I was married at 21 and had my son at 23. Age is often just a number. What really matters is how you and your husband feel. It doesn't seem like your husband is quite ready yet and that can lead to feelings of resentment later on. I do wish that I had traveled more before I started my family. I can see his point about enjoying each other and having fun a little bit longer. Love on your friends babies and wait for your husband to come around!
My dad told me (after my hubby and I had been married about 6 months) you're never really going to be ready to start a family, so don't worry about it too much. Once you've made the decision, or the decision has made itself, you just kind of roll with the punches, and that's kind of how life is too I think. Sometimes we just have to take it day by day and have faith that it will work out with a little hard work and a lot of love.
22 is not what I would consider "very young". Just from society's standpoint, that's considered an acceptable age for a woman (especially a married woman) to begin thinking about and starting a family.
Hi! I got married at 20, now I'm 24 and six months pregnant. Only you know when it is right for you. My in-laws were certain that DH and I would not be married this long, but here we are, happier than ever and they are getting their first grandchild.
I've known a lot of people who had babies much younger than 24, and with a lot less financial stability.
My point is, everyone is different and you should do what you feel is best.
A year and a half ago, when I started feeling baby fever, I talked to DH about it and we decided to wait six months and then if we still felt ready, we'd go for it.
Lurker from TTGP. I wouldn't say you're "too young" for TTC. Although I guess it is really just a personal opinion. I am 20, will be 21 in march/SO is 29, and I am TTC (call me crazy but we are ready so that's all that matters) But I agree with others on if your H isn't ready yet I wouldn't push it. Or talk to him about it more because it can take up to a year, maybe longer, to actually conceive. And I read on the newbie blog that the younger you are the more likely it is to conceive, After I Wanna Say 20 your chances of conception decrease, so as long as you feel you're ready go for it. If I am wrong please someone correct me on what I've read in the newbie blog. Good luck!
Your fertility does not decrease significantly until your mid 30's...
I got married at 19, DH 20 at the time. We are now 23 and 24 and married almost 4 years. We will start trying after our 4th anniversary. We would have earlier but our finances wouldn't have allowed me to work only part time and still buy a house etc early.
My fiancé and I did things completely backwards. After only dating three months we got pregnant with our first, not by choice, all though we were not using any contraceptive. Anyways, believe it or not we had talked many times in that first few months about having children. At the time I was 21, and he was 23. He said he would like to have kids by 25, but we didn't put the pressure on to have kids, we just let it happen.
Four years later, we are expecting baby number two in five short weeks and could not be happier.
We have had to struggle a little, but if anything having our fist child, got our priorities straight. There are times when we wish we had "us" time, but that's what babysitters and date nights are for!
We wanted to have children young so we could enjoy their childhood with them. And when they are ready to be out of the house, we will be young enough to enjoy adulthood still!
Our society looks down on wanting to start families young. When the reality is that is exactly what we are suppose to do. There will never be enough time, money, ect. You do however need to get your husband on board I would't do anything without him. You both need to be on the same page. This is a great article I read about starting a family young vs waiting. I think 24 and 2 years of marriage is normal not to mention it could take a year for a normal healthy couple to get pregnant.
While I am not against having children young, I don't think it's right to say it's what "we are supposed to do." From a biological standpoint, perhaps, but that's a pretty primitive approach. And there are a lot of reasons why some people shouldn't be young parents.
What you should do is have children when you and your partner are ready to have children.
I will also add, that is a really odd, poorly written blog post (wouldn't call it an article). It's a biased perspective and provides no evidence for it's outlandish claims. It says more people are immature these days and that it is probably linked to people waiting to get married/have children (according to what study). It also assumes that you don't "grow up" until you get married and have children. Well, that's just plain stupid. It's a terrible assumption to think that if you do those things you will automatically "grow up" and become mature. Instead, people should be mature and be grown, responsible adults before they engage in either endeavor. That happens for people at different ages and stages. That blog gave really poor advice, sorry.
