Must.Not.Compare — The Bump
Special Needs


I have a friend with a DD 4 months younger than Marley. I love hanging out with them because she is a wonderful friend and her DD is adorable. Plus, I can boast about all the things that Marley can do without worrying that her DD is anywhere near reaching those milestones.

Then I saw a pic on facebook that her 5.5 month old can rock on her hands and knees. Well so can Marley. In fact, she JUST started doing this at almost 10 months of age.

My heart sank. I knew this day would come. And I know that one day her DD will probably be crawling and even walking before Marley. And I try REALLY hard not to compare- but c'mon, how much does it suck when a baby 4 months younger than yours is doing the same thing if not more? I won't even dwell on the fact that her DD rolls constantly and Marley has only rolled over twice.

It just magnifies the fact that Marley is developmentally delayed.?

Vent over. Thanks.


Re: Must.Not.Compare

  • Lots of babies don't crawl until 11 months, if at all.  My DD didn't crawl until 11 months.  My pediatrician friend never crawled and didn't walk until 18 months. 

    Comparing is somewhat unavoidable, but no need to compare with the earliest kids do things :-)

  • Don't feel bad. Owen is a year tomorrow and he doesn't even roll or sit up yet never mind crawl! As long as she is happy don't stress yourself out, they will do things when their bodies are ready. You have to just focus on her own individual achievements rather than the "average baby".


  • Auntie- Holland does suck! That poem is BS. I'm not in Holland, I'm in Detroit (no disrespect to those who live in Detroit).

    I think you are an amazing mother and advocate for your son. You also give the most amazing advice and solace on this board.

    I'm in your alternate universe with you. We all are.?

  • I was just surfing this board for info on PT and development for my 9 mos old boys and I saw your post. I completely understand.  And Holland blows major chunks.  I'm so depressed and exhausted and feel like no one else has any sense of urgency on offering as much help with their development as possible.  They just started grabbing their feet and lifting their heads but hey are so far from where they need to be even accounting for their adjusted age of 6mos. 

    I'm at my breaking point and don't know what else to do.  And 3 of my closest friends just announced they're pg so now I have to see their perfect kids do this faster than mine... so depressed.  They just don't get it.  I'M SICK OF PEOPLE TELLING ME TO STOP WORRYING!!!


  • I know, having 4 kids who are all so different, that children are unique and shouldn't be compared, but I know how hard it is not to. I do daycare so sometimes it's magnified for me - the little girl who is 5 months younger than my daughter who is almost running while Chloe can only hold herself up on all 4's for a few moments and just started getting herself into a sitting position 2 wks ago. The 2 y/o who can count higher than my almost 5 y/o. I think the key is to stop thinking about what they can't do, and start concentrating on what they can do - and I think they learn so much from each other. Throw out the milestone chart and just concentrate on the inchstones.


    3 boys (15, 8, 6), 1 girl (4)
  • Hey Ama,


    Not everyone likes Detriot, but some people really, really love Motown music..

  • Yep, I can totally relate.  My BFF's DD is now crawling and Emerson is not at all.  She always calls to tell me (rub in -- why she does this IDK because we're supposed to be BFF's not rivals) her DD's latest milestone.  She is 7 months younger than DS (DS is 15 months) and I never thought I'd have to watch everyone's children around me doing stuff before him.  But then again, I never thought my baby would have a brain tumor and stroke either. 

    I guess for me it helps to think of all the things he's overcome to get where he is today, and honestly, after his 8 or 9 brain surgeries it's almost like he was reset somewhere along the way.  Heck, he shouldn't even be ALIVE, much less sitting and rolling and babbling and smiling!  So just try to think of the positives and don't let the negatives get in your way!

  • I just wanted to peek in and say that a few months ago when I was reading some updates about Marley... I wasn't so sure you'd ever experience her rocking on her knees, or even sitting for that matter. ?It made my heart leap to see the picture of her sitting in the chair & to hear that she is rocking on her hands&knees brings tears to my eyes. ?GOOD JOB Marley! Good Job MOM!?

    I personally can't comment on how you feel - but I can't imagine. ?I hope you get to feel some successes - even small ones. ?The comparison is always there - mine is SO different...but I feel it with my little boy too. ?I just hope the pain of comparison is offset by some more successes soon, just to make a mommy's heart leap for a minute....?

  • My DD doesn't crawl...and doesn't rock either. I really think sometimes it's just the personality of the kid and not even necessarily developmental delays!



  • That sucks Amajane!  At least your friend doesn't go on about this stuff to you though - sounds like she is actually pretty nice. 

     It makes me think of how at my family holiday party my aunt was bragging to me about how her little grandbaby was ahead on all of her milestones and at 8 months is practically walking.  All I could say was, yeah I guess I get to hold onto Isaac's baby time a little longer. 

    Isaac at 5 months is pretty much like a newborn!  :)  oh one day we'll get all that fancy head control and stuff.  one sweet day!

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