confused re sleep methods

PaxMama

So, my DH and I have mostly employed a Sears/attachment style of parenting with our 6.5mo DS.  At night, we go to him as soon as he cries.  We have an effing expensive and empty crib in DS's room, a pack 'n play in our room (also empty), and our DS sleeping in our bed.  He rarely sleeps past 1.5hrs at any given time.  Needless to say, it has taken its toll on me, esp since soothing equals EBFing, and it has taken its toll on our marriage.

 At one point not long ago, I was vehemently opposed to any form of crying.  But even though I attend to DS quickly, he cries, and some days, I'm crying because of lack of sleep.

I read Pantley's No-Cry Sleep Solution and her methods didn't really work.  I read Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits..., but he didn't offer too much regarding transferring from family bed to crib, except "do it gradually".  His napping advice has, however, been excellent...it's just that DS's naps are all in our bed.   I have heard about Ferber, but I'm honestly very hesitant to try it or Weissbluth.

Help?  Encouragement? My expectations for DS STTN are very low, but I cannot do every 45 minutes-1:45 all night.  I do nurse lying down, but I cannot sleep peacefully with DS in bed --- we have a full sized bed and I constantly worry about his safety.  He is now 23lbs and hates being rocked or swayed, so I eventually give up and collapse with him in our bed.

Wow, sorry so long.  TIA, everyone!
 

nylagirl

I highly recommend "The Sleep Easy Solution" : www.sleepyplanet.com.   I definitely lean toward the attachment parenting method myself, but I too finally needed to get some sleep for my own health and sanity. IMO, Sleep Easy it is a much more gentle version of ferber. There's a book and a DVD depending on your preference. I found the DVD to be the easiest way to get the info, especially when I was so sleep deprived! It worked for me in two nights, and for everyone else I know who tried it, it worked in 3 nights tops. It really helps teach babies how to self-soothe with minimal crying, and is sensitive to the fact that you need to be a mom first and a sleep trainer second - so there are contingencies for teething, developmental milestones, separation anxiety, etc. I believe it also deals with transitioning from co-sleeping to the crib.

No matter what you decide, GL and keep us posted!

Chris&Jen

We have recently (like, this week) started having Owen take his naps in his crib.  I rock/nurse him in his room with his favorite CD playing softly.  When he is asleep, I unlatch him, and gently place him in his crib, on his side.  Our plan is to start having him sleep at night in his crib within the next 2-3 months. 

 It sounds like your co-sleeping situation isn't ideal.  If you are only in a full-sized bed, I would really try to get him in his crib, or PnP.  I would suggest working on getting him to nap in his crib, so that he associates sleeping with his crib, KWIM?  Who knows, maybe he will be more comfortable in his crib.  I keep telling myself that is why Owen isn't STTN yet, lol.  *I* am the one who isn't ready for him to go to his crib, lol.  Good luck, it is such a hard transition.  

 P.S.- This CD has seriously saved our lives.  

https://www.amazon.com/Dedicated-One-Love-Linda-Ronstadt/dp/B000002HM8/ref=sr_1_36?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1227929187&sr=8-36

SarahBukisi

i feel your pain. i am/was in the same boat. when ds ended up in our bed, he just crawled all over me looking for boobs. and he gave me many swollen lips bumping his hard head into mine. i love the boy... but us mamas need sleep too!!! so last week at our 9 month dr visit, our dr suggested putting his crib right next to my side of the bed... after 2 days ds was sleeping in his bed for 8 hours straight!! instead of picking him up out of bed i would just put my arm through and he would fall asleep on my hand. amazing it was... unfortunatly we are in week 2 and he has reverted back to his old ways...i dont know if he is teething and its waking him up or its too cold, or what... but im going to stick with this method for a while longer and see if we cant get it to stick because last week was like heaven. i would go to sleep with a huge grin on my face... i get happy just thinking about it!!

 

Descanso*Bride

I second the Sleep Easy Solution.  It only took 1 night to get DS back to STTN.  He had been sick and teething and I got in the bad habit of nursing him at night, which led to waking up hungry 2x per night for a month.

GL!

jeffs_baker

We are very AP as well. We did NCSS and had pretty good luck with it. I stopped pushing it when we were comfortable with the progress we made, but just recently started doing more to get dd to put herself to sleep a little better, and am seeing results with that as well. NCSS is definitely baby steps and takes significant time to see results.

Around your ds's age, dd was sleeping like crap too. We really worked long and hard with NCSS, and it took months to see any significant progress. It took a lot of adjusting to dd's schedule and needs, and really paying attention to what she was telling us she needed for a nighttime routine. 