Our society looks down on wanting to start families young. When the reality is that is exactly what we are suppose to do. There will never be enough time, money, ect. You do however need to get your husband on board I would't do anything without him. You both need to be on the same page. This is a great article I read about starting a family young vs waiting. I think 24 and 2 years of marriage is normal not to mention it could take a year for a normal healthy couple to get pregnant.
While I am not against having children young, I don't think it's right to say it's what "we are supposed to do." From a biological standpoint, perhaps, but that's a pretty primitive approach. And there are a lot of reasons why some people shouldn't be young parents.
What you should do is have children when you and your partner are ready to have children.
I will also add, that is a really odd, poorly written blog post (wouldn't call it an article). It's a biased perspective and provides no evidence for it's outlandish claims. It says more people are immature these days and that it is probably linked to people waiting to get married/have children (according to what study). It also assumes that you don't "grow up" until you get married and have children. Well, that's just plain stupid. It's a terrible assumption to think that if you do those things you will automatically "grow up" and become mature. Instead, people should be mature and be grown, responsible adults before they engage in either endeavor. That happens for people at different ages and stages. That blog gave really poor advice, sorry.
I say young as in 22-26 years old the average Americans are waiting well into their 30's to have children today. It is becoming less common to see couples in their 20's with children as the blog states and that is based in real studies. We have the lowest birth rate we have every had in years due to people waiting longer and longer to have children. Young adults are less mature than they use to be because another study also shows that we have more young adults living at home with their parents today than we have ever had in history. Young adults especially young men are not moving out and starting families like they use to and it is obvious in our culture. With getting married and having a family their is a different level of commitment and maturity that comes with that you don't need a study to now that it is common sense. Our society looks down on having families in your 20's and all I was saying is there are benefits to not waiting until you are in your 30's.
@911Diva What studies are you citing (peer reviewed) that the reason is because people are less mature? Many young adults also live at home because the economy is crappy and jobs are hard to come by. Young people also delay starting families and buying homes because they are buried in student debt and don't have stable incomes. Times have changed. Yes, many people do wait longer to have children. But I don't think it's mainly because of immaturity. That is an incredibly narrow sighted perspective.
Women have far more options than they ever had in the past regarding education and careers. I am sure that has something to do with the decision too. More people are obtaining higher degrees, which delays when you get a career and when you are stable enough for marriage and kids. There are so many other factors than simply "maturity."
Also, do not assume that just because you decide to have a child means you are mature. I know plenty of poorly prepared, immature young parents. Getting married is a form of commitment, but it also does not guarantee that someone will be more committed, more mature or more faithful. That is entirely dependent on the individual and their personal growth.
Yes, there are benefits to having children young, if that is what someone decides to do. But there are also benefits to waiting until later. Biology does become a factor once you are in your late 30's, but in your early and in mid-30's, women are still capable of successfully conceiving a healthy child. If that is her decision, so be it. If someone wants to have a child young and is truly prepared, then so be it.
But don't come on here saying "it's what we are supposed to do."
ETA: Average american woman gives birth to her first child at 25. Yes there are women who wait longer, but check your facts first.
Here are two credible sources, as opposed to a biased blog with a clear agenda...
Everyone I know has told me "you'll never have enough time, money, knowledge etc. to really be prepared for parenting" but I do think both potential parents should feel that they are in a good place before TTC. I met my husband when I was 19, we've been living together since I was 21 and we were married when I turned 25, which is really young where I live (NYC area)--most of our friends and acquaintances are years away from marriage and kids (according to them). I'm now 27 and ready to give birth to our first any second. However, DH and I had many years of togetherness--living apart, living together and even living with/caring for my two little brothers for two years--and many years of accomplishing our own personal goals--he earned an MS and DC and started a practice and I earned 2 MAs and became a teacher, before we got married and decided to have a child, and my husband was realllllly iffy even after I told him I was pregnant. It wasn't until I actually started to show and we went to our first ultrasound that it became real for him and he got excited. I know that this is not the norm for most couples, but I have always pushed DH to reevaluate his priorities and think about the bigger picture--he can be a very shortsighted person whose first concern was always "Will this interfere with my ability to buy/play with toys/electronics/videogames/cars or go out with my friends all the time?" for the first few years we were together, and it took a lot of work and compromise to get to a point where he instead considers "Does this meet my financial/career/relationship/life goals?" instead (he's almost 30 and I'd say he's really only affected this change in the past year and a half). We are in a good place in our relationship, our finances are the best they can be (we do have school loans but no other debt; we live very comfortably), and are exactly where we want to be in our careers.
