I was just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and how they handled it or if anyone had advice...I will try to keep it short.
FI and I have been together 4'ish years, lived together almost 2 years, engaged since August. From the time we started realizing we would end up married I have slowly let him know my feelings towards fostering and adoption. It is something that (for whatever reason) I feel very strongly about and feel it is something I HAVE to do. From the time I was in elementary school (I don't even know how I knew what adoption was) I felt it was something I was going to be apart of. I've always thought of my future family being multicultural and consisting of adopted and bio kids.
The thought had never entered FI's mind until I spoke about it. It's completely foreign to him. He's very much into the idea of bio children, but that's it. He has slowly warmed up to the idea of adoption but is still hesitant. He says he is mostly concerned about "not knowing what you'd get." I questioned him further b/c I didn't really know what he meant. He said you never know about family history (alcoholism, violence, pre-disposed conditions, etc.) I tried to explain that it's not as if someone drops a kid on our doorstep and runs away. The last conversation (when he said you don't know what you'd get) got kind of heated. From his logic, would we be less inclined to have bio kids since alcoholism runs in both of our families and depression/serious health issues run in mine???
Anyway, point being...I am scared that this issue will be put off and put off and put off and we will be 50 and have not adopted or fostered. He knows I'm not wanting to do any of this anytime soon, but eventually. I guess I just feel the need to come to definite agreement NOW, before we are married (so I find myself bringing it up a little more and delving deeper into issues.) Is this unreasonable?
Part of me understands where he is coming from...it has never been something for him to think about so everything is new information. I have read a library copy of Adoption for Dummies and plan to buy it so that he can read it (at least skim it) on his own time as well. When we left off that last conversation I told him that the way he views having bio children is how I view adoption-as something that is not optional. And now I've blabbed on so much I don't even know what my question is. I guess just how do I continue POSITIVE conversation? And does this need to be completely resolved before we get married? Has anyone had a SO that was not as psyched about it as you?
I realize this is just a big communication issue as well. We've never had a fight, hardly a disagreement, and this is the first issue that got both of us a little heated.
TIA! and sorry this is in no way short!