DH's age affecting time to TTC?

Virginny

Wondering if anyone else is in the same boat. I am 25 and DH is almost 35. While my age doesn't affect our TTC plans, I can't help but think that if we had a baby now, DH would be 40 when our first (we'd like a few) goes off to Kindergarten.

 Yes, I'm a compulsive planner. So, if we spaced out our kids and had our last let's say 5 years after the first, DH would be 45 when that one goes off to kindergarten. 

I keep thinking about what his energy level will be like years from now. I think it all stems from the fact that I'm 25 and my dad is 50. My parents got married young and started their family young as well. So my parents are 50 and 48 and all their children are in their 20s. I don't want DH to be 50 with toddlers running around. 

 For that reason, I want to get started now!!!! But DH wants us to wait at least a year before trying. I feel so impatient. 

Anyone else in the same boat?

margarita1365

Well you shouldn't go for it until you are both ready, so if he wants to wait a year, then that's what you'll have to do.

I do have a friend who is 30 and her DH is going to be 50 next month (it's really not as creepy as it sounds... you'd never guess he was over 40), and they just had a baby in October.

Mrs.PeachyKeen

I just got married at 34 and will be almost 35 when we TTC early next year.  Am I too old, will I be an ancient mother?  No.  I am not worried about it.  People are having babies much later in life for many reasons: married later,  focus on career and stability, etc.

I would have loved to have kids younger, but that wasn't the cards dealt to us.  I am more worried about getting pregnant at my age rather than worried that I can't chase after them.  

 

StephanieBride1

My parents were 33 and 34 when I was born. They kept up with me. Talk to him now about it, and if he wants to wait, he wants to wait.

nlvaden

1 year wont make that big of a difference i think.

annibes

DH and I talked about this extensively. We're exactly in your boat- I'm 25 and he's 35. We were in a bit of a pickle because I still have to finish school but didn't want to be 30 when we started trying (who knows how long it could take to get pregnant if I waited that long!) and he didn't want to be in his 40s when the first one came around.?

We finally came to the conclusion that babies will come when babies want to come. So we stopped avoiding and went on normally with our lives, and 2 months later, we're expecting our first.

So if you guys want to get started, get started. But beware that it can happen a LOT faster than you'd expect!!! I did have to remind DH a few times during our discussions that it takes 9 months-ish for the baby to come; it's not like I'd get pregnant and BOOM there's a baby in the house. We get the better part of a year to prepare.

Anyway, GL on whatever you and DH decide.

annibes

Oh... but I should also clarify. I was "ready" to have kids before we got married (I didn't want to have them before we got married, but I felt we could handle them then). So it came down to DH's decision and when he felt ready enough to give the go-ahead.

It sounds like you guys are in the same situation, which means it is ultimately DH's decision on when you start.. that can be frustating. My word of advice is not to push it. I did, because I waited almost a year after we got married and started to feel the fever- he started feeling pressured and it turned him off to the idea for awhile. Let him "get there" on his own!! Things moved along much faster once I left him alone about it.

gringa78

Ditto PeachyKeen.

thefarmchick

I'm 26 and DH is 34.  We talked about what we wanted to do before we were married.  DH wanted children right away for the reasons that we would like a big family and he didn't want to be in his late 40's with toddlers and I was ready too.

texmeg

I would let your DH worry about how much energy he'll have for toddlers.  I agree w/ the pp that people are having babies much later in life - he probably won't be the oldest one at the soccer games.  If he is not ready, then I would give him the year he asked for - that will be much better for you guys in the long run.  Plus, you just got married - enjoy just being a couple for now.  Maybe plan to go off BC 3 months before ttc, start charting, regulating your cycles.  That way you will feel like there is a plan and you are making progress rather than just waiting indefinitely.  Good luck. 

islelily

I'm 26 and DH is 36. ?I've thought about it for a bit, how its been taking us a little while to get pregnant with a healthy baby (m/c in June and have been trying since). ?

I don't worry about it too much. ?I think DH will be a great dad no matter what age. ?Make sure you both are on the same page. ?If DH isn't worried about his age waiting one more year, I don't think you should either. ?Good luck!?

heather_09_15_07

:blank stare:

I'm 35 and my DH is 30. Good god, I hope I'm not too decrepit to keep up with my kids when they go to kindergarten.

Virginny

Wow, this was a lively discussion. It's nice to see others be able to relate. Thanks for all the feedback. DH and I agree that we will wait until we are ready, we just moved into our first house and I have a lot of decorating/designing to do before we can think of adding to our family. But as farmgirl mentioned I want to have a big family as well, I'm one of 27 grandchildren on my mom's side, mom is one of 9. Okay, 9 is way too many, we don't need an army.

 

 Yes, I've just stopped BCP and have begun charting and taking PNVs in anticipation of starting our family.

Folks are waiting longer and longer these days, my SIL included, she was 34 when her first was born, my supervisor was 38 with her only child and I see couples in their late 30s/early 40s who are starting families. It's just that I came from a very young set of parents, so I am bias. My mom tells me all the time how glad she was to have us all by age 28. And now we're all grown and my parents are in late 40s and can enjoy time to themselves. I guess it's different for everyone.

sgrl

My dad is 60 and he runs, water skis, and coaches little league. He could keep up with a toddler better than I could at 28. It's all about the individual.