All this to say, you need to continue to talk to your husband about why he doesn't feel ready--if his concerns are deep and you recognize that they could be detrimental to your child, your relationship and/or your future--like, if he says, "We're still not making enough money to save significantly for a baby this year," or "I feel like I really can't concentrate on a pregnancy and a child until after I get this promotion/pay this debt/complete this project," those are things you may really have to understand and accept, especially if you can establish a timeline for when you'll both be ready. If, however, it's a selfish concern like that he doesn't want to stop spending ten hours a week on his fantasy football league/he'd rather buy a new sound system for his car/he thinks he's going on an all-summer-long road trip with his buddies, then it merits further discussion and you really need to speak up so that you don't end up resenting him for putting off your wants and goals in favor of superficial things. Only you know if your husband's feelings are a well-considered refusal or a knee-jerk, unconsidered response, and only you know if you guys are really ready to have a baby at 24--but you should know that your desires are no more or less important and valid than his, especially when it comes to something as serious and bringing a new life into the world.
Our society looks down on wanting to start families young. When the reality is that is exactly what we are suppose to do. There will never be enough time, money, ect. You do however need to get your husband on board I would't do anything without him. You both need to be on the same page. This is a great article I read about starting a family young vs waiting. I think 24 and 2 years of marriage is normal not to mention it could take a year for a normal healthy couple to get pregnant.
While I am not against having children young, I don't think it's right to say it's what "we are supposed to do." From a biological standpoint, perhaps, but that's a pretty primitive approach. And there are a lot of reasons why some people shouldn't be young parents.
What you should do is have children when you and your partner are ready to have children.
I will also add, that is a really odd, poorly written blog post (wouldn't call it an article). It's a biased perspective and provides no evidence for it's outlandish claims. It says more people are immature these days and that it is probably linked to people waiting to get married/have children (according to what study). It also assumes that you don't "grow up" until you get married and have children. Well, that's just plain stupid. It's a terrible assumption to think that if you do those things you will automatically "grow up" and become mature. Instead, people should be mature and be grown, responsible adults before they engage in either endeavor. That happens for people at different ages and stages. That blog gave really poor advice, sorry.
I say young as in 22-26 years old the average Americans are waiting well into their 30's to have children today. It is becoming less common to see couples in their 20's with children as the blog states and that is based in real studies. We have the lowest birth rate we have every had in years due to people waiting longer and longer to have children. Young adults are less mature than they use to be because another study also shows that we have more young adults living at home with their parents today than we have ever had in history. Young adults especially young men are not moving out and starting families like they use to and it is obvious in our culture. With getting married and having a family their is a different level of commitment and maturity that comes with that you don't need a study to now that it is common sense. Our society looks down on having families in your 20's and all I was saying is there are benefits to not waiting until you are in your 30's.
@911Diva What studies are you citing (peer reviewed) that the reason is because people are less mature? Many young adults also live at home because the economy is crappy and jobs are hard to come by. Young people also delay starting families and buying homes because they are buried in student debt and don't have stable incomes. Times have changed. Yes, many people do wait longer to have children. But I don't think it's mainly because of immaturity. That is an incredibly narrow sighted perspective.
Women have far more options than they ever had in the past regarding education and careers. I am sure that has something to do with the decision too. More people are obtaining higher degrees, which delays when you get a career and when you are stable enough for marriage and kids. There are so many other factors than simply "maturity."
