Adoption

I was adopted. Feel free to ask questions.

  I was adopted as an infant in a closed adoption. I found my birth family when I was 17. If anyone has any questions for me feel free to ask.


Mom to Angels. Chemical Pregnancies 08/03, 04/04, 10/06, 12/21/10 -Gabriel with us for 6w 5d,BFP 5/25/11 -Jade with us for 5w 3d





Mom to N 07/08/06, L 07/25/09, and S 05/14/12




Stepmom to K 02/14/04 and A 12/17/04




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Re: I was adopted. Feel free to ask questions.

  • Whoa...I have LOTS of questions but will limit them -

    1) What would you say was your biggest challenge being an adopted child?

    2) Did you wish it was an open adoption?

    3) Do you currently keep in contact with bios?

    4) Any advice for me as a fosterparent hoping to adopt?  I have a newborn placement and have met the birthmom.

     

  • I have a few.  Thanks!

    1.  When you were looking for your birth mom, did your parents support you?  Do you think your parents felt weird about it?

    2.  Did you look like your parents?  If not, did you find a lot of people asking you and how did that make you feel?

    3.  Did your parents have any other children (bio)?  Did you feel like less part of the family if your parents had bio child?

     

    Thank you.  And if any of these questions are too personal, just ignore. 

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  •     
  • image 2bWednDec:

    Whoa...I have LOTS of questions but will limit them -

    1) What would you say was your biggest challenge being an adopted child?

    2) Did you wish it was an open adoption?

    3) Do you currently keep in contact with bios?

    4) Any advice for me as a fosterparent hoping to adopt?  I have a newborn placement and have met the birthmom.

     

     

    1) I would say the biggest challenge for me was feeling sad on my birthday. I used to think a lot about my BM on that day. People didn't understand why anyone would be sad on their birthday and so they weren't very supportive. It wasn't until I was older and did reaserch that I found out that I wasn't alone.

    2) YES YES YES!!! I wish it would have been an open adoption. I always felt like something was missing in my life. I didn't even know my parent's first names. I was never treated differently by my family and strangers had no idea I was adopted but I noticed that I looked a little different. I always wondered who I looked like.

    3) I have never talked to my BF. He denies that I am his. I did find his daughter, my sister, on myspace and we talk sometimes. I am very close with my BM. She lives a few states away. I have gone to visit her a few times, she came here for my son's birth, my wedding (she was a bride's maid), and will be here for the birth of my next baby. We talk on the phone several times a week.

    4) I don't really know your situation so this may not be possible. Get as much information as you can about the BP. Even little things like favorite foods, types of music, hobbies. If you won't be keeping in contact with them you'll want answers to questions your child may ask later. It at all possible keep in contact with them. I always wished I could have talked to my BM while I was growing up. I used to write her letters but I didn't have anywhere to send them. I gave them to her when we finally met.



    Mom to Angels. Chemical Pregnancies 08/03, 04/04, 10/06, 12/21/10 -Gabriel with us for 6w 5d,BFP 5/25/11 -Jade with us for 5w 3d





    Mom to N 07/08/06, L 07/25/09, and S 05/14/12




    Stepmom to K 02/14/04 and A 12/17/04




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  • image BensWife:

    I have a few.  Thanks!

    1.  When you were looking for your birth mom, did your parents support you?  Do you think your parents felt weird about it?

    2.  Did you look like your parents?  If not, did you find a lot of people asking you and how did that make you feel?

    3.  Did your parents have any other children (bio)?  Did you feel like less part of the family if your parents had bio child?

    1)YES! My parents were very supportive. My BM wrote me a letter when I was a baby and I always had it. It was one of a few things she was allowed to send with me. In it she said she wanted me to find her when I was older if I wanted. I always knew this was something I wanted to do and the thought that my parents would be upset by this never crossed my mind. When I was 10 my dad showed me how to use the internet to search for her. I did this for the next 7 years and about two weeks before my 17th birthday I found her. I ran upstairs and told my mom. We both couldn't stop crying. My BM called me later that night. I talked with her by myself in my room for around 6 hours straight and then my mom talked to her. We talked more the next day and decided that I would come see her and spend my birthday there. My mom drove me and we met my BM the night before my birthday in our hotel. Both of my mom's got to talk. Now they are very close and talk on the phone several times a month.

