Hi Everyone!
I have a dilemma!!! I only want my husband in the delivery room, but my mother has other plans.
Here's a little background:
When I had my son 4 years ago I had the same plan, but when my hubby posted to FB we where at the hospital my mother showed up unannounced. I had already told her weeks before it was just going to be me & my husband for this special moment, but when the time came she acted like the conversation never happened. To make things worse she completely ruined the experience for me. 1) She talked about herself and her birth experiences the entire time. 2) When the contractions got really bad I lashed out at her for smothering me. To this day I will never live down how I was "such a bitch" to her when I was giving birth. 3) My husband was so uncomfortable. He felt like he could relax. And finally 4) as soon as I pushed the baby out she was gone because she was so exhausted from being in the hospital all day. She barely held the baby and didn't even say goodbye to me.
My relationship with my mother is very strained. We're not close and never really have been. So this is where I need help. How do I tell her I don't want her in the delivery room and mean it this time? She's already trying to guilt trip me into having the baby wear the outfit she picked to go home in. I don't know what to do!
Re: Delivery room problem
I feel like I'm screwed no matter how I handle the situation.
Don't post it on Facebook or tell anyone. Just go have the baby then makes your calls.
We chose not to tell anyone I was in labour. I even lied to people who asked so that we could have the birth we wanted. I chose to call my mom and sisters after I laboured and knew birth was soon. Told them all that the nurses had been instructed to NOT let anyone in. So there was no point in coming they would be wasting their time if they tried to come.
This time I live 2000 Kms from my family and my mom said she was going to come stay with us to help with DS. Then said on the condition she be at the birth. I had to tell her that she was not going to be in the birth. She's pissed not coming at all and won't talk to me, but just like your mom my mom would cause issues during birth and I can't trust her to have me in mind during this time.
Stand strong and know once baby is here she will stop her petty crap.
You and DH are adults, just be honest with her about it and stick to your guns. And like PP have said make sure the nurses know about the situation and have them help kick her out if needed. they'll be happy to play the bad guys. I'm sure it happens all the time.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
Good luck!
My mom also did the whole showing up randomly thing. It made me so mad. I was induced and she knew I didn't want her in there (she was a little offended, but I explained to her that it was something DH and I had to do as a family). I was mostly worried about lashing out at her like you did (I would have been awful, I'm sure). She came wandering into the delivery room and DH and I just kind of looked at each other. I was only having mild contractions at the time, so I let her stay, but as soon as contractions started really hitting me, DH told her it was time to go. She wasn't happy about it, but she did comply. If your SO doesn't want to say anything, have the nurses do it. I had several of them tell me that they don't mind at all.
She did make a point to tell me how tired she was from being in the room all night and how exhausted my husband was, too. She said "I don't know if you realize, but he's been right there with you in the room the entire time." Really. I hadn't noticed the father of my child holding my hand and rubbing my back and being the only thing I could focus on for 28 hours.
I love my mom, but she is so frustrating sometimes. I just wonder if I will end up being like her towards my kids...
[-XHopefully with the help of the hospital staff and your husband you can have the l&d that you want and deserve.
Good luck!!
Baby #2 is due
August 26, 2015