Also, do not assume that just because you decide to have a child means you are mature. I know plenty of poorly prepared, immature young parents. Getting married is a form of commitment, but it also does not guarantee that someone will be more committed, more mature or more faithful. That is entirely dependent on the individual and their personal growth.
Yes, there are benefits to having children young, if that is what someone decides to do. But there are also benefits to waiting until later. Biology does become a factor once you are in your late 30's, but in your early and in mid-30's, women are still capable of successfully conceiving a healthy child. If that is her decision, so be it. If someone wants to have a child young and is truly prepared, then so be it.
But don't come on here saying "it's what we are supposed to do."
ETA: Average american woman gives birth to her first child at 25. Yes there are women who wait longer, but check your facts first.
Here are two credible sources, as opposed to a biased blog with a clear agenda...
I got married at 24 and was told we were really young (my parents and aunts that were saying this got married at 21 or 22). My DH and I agreed that we wanted to enjoy married life and have it be just us for a while. We waited until we were 4 years in before we started TTC, and honestly, I had baby fever so many times it wasn't even funny. But we enjoyed our freedom and wanted to wait until we both felt we were ready. Ride out the baby fever, unless both you and your DH agree it is time.
Nobody here can tell you when its the perfect age to get pregnant. There are no magical formulas lol, just when you and your husband feel its the right time. That being said, I will share my experience and you can draw from it whatever you want .
I met my husband when I was 21 going on 22 and he is a year older than I. We have been together for over 6 years. I got engaged at 26, and married at 27. I am now 28 years old, he 29 and we have just now conceived our first child together. For us, we definitely wanted to wait until we really enjoyed each other not just as boyfriend and girlfriend, but as husband and wife as well. I have finished most of my life accomplishments. In my mind you will NEVER be 100% complete in your life goals because something new is ALWAYS going to pop up. But the point I am trying to make is definitely enjoy each other as well! We knocked a lot of our traveling out before having kids and also set up a CD and added our money to it which should mature around the time I am 4 or 5 months pregnant.
But whatever your decision, make sure it is one that you and your husband both agree to. I know baby fever can be difficult to deal with, but good things can come to those who wait. How long you wait is up to you!
I'm sure it's different for each person, but I'll share this - I've been married a hair over 5 months. My husband is 25 and I'm 19. We just found out a few days ago we're expecting our first! We weren't actually planning on having kids for at least a year after we got married (my personal preference - hubby has had baby fever since we got married ). I think it's nice to have time to yourself for a little while after getting married - but honestly? I think while you're still young is the best time to have kids. I think you should both at least be 90% on board with the idea, but if you're really wanting a little one, talk with your husband about it! I know some couples who waited almost a decade before they had kids, choosing to focus on their careers or other things. Some of them it worked out for - others said they really didn't enjoy the emptiness they felt not having children for that long.
I'm sure it's different for each person, but I'll share this - I've been married a hair over 5 months. My husband is 25 and I'm 19. We just found out a few days ago we're expecting our first! We weren't actually planning on having kids for at least a year after we got married (my personal preference - hubby has had baby fever since we got married ). I think it's nice to have time to yourself for a little while after getting married - but honestly? I think while you're still young is the best time to have kids. I think you should both at least be 90% on board with the idea, but if you're really wanting a little one, talk with your husband about it! I know some couples who waited almost a decade before they had kids, choosing to focus on their careers or other things. Some of them it worked out for - others said they really didn't enjoy the emptiness they felt not having children for that long.
Eek...sorry, going to have to say I have heard far more people say they wish they had waited a little longer to have kids, rather than spending some time establishing themselves.
I haven't heard too many people say they had an empty void for years (unless they struggled with fertility, which is a different situation).
My dh (23) and I (22) were married at the beginning of the year and have just decided a few weeks ago to TTC. We have been talking about when we want children and now seems like this is the right time. We live in a small apartment, make good money (in a few years his salary will significantly increase (60%+), (in 8yrs his salary will more than double). We are young, healthy, have a good savings built up (saving for a house), great benefits, great maternity pay and are really happy! We've also done a little traveling, but we plan to do a lot more in the next few years.
