongly disagree with, then it's probably okay to just let it go.  I know it's hard, though.  I'm a germaphobe and have hard time watching my DD with interact with other people sometimes.  Some people have even made comments about how germaphobic I am.  But, I can't help it, that's how I am and I instinctually want to protect my child.

    Try to keep communicating with your DH and not withdrawl.  Stick to your instincts, too.  You are not a failure.   Being a mommy isn't always easy. Hang in there!

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