MIL outed our IF problems(sorry long)

octobergirl8

We did not make it to my inlaws for the holidays bc DH had to work. But, my SIL called me to let me know that my MIL chose Christmas dinner to talk about out IF problems. My DH uncle's wife asked how I was feeling and instead of a simple oh she's fine, peeing alot, achy, anything would have been good....she said well you know they were trying so hard for this baby and then went on to tell everyone in the room(about 10 family members) about how I have PCOS and that is why I gained so much weight and could have hair problems, and bad acne.  And caused us to have to seek help to get pregnant.  She apparently went on and on  about it all.

After we realized IVF was our next step we had to come out to my inlaws about our struggles and borrow money from them.  We were already $20,000  in debt and could not afford more treatments.  We explained to them this was something we felt very private about and wanted  to keep it that way.  I opened up to my MIL (against better judgement, bc we have had problems in the past.  She had two boys and is the cliche of the overbearing mother whom no one is good enough for her boys)  I explained I had gained 15 lbs bc of it and was not ovulating.  I explained other side effects, none of which i have-but apparently she listed to the room I have all of them. 

I guess I should also mention she is an alcoholic, which I knew could be a problem.  But, we really had no choice but to tell them.  I guess I hoped this would be important enough that she would be able to handle the info.  I hoped this may be something that I could share with her and have a intimate relationship with her. Which she likes to claim she wants, she says she wants us to be like girlfriends.   I came home devastated after my SIL phone call.  I just feel so violated and betrayed.  I am not embarrassed by what we have had to do, but for me it is a private matter that I felt should stay that way.  The only other person who knows what we went through is my mom. 

 Even thought we are well on our way to becoming parents, the two years trying and year and half of IF treatments our still painful. We are still $15,000 in debt and I have had some complications with bleeding in 2nd trimester.  So, I am still sensitive.  If I am ever ready to discuss my experience openly, it should have been my decision.  It is my medical problem and my life.  Maybe she thought since I was pregnant-all could be let out in the open and that I was over it all.  Maybe she thinks next time around, if there is one-I will get pregnant magically. I, also, now worry about who else she told besides those few people-and of course word travels  in family.  Plus, we live in an area where if they told a set of friends it would travel all over. 

 DH is livid and plans on emailing them about this.  But, obviously, I feel slightly indebted to them for the loan they gave us.  Do we have a right to scold them? I know one thing, she won't be staying here for 2 wks after baby comes.  She called to tell me she will be spending 2 wks here at our home to "help" and she was going to play hard ball  with me about, even after I said no thank you. 

I just wanted to vent.  How would you feel?  What would you do?

firemansflame

Ouch!  I would be pretty ticked too.  My mom is the one who can't seem to keep her yapper closed   My MIL is actually really really good about things.  I would be HOT if I were in your shoes. 

I would have your husband handle the "scolding" and I might handle the subject of her not coming to help you separatly.  It's not as if you're telling her not to come stay as a punishment - you're telling her because you truly do not want her to come.  I too think this is an important bonding time for mom, dad and baby not the whole family (I realize many others have different family dianamics than I do and have different situations - there is no one size fits all answer here).

yankee42

i would be really annoyed..

my MIL likes to "talk" about us and the boys A LOT too, and it drives me nuts..but for us, she seems ashamed of the IF problems, and seems to go out of the way to avoid talking about it..like when she is with me, if someones asks the dreaded.."do twins run in the family?' she will say yes..something about her fathers cousin was a twin or some something..i have told her many times that the fathers side doesn't matter, and i have always been very open about my issues, and what we went through..

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JackiTiger

Oh.my.goodness.  I'm so sorry.  What you consider to be very private is not a topic for the holiday dinner table.  No two ways about it, regardless of whether money was lent or not.  If you wanted to keep it private, then that's what MIL should've done and you have every right to be angry and say something about it.  If it were me, I'd probably let DH take the lead on speaking up about it since he's "blood".  Family tends to take things better from the blood relatives than the in-laws it seems.  Good luck with the situation and, again, I'm so sorry she outted you like that.  That plain sucks.  

pamela-matt

I am really sorry this has happened to you.  She had no right, not even if they helped you financially.  I would certainly be sending an email.  Borrowing money does not give someone the right to share your personal, private medical information. 

ela81

I'm sorry. She had no business telling anybody about your IF problems. Yes, you have every right to be mad and have dh say something to her. Because your ILs loaned you and your dh money does not give them any right to share your personal business!