The way we look at it is that if we have children now at this young age, by the time our kids are moving out of the house, that will be when we financially are really doing well (seniority with dh's job means he can retire at 50), still relatively young when our kids are moving out (40), and full of energy. If we wait 5-10 years to start our family, we will be a lot older when our kids are finally moving out and might not be in as great health or be able to travel as much.
I think your dh needs to be on the same page with you though in wanting to start a family. Talk to him about how you're feeling, weigh the pros and cons, be honest and let your voice be heard and valued as well! My husband and I first decided next spring to start ttc. Once we set a time, it became more realistic to start seeing ourselves growing our family and making a baby. Then a few months ago we decided now seems good too!
I have some input I suppose!! My husband and I got engaged at 19 and 21, we got married two years later so here I am now turning 23, and he's turning 25 and were ready for a baby! We were talking about having kids since the say we met so it's something we've always had on our minds. My husband can't see a baby without feeling the need to goof around and talk about all the cute little baby clothes and toys. haha! it's the best. I don't think the internet is going to give you the right answer for what you and your DH want to do, but follow your heart and definitely enjoy and love each other until the time is right for both of you. Totally recommend getting a puppy btw, we adopted and couldn't be happier!
This is such a personal decision. My DH and I started dating at 15, we got married at 19, bought our first house at 20 and had our first child at 23. People thought we were crazy when we got engaged, they thought we were crazier when we got married, and thought we were making a huge mistake when we decided to have our son. And yes we DECIDED to have our son, he was not an oops! He was a carefully thought out and conscious decision between both of us because we were ready to start a family. Just keep in mind that BOTH of you have to be on board otherwise there could end up being resentment on one side or another. I think that age is just a number. It sounds like you're ready but DH isn't so just try to be patient and let him catch up!
This is 2015 now so I'm a little late. DH and I are ready to TTC this year so I'm back browsing the boards. DH and I have been together since I was 14. We married when I was 21 (exactly one week after I graduated). I always told myself I'd probably be ready for a child when I turned 25. The January after I turned 25 we decided that was the year to TTC. I was 26 by the time DS was born. You are ready when it happens. I was still anxious even as I was pregnant, but as soon as we saw our little bean's heartbeat we were ready.
Married 05.19.07 | Together since 03.11.00 | Dom Born 02.06.12
I know exactly how you feel. I'll be 26 this year and my H and I have been married for going on 3 years. Baby fever has set in!! My son is 6 and will be 7 in July. I don't want to wait much longer because I don't want there to be too much more of an age gap between my kids. I had an IUD for 5 years and had it removed because it was just getting too uncomfortable. The hub isn't quite ready for another just yet, so I'm trying my best to patiently wait until he is. This is a very personal decision and communication is key, just like all the PP's said.
Good luck and have lots of fun trying when he's ready
Re: Too early/young for Baby fever?
My fiancé and I did things completely backwards. After only dating three months we got pregnant with our first, not by choice, all though we were not using any contraceptive. Anyways, believe it or not we had talked many times in that first few months about having children. At the time I was 21, and he was 23. He said he would like to have kids by 25, but we didn't put the pressure on to have kids, we just let it happen.
Four years later, we are expecting baby number two in five short weeks and could not be happier.
We have had to struggle a little, but if anything having our fist child, got our priorities straight. There are times when we wish we had "us" time, but that's what babysitters and date nights are for!
We wanted to have children young so we could enjoy their childhood with them. And when they are ready to be out of the house, we will be young enough to enjoy adulthood still!
Nobody here can tell you when its the perfect age to get pregnant. There are no magical formulas lol, just when you and your husband feel its the right time. That being said, I will share my experience and you can draw from it whatever you want
.
I met my husband when I was 21 going on 22 and he is a year older than I. We have been together for over 6 years. I got engaged