Passing down depression

VileyGirL

What are your opinions on passing clinical depression on to your children?  I've been doing some research and it's pretty obvious that while a correlation exists between depression in parents and depression in children, it has not been proven to be hereditary or genetically linked.  There are, however, very strong arguments for the parent-child correlation and as someone who has struggled with depression since high school, has a mother who takes SSRI's as daily part of life, and has a recovering-alcoholic dad who clearly has latent issues with depression, I'm worried about it.  I know millions of women suffer from depression, whether they know it or not, and have healthy happy babies that grow into healthy happy children and adults.. but... ehhhhh....

I think about that episode of Grey's where Izzie tells the HIV mom that she has less than a 3% chance of passing HIV on to her baby if she takes the right meds, and I think, "Wow, less chance of passing on HIV than there is chance your child will inherit your depression."  I know Grey's is not the best source for family planning, but it's just a thought process thing.

Thoughts, opinions, shared state of crazy?  Anyone?

XXXXX222

That is a really interesting question. ?I'm not diagnosed or being treated, but here are my thoughts: In the end, if you can decide that life is worth it, then it's worth having children. ?Even if they end up suffering from depression too. ?There are a couple members of my extended family who are severely depressed, and I see that it's been passed onto their children (whether it is biological or environmental). ?The children have all grown up and even though life isn't smooth sailing for them, I don't think they regret living.

Jenn30

I think, unfortunately, there is no question that depression has a genetic component--a number of genes have been identified that are linked to depression (though they don't guarantee you'll get it, just raise your risk).  And like you say, there are environmental factors as well. 

I think like any other condition that includes genetic risk factors (which means most common chronic diseases), the fear of passing it on to your kid is just something you have to live with.  Both DH and I have medical conditions that have a genetic component, and I certainly wonder whether our children will get these too--but I know there's very little if anything I can do about it.  I can only provide our children with the best, most secure, happiest life we can offer and go from there.

Meg 'n' Eric

Jenn30:

  I certainly wonder whether our children will get these too--but I know there's very little if anything I can do about it.  I can only provide our children with the best, most secure, happiest life we can offer and go from there.

I tend to agree with Sulfa most of the time, and this is no excption.  I also think this quote from Jenn is very well put. 

orleyl

I agree its a combo of genetics and environment but worrying about passing depression to your children won't change that they may be predisposed. A predisposition is not a guarantee that it will happen. You can however be aware of signs and symptoms as your child grows up. Hell, my sister, dad, and uncle are bipolar. My husband's dad died due to alcoholism and my husband has a history of anxiety. My child may have all kinds of predispositions. But I just accept there are some things that are beyond my control.

war_eagle

My mom dealt with depression, as have I. ?I do believe there is a link, but it is a very treatable disease.

mvoeck

This is a great question and it's great that you're aware of it. I'm a therapist and so I've seen this issue play out. I think the trick is to realize what you can and cannot control. You can't control the genetic part, you can however model positive coping mechanisms for your children. Be a model for how to manage depression in a healthy way - nutrition, healthy sleep patterns, exercise, therapy, and medication (for some) (those are the Big 5 when dealing w/D).?

VileyGirL

sulfababy:

In the end, if you can decide that life is worth it, then it's worth having children.

I agree wholeheartedly.  I can't imagine what would come of this world if we stopped having children because we feared they would experience hardship.  I think my implied comparison to those who avoid conceiving because they have the Tay-Sachs gene, hemophilia, sickle cell, or HIV is extreme considering the course and end result of depression is not nearly as definite... it's just that depression has been a harsh reality for me, it's what I know.  It has been a heartbreaking thing for my parents to watch me go through, and at times it has affected my life with my husband.  It has also been a struggle to steer clear of alcohol and avoid alcoholism at all costs since depression lends itself very easily to excessive drinking.  I don't know if I'm as strong a person as my mom and dad have been and I can't imagine the guilt if my child was afflicted with depression.  At this point, I'm not sure if it's selfish to not want to have children because I'm afraid of my own guilt, or to have them and risk passing this whole mess on.

XXXXX222

I'm truly sorry that you struggle with these things. ?Best of luck in managing well and making everything you do in life worth it. ?You also raise another interesting issue: selfishness. ?Is wanting to have children in the first place selfish? ?Would not wanting to have children at all because of the risks be selfish? ?Who knows, haha.

VileyGirL

mvoeck:

This is a great question and it's great that you're aware of it. I'm a therapist and so I've seen this issue play out. I think the trick is to realize what you can and cannot control. You can't control the genetic part, you can however model positive coping mechanisms for your children. Be a model for how to manage depression in a healthy way - nutrition, healthy sleep patterns, exercise, therapy, and medication (for some) (those are the Big 5 when dealing w/D). 

Thank you.  In more rational, less emotionally-charged days, this is the path my thoughts usually follow.  And as my husband says, I'm not going to weed out the gene for depression by not having children, but I will certainly miss out on incredible joys and growth experiences if I don't.  Not to mention the lows that would come from not ever experiencing pregnancy and childbirth.  You're so right about instilling good coping mechanisms and lifestyle choices - simple things make a dramatic difference.

And I love your "Believe and Breathe" siggy tag.  I'm writing that on a post-it note and taping it to my rearview mirror first thing tomorrrow.