    2) both of my adopted parents had fair sking and dark hair just like me so I looked like I could have been born to them. No one really asked questions because everyone knew I was adopted. I knew from an early age and was proud of it so I told everyone. I do look a lot like my BM only she has blonde hair. She is only 15 years older than me so people think we are sisters.

    3) My adoptive parents never had any other children. My mom had PCOS. The were happy to have just one child and didn't try to adopt again. I did always want a brother or sister growing up. When I found my BM I found out she had three boys after me.

    Thank you.  And if any of these questions are too personal, just ignore. 



    Mom to Angels. Chemical Pregnancies 08/03, 04/04, 10/06, 12/21/10 -Gabriel with us for 6w 5d,BFP 5/25/11 -Jade with us for 5w 3d





    Mom to N 07/08/06, L 07/25/09, and S 05/14/12




    Stepmom to K 02/14/04 and A 12/17/04




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  •     
  • That is awesome... I love hearing adoptees' perspectives.  I love my daughter so much, and I love her firstmom, too.  We have an open adoption, but her other mom kind of comes and goes with contact.  I know she will always be there for our DD though, so I'm really glad for that.  I want her to be able to make her own choices as far as what sort of relationship she wants with her bio family, but of course I hope she loves them and includes them in her life, too.

    The main question I can think of right now is how did your parents explain relinquishment/placement to you?  Maybe since it was a closed adoption they didn't know very much, but of course ours is open so we know more details.  I worry sometimes about how we'll explain everything to her, age-appropriately, so that she doesn't wonder and knows her whole story, and yet doesn't feel rejected, abandoned, unloved, etc.  I know she's going to feel however she's going to feel about it, but as a mom, naturally I worry.

    Thanks for sharing your story.  It's great to hear from an adult's perspective.  It makes me feel like maybe we're on the right track!  :)

  • image Married3.22.03:

    That is awesome... I love hearing adoptees' perspectives.  I love my daughter so much, and I love her firstmom, too.  We have an open adoption, but her other mom kind of comes and goes with contact.  I know she will always be there for our DD though, so I'm really glad for that.  I want her to be able to make her own choices as far as what sort of relationship she wants with her bio family, but of course I hope she loves them and includes them in her life, too.

    The main question I can think of right now is how did your parents explain relinquishment/placement to you?  Maybe since it was a closed adoption they didn't know very much, but of course ours is open so we know more details.  I worry sometimes about how we'll explain everything to her, age-appropriately, so that she doesn't wonder and knows her whole story, and yet doesn't feel rejected, abandoned, unloved, etc.  I know she's going to feel however she's going to feel about it, but as a mom, naturally I worry.

    Thanks for sharing your story.  It's great to hear from an adult's perspective.  It makes me feel like maybe we're on the right track!  :)

      When my mother placed me she gave me a stuffed bear, my going home from the hospital outfit, and a letter. My bear was always in my room growing up. My parents called it my "birth mommy bear". They explained it was from my birth mother. When I was really little I didn't really think about what that ment. When I was older they got me this book called The Mauberry bird. It is a children's book about adoption and I would recomend it for any parent who wants to explain adoption to a small child. When I was around seven or eight my parents read to me the letter my mother had written me. It didn't have any identifying information but my mom did explain why she made the choice she made. Even though she wasn't there with my she helped explain things to me in her letter and that was really helpful for me. Maybe you and your daughter's other mom could find a way to explain things to your daughter together when she is old enough. For now, like I said, I think the book the mulberry bird would be a geat book for you to get. It was written by Anne Braff Brodzinsky.



    Mom to Angels. Chemical Pregnancies 08/03, 04/04, 10/06, 12/21/10 -Gabriel with us for 6w 5d,BFP 5/25/11 -Jade with us for 5w 3d





    Mom to N 07/08/06, L 07/25/09, and S 05/14/12




    Stepmom to K 02/14/04 and A 12/17/04




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    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
  •     
  •    Like I said, feel free to ask questions. If you have a question and don't want to post it on here you can send me an e-mail at sabrina69barnes@gmail.com. If you do, please put something like the bump, or adoption questions for the subject so I don't think it is spam.


    Mom to Angels. Chemical Pregnancies 08/03, 04/04, 10/06, 12/21/10 -Gabriel with us for 6w 5d,BFP 5/25/11 -Jade with us for 5w 3d





    Mom to N 07/08/06, L 07/25/09, and S 05/14/12




    Stepmom to K 02/14/04 and A 12/17/04




    image

    image




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    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
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