What worked the best for us was to start a 4-step routine before dd goes to sleep. Dinner in her highchair, reading, bath, nursing, crib. Dd ended up setting this order, we had it in a different one, but realized that the bath really stimulated her, so instead of that being last, nursing is (some babies are very calmed by the bath, dd is not). The routine took just over a month to start working, but then she started visibly getting herself ready for bed as it progressed. Each part of the routine takes anywhere from 5-20 minutes, depending on when dd is ready to move on. Except nursing... that can take up to 45 minutes before she is ready for the crib. We figured that there is no sense in moving on if she isn't ready to. Dd also bumped up the routine time to starting at 4:30 and sleeping by 5:30 instead of starting at 5:30 and sleeping around 6:30. I know it sounds early, but dd set the time herself and sleeps until 6:30am now!

We put dd to sleep in her crib for the first part of the night. The key for us in getting her down initially is for her to sleep on her tummy- it was the only way she would stay down. It started for around 45 minutes, but eventually got longer and longer (and sometimes took steps backwards). If dd woke in less than 2 hours, dh went in and rocked her back to sleep. She would cry, but if I knew she wasn't hungry (so no growth spurt or teething), she was just fine with dh. We don't consider crying with dh cio (I don't know if you do). She learned to be calmed by him too, which is important. She is still rarely calmed by me without nursing, so it was SO important for dh to be able to step in and help. We ended up stretching that time to closer to 3 hours, but I don't expect dd to go for longer than that without nursing until she is on much more solids (we're working on it...).

We actually didn't start co-sleeping until dd was 8 months, so we would just rotate going to her when it was needed, based on if she was hungry or not.  If she wasn't hungry, I didn't go to her, only dh did. She ended up sleeping up to 8 hours at a time about a month into this routine and following NCSS techniques!

When dd wakes up after we are in bed, we bring her to bed with us for the night. Sometimes she sleeps snuggled into dh, which also slows the wake-up times. I know the room doesn't look as good, but I sleep much better with the  bed pushed up to the wall. Dd sleeps between me and the wall or between me and dh. I barely slept until we pushed the bed up to the wall, and now I sleep much much better.

Sorry this got so long! Hopefully it offers you some new ideas. Let me know if you have any questions or need more encouragement!

Good luck

Breezy.Lives

DS used to sleep great and now is the most fitful sleeper!  It's awful!  He was waking me up, I was waking him up.

He hit all these milestones and his sleep went to hell.  It's getting better now.

My only suggestion - have you tried transitioning him just to him crib mattress?  We have our bed on the floor, and I nurse DS on his crib mattress, which is on the floor in the corner, right next our bed.  With the boxspring and mattress, our bed is quite a bit higher than his crib mattress.  We blocked it in with a night stand that we padded, so the whole thing is like a crib....that I can easily get into and nurse him in or that I can sort of roll him into and keep contact with him before I put him down.

 I also put him in there to play if he's just not going down to sleep.  Then when he gets upset I go to him.  However, a lot of times I wait to make sure he's actually upset.  Sometimes he's just making lots of noise, maybe fussing, but he's actually falling asleep.  If he actually cries, I go to him.  I once let him get to reeeeally crying THEN went to him....and he was awake for and hour after that.  It sucked.

PaxMama

Oh, wow.  Thank you, everyone.  I really appreciate all the suggestions and information, so don't worry about apologizing for long posts!  I hadn't ever considered the mattress on the floor -- that's an interesting idea and it would help me out since I can't get him into his crib without a step stool, ha.  DS is hitting a lot of milestones, too, so that could be a contributing factor.  Ie, he just started crawling today (aw, lol) and got another tooth a couple days ago.

Anyway, thanks again, ladies.  I am exhausted as are all of you, but I do feel recharged about trying something new.  Woohoo! 

Simonealisa

What worked for me is "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems" by Tracey Hogg.

 

Before I had a baby I thought attachment parenting was the way to go. After I became a mom I realized it wasn't working for me or my baby. I was firmly against the Ferberizing and crying it out though too, so I looked for something that was sort of a middle ground. I found that in The Baby Whisperer. My son would not sleep through the night at all until we implemented her methods when he was 10 months old (in desperation!)... within 4 days he was sleeping through the night, and has been a FANTASTIC sleeper and napper ever since. Turns out he was never a bad sleeper, he just needed some guidance! And we were able to accomplish it without co-sleeping and without letting him cry. You don't have to go to either extremes, there is a middle ground that I think can work very well. We never let him cry longer then one minute (I timed it) and would go in after every minute to lay him back down and make sure he was alright. After two or three nights of this he got the message and by the third night I only had to put him down twice. Now he is 2 years old, and after more then a year I can still say the Baby Whisperer methods work! I have ever confidence now with expecting baby #2, that I have the tools I need to ensure good sleep for the new baby (not to mention the rest of the family!! lol).