Mom vent

mrs_harper

So, this Thanksgiving, DD got to meet some family members that had never gotten to see her before, and it was a special event for me. However, my mom (who our family refers to as an "Eris hog") can't stand to not be the one holding her at family functions, even though she gets to see her once a week, sometimes more.

Everytime a relative showed up that hadn't met DD, my mom would snatch her up and take her outside before they could even make it to the house so that she could be the one to introduce them, and it really went all over me. She's my baby after all!

Beyond that, she kept taking her away from relatives who rarely get to see her. My great aunt was holding her, and as I walked by DD reached out for me, but since she wasn't fussy, I didn't take her. My mom, on the other hand, saw this from 15 feet away and declared "She wants her grandma!" and took her!

Then, DD was getting fussy when we were trying to leave, so I took her back. My other aunt wanted to hold her because she hadn't gotten a turn yet, and DD cheered right up with her. My mom sat on a chair across the room and glared at them the whole time! She's so ridiculously jealous of anyone being with MY daughter, and it's really pissing me off!

Dani123

Man I hope you get some good answers on this one because my mom is the SAME WAY!!! I feel your pain    You're not alone.

She wants to be the favorite....shes even said to DD "Come to Mama" or "Come see Mommy" right in front of me....It IS infuriating.

I just take a breath and take her away when I want her or when I feel its "enough"  My mom is very sensitive so its hard to approach...

GL!!!

ms_mellor

That would drive me nuts!  My mom would do that if we let her.  We have a close enough relationship that I would say something, if my dad didn't get to her first.

I don't have any suggestion for you...I'm just impressed that you didn't say anything.  I think I would have had a hard time keeping my mouth shut! 

IckyThump

I sometimes have the same issue with my mom. She sees DS a few times a week, and she is a complete "Aidan hog". At Thanksgiving my SIL, sho hasn't seen DS since late September, was holding him. He got a little fussy, and even thought my SIL was doing fine with him, my mom snatched him up and walked off with him.

She also pulls this crap with me. A few weeks ago my mom was holding DS when my dad sneezed loudly and scared the crap out of DS. He burst into tears and even reached for me. I repeatedly tried to take him from my mom but she kept walking off with him, trying to soothe him herself. A similiar thing happened this past week when DS was playing with the cord on the wall phone in my mom's kitchen - he yanked the receiver down onto his head and, once again looked at me as he started crying. My mom walked off with him when I tried to get him. I honestly never thought she'd be the type to pull this crap, but if it continues we'll have to have a talk.

ms_mellor

I wonder if it's because they have a hard time not being the mom, not being the 'main' person in the baby's life??  Not an excuse for sure.  I'm truly impressed with you girls!!  I have a hard time stopping and taking a breath, I'm sure I would have taken DD, and stomped away (nope...not mature at all!!).

Holidays are great and all, but sometimes family just gets to be too much! 

mrs_harper

My mom is really prone to drama and big displays of her dissatisfaction with things, so I try not to make the situation worse. Still, this stuff really bothers me! She even keeps telling family members that I need to leave DD with her at least once a week so that she won't be so attached to me!

DH and I went to a movie a few weeks ago and my grandma watched her, but I got a phone call the next day from my mom demanding to know why I hadn't called her to do it instead!

Heidi Lanigan-Potter

My MIL can be this way as well.  She takes Arlo away from people who hardly get to see him and she sees him at LEAST twice a week.  When we arrive at their house, she can hardly hold herself back from snatching him away from me, but I use my body language to tell her it's not ok.  I'll either stop looking at her and walk away toward someone else, or I'll hold him in such a way that she can't take him without physically prying him from my arms.  She loves to be the one to introduce him to people too, but I feel like DH and I deserve that privilelge (especially now with stranger anxiety setting in) since we created him and I gave birth to him. 

I think it's time to have a conversation with her at a time when other people aren't around (less drama I would imagine) and let her know that even though you know she adores her grandchild, her actions are not ok.

ntbd

Holy cow - it sounds exactly like my MIL. I can't stand the constant baby snatching & the comments to go with it  - "Oh, grandma can take care of you better" or "you only need me". Ugh. She tries also takes DD away away from me when she's fussy. And when she succeeds, she walks away from me.

I completely understand your frustration. Its hard to bite my tongue. I'm trying to take my friends advise of trying to "grow a pair"!  I just recently read this article & wish I could send it to her. 

 

https://www.parents.com/family-life/dynamics/grandparents/notes-from-a-new-grandma/?sssdmh=dm17.349345&esrc=nwaspo&email=1611151469