September 2015 Moms
urfcerin
member
Devastated at gender
urfcerin
member
We just found out baby #3 is a boy - my third. Of course we're thrilled that it is healthy, that is most important. But I can honestly say that I'm devastated. I didn't realize how much I wanted a girl until I learned I wasn't having one. I love having boys, and I adore my sons, but I'm grieving the girl I'll never have. I feel incredibly selfish saying that since we are blessed to be having another child. Part of me was sure that this was a girl because my symptoms were so different than my first two pregnancies. I know I will feel fine in time, and the health is most important, but I just want to cry. 
Re: Devastated at gender
I pray to God everyday for the blessing of a baby boy. My husband is an outdoorsman, and my only wish for him is a son to share his time with. Being a tomgirl myself I know how my dad know feels to have his own son through my husband.
Hope you feel better soon. Xo
Many hugs and good luck to you!
I view these disappointment posts as the same. Dreaming and hoping you have a girl or boy, and being disappointed at the opposite doesn't mean you are ungrateful to be a mom.
Give me a break! It's alright for someone to feel devastated and work through that feeling. Better to work through it than let it consume you.
Anyway...these feelings will pass. In time you will slowly be able to let go of all the future hopes and dreams of a daughter. Many people feel the EXACT same way and are not brave enough to say anything. Gender disappointment is a REAL thing. Your emotions are valid, and real, and that is OKAY!
My great grandma always wanted boy but got all girls. She named to first two Bill and Butch. Please, pleeese don't punish your kid like that
As my sister says to DD1, "feel all your feels."
Consider the fact that no matter what people have they are going to be "missing out" on something. Those that have one boy and one girl will never know what it's like to raise brothers or sisters (those bonds are special!). Even if you had a girl, that girl won't know what it's like to have a sister. Unless you're having 4+ (and those 4 are 2 boys and 2 girls), we're all missing out on something. Embrace what you DO have.
I'm on #3 (I have 2 boys now, find out sex of #3 tomorrow) as well, and not to belittle your feelings by any means, I would be thrilled with another boy. I grew up with 2 sisters and I thought our bond of all being the same sex was really special. We had each other to talk about "girl" things. I think if I had another boy, my kids would hopefully have that special connection too, but obviously with the opposite sex. That's not to say I would be disappointed if this were a girl - switching it up too would be pretty great as well.
Just think about all the benefits of having 3 boys and how really special that is in and of itself. I think sometimes society has this weird idea what we all have to have at least one boy and one girl to be happy.
I don't think the OP was likening her initial disappointment in gender to a loss of a child, but rather the loss of the idea/dream.
All of us have ideas on what we're expecting, subconsciously or not. And when things don't go as hoped it's ok to feel bad and then, as the OP is doing, pull on the big girl panties and deal.
The feelings she has are feelings I feared, even though I knew I was blessed to be expecting so quickly after our loss. We have 2 girls. I feared a boy. The unknown, etc. and I worried how I'd react if it was. Well, it is and all I felt was joy that he's healthy, but I knew it(my feelings) could go another way and as such i try to be mindful of other people's feelings on the matter.
I think the people who are making negative comments probably have some bottled up emotions of their own. Maybe not about their baby's gender, but about things that they think it's "not okay" to feel bad about and feel they HAVE to comment on this because it strikes a nerve. Just my opinion.
Sorry I have no empathy for your disappointment in how your child will pee.
Devastation is an emotion best reserved for loss moms (like myself), people who are struggling with infertility and have to hear IVF has yet again been unsuccessful and parents who learn their baby will be born with a debilitating disease.
Congrats on your healthy baby boy.
But I also know a mom who is devastated that even though she has 4 healthy children, she can't have any more and one who is sad she keeps having girls because her singular little boy REALLY wants a brother. Those emotions are real too and I don't know that I would feel differently in those situations.
I do have compassion... For those I mentioned in my post.