Help me: define SAHM

jennhawk

I am having a hard time adjusting to not working, which I've done since I was 14. When I worked, I was okay with laundry piling up and dishes going unwashed, and I would just do those things when I had time-some evenings, some weekends. My house was acceptable but not spotless.

Now that I'm not working, it's like I'm obsessed with the house being clean. Part of it is that I see keeping it clean as my job now, and part of it is I don't want dd crawling around on a filthy floor, getting into trash, etc. Another part is that everyone here has a maid, so their houses are perfect. We are getting someone to come in a couple times a week to do stuff like the windows and ironing, but I really want to let go my frustration at cleaning things constantly and being mad when they immediately get dirty again (like everytime dd eats). 

How do you view the job of a SAHM? How do I stop being a witch to my dh when he leaves stuff lying around (which he's always done a bit) b/c I have become Martha Stewart on expired prozac?

Sorry so long. This is a bit of a vent as well as a question.

1MusicMaker

I consider myself a SAHM, but I also teach 2 hours of music lessons a day.  I try to plan DS's down time/nap time when I'm teaching, so when I'm with him I interact the whole time.  Which means my house is not as clean as it could be.  Honestly, I do almost everything at night when he goes to bed.  If I didn't work from home at all, I would definitely get more done during the day, but I feel like his 2 hours when I'm teaching is plenty of "alone" play time.  I think you need to make sure your priorities are in order, though:  baby time is more important!

tzrbug

Hey you're not alone! I've worked since 14 too, and just quit my job in Feb this yr after 8 yrs and boy was I good at it and awesome commissions. Now I'm on his "payroll" and all the advice I can give is get DH involved! If he doesn't want to help clean then he needs to watch DS, move furniture so you can vac, and put up the clean clothes or pay with no guilt on you for a maid! I've had molly maids come twice since DS for BIG time 3 hr cleaning, the rest I maintain. Catch him in teh act of dropping his crap around, tell him you'll start charging him to pickup after him j/k HAHA!

Happy2beMrsT

I see my job as a SAHM primarily to take care of DD. I spend the majority of my time playing with her, feeding her and caring for her. She is the best and most time consuming aspect of being a SAHM (for me). The other parts of my job consist of cleaning, shopping and cooking. Some days I don't do a great job at the cleaning, shopping and cooking but I always make sure I'm doing a good job with DD.....she's what's most important. I say all of this, but I do keep a tidy home. It is more for my sanity than out of a feeling of responsibilty. I just don't like to live in clutter and dirt. HTH!

LoriFalce

I look at it kind of the way I would look at someone I hired to come in and do the job. The number one priority is DC; house and cooking are secondary as there is time. And that is from the time your husband leaves in the morning until he comes home. After that, you are both off the clock and equally responsible for the house/child.

jlb7640

I have a cleaning lady come once a month.  I am maintain from there.  My DH also leaves his stuff all over the place.  I tell him I am at home to care for DD not to be his maid.  When I spend my time picking up after him; I lose time doing other things around the house.  He has been like this since we married and I know he is not going to change hence why I get a maid.

CoastieWife08

My job is to take care of Scarlett.

If I get time to do laundry and cleaning, then great.  If not, DH helps me on the weekends by either doing the chore or watching Scarlett so I can finish whatever I started earlier in the week.

When we finally live together again and have a home, I will probably be going back to work.  If I don't, I'd like to add dinner to my list of things I want to get accomplished each day.

jennhawk

Thanks, ladies. I know dd is my primary responsibilty, but I'm just having trouble losing the concept of both interactiing with her constantly and keeping a perfectly clean house.

It is nice to know that I'm not alone.

ashley0616

If I were a SAHM, I would see it as my job to keep the house tidy, keep laundry done, have meals made, keep DD alive, etc. If DH makes a mess, however, he would still be responsible for picking up after himself! I think maybe you two should have a talk about what's expected now that your circumstances have changed. There's no reason you should be his maid. Good luck!

CD+AL

I will be a SAHM very soon, and I'm planning to define my "job" (as in my day job) as caring for DS and making sure that he has plenty of opportunities to learn and explore.  DH and I have already had several conversations about how that means that the house may not always be perfect and that he'll still have to pitch in with household chores about as much (probably a little less) as he does now b/c my primary focus will be DS.  I am not staying at home to be a maid.

Maybe a mindshift about your "job duties" would help refocus you?  Have you talked to DH about how you're feeling?

franciscaz

I went crazy just being "Stay at Home Mom".  So how do I view the job?  THE TOUGHEST JOB IN THE FREE WORLD!!!!  The pay sucks, you work 24/7 with no holidays or vacations.  Adult interaction is a luxury not a right.  You are also giving your child the most wonderful selfless gift in the world.  They will always know you are right there for them when they need you!

How do you adjust?  I don't have the answer.  I copped out and got a WAH job within 3 wks of maternity leave from my old job.  I think communication helps, making sure DH gives you time for yourself, finding a hobby etc. that is totally NBR, and even just getting out of the house and doing service.  Let him know SAHM doesn't equal maid.

Good luck!  I have all the respect in the world for you.  Not only being a SAHM but in Chile!  Hang in there sweetie you are doing great!