How far along are you?

How big is baby?

How are you feeling?

What's going on this week?

Rants/Raves/Questions

GTKY:  Are you doing anything holiday-related to celebrate the new baby?

Sunday night 11/27 I checked in for our overnight induction to get started on the cytotec suppositories and things went pretty standard. I got no sleep, which was no surprise considering the situation. I was 1cm when I was checked in and it took three goes with the cytotec to get me to 2.5 by the morning when the doctor came to break water. 

She came in and everyone was relieved when she could do it. This was my second over night to induce and it seemed like a nightmare that I might get sent home to do it again. She broke my water with a big woosh of fluid that DH and I were very impressed they managed to do without wetting my socks. 

I started experiencing some contractions and they started the pitocin to get things going. I already have a hard time explaining contractions because less than a week later my memory is still a bit foggy. I now can appreciate why a person would compare them to kidney stone pain. It's similar in a radiating wave of a cramp that sort of takes over everything. It wasn't the worst pain ever but it was exhausting and difficult. My thinking got to a point that was "I can do this, but if it gets worse than this, I just want to go ahead and have that epidural because I can stop hurting." They wanted me to get to a certain point before they would call for an epidural but I was struggling some though and so I opted to take an injection pain medication that promptly took me to another land. I wish I could remember the name of it. The only time I was aware of anything was when I was having a contraction. The rest of the time I was just sort of sedated. 

Then because my blood pressure was spiking they decided to add magnesium to the mix. Almost immediately after that they threw in the epidural. Soon after my BP just bottomed out. My vision went from normal to bad reception, no reception, to a bright green light like someone flashed a camera directly in my eyes. They kicked everyone out of the room and had to stabilize me. I obviously don't remember anything of this part, but the magnesium was quickly taken away. They joked that the epidural I'd been given might have been a little too good. I was just gone and sleeping. Spent pretty much the rest of the delivery with an oxygen mask.

After I was stabilized and free of magnesium, I continued to just be sedated and "epiduraled," pretty much laying there sleeping for hours. However, time passed, and they checked and checked again and I couldn't get past a 4cm dilation. At 37 weeks my body just wasn't ready. When my cervix started to swell my doctor called for a c-section because she was afraid of infection. Immediately I was prepped for a CS, and whisked away. I wasn't nervous or scared or even talking much because I was barely cognizant of the situation. Probably not the worst place to be. I didn't have a chance to be afraid or nervous. 

Anyway, CS goes down and there's a lot of OR commentary of the swelling of my cervix. When they pulled out Eaton, poor little buddy had a goose egg knot the size of a tennis ball on the side of his head from trying to make his way down. I can't be frustrated at my body or my baby for trying to make a vaginal birth happen, mutual effort and struggle to do so had occurred, I was just not ready to labor and had to because of the pre-e. 

Eaton, as many of you know, was born completely healthy at 6lbs 7 oz, 19.5 inches long at 4:48pm on 11/28. His lungs however were not completely developed and he's been spending some time in the NICU while they do. Honestly the most traumatizing thing that anyone has ever said to me is that I couldn't even touch my baby. It was a new kind of hard, but we've survived it. 

After several days of ups and downs with little change, and accepting things I had no choice but to accept, we came into the NICU this morning and were told he's turned a big corner. He's at 21% oxygen which is what we all breathe, and the nurses are saying they wouldn't be surprised if they take him completely off of the machine in the morning. Then it will just be getting him eating and breathing together adequately and we will likely have him home soon. 

The most amazing thing in the whole world? I got to hold my baby today. They put him in my arms and I just cried. He's perfect in every way. Everything we've been through has been worth it to get to that moment. My new favorite picture is now the one of DH holding Eaton in his arms. 

I got out of the hospital today. My blood pressure is still not going down so they put me on medication which I'm pretty sure gave me a migraine today. I go on Monday to have staples removed from my c-section so I will talk to the doctor about it if it continues to make me miserable. I'm also having some anxiety issues, particularly about not having my baby with me and until this morning not being able to touch him much or hold him. I woke up at 4am last night just sobbing about not being pregnant and wanting him back inside me. DH was there in the hospital room with me and woke up and got me calmed down, but it was a hard moment. I've been getting a few of those this week. Everyone assures me they're normal and that it's expected considering, but I still mentioned it to my doctor and she has written me a prescription for some xanax as needed to help me out. I haven't cried much today because baby is doing so much better and things are looking so much less unsure. I'm praying it stays that way. 

I'm happily home tonight and so glad to be snuggled up with my puppies in the recliner and not struggling to get comfortable in a hospital bed. Life is in a state of limbo and new normalcy and so home feels weird but it's a good weird. This is where I want to be. The only thing that could make this better will obviously the day I get to bring my baby home too. 

Thank you to everyone who has kept us in your prayers and thoughts. Those are coveted and so so appreciated. You guys are an amazing support system and I'm so thankful for the friends I've made here. I'm loving all the baby pictures and birth stories too. Every day it gets easier to be back here and reading again. It was hard for a while, but it's getting a lot better especially now that the boy is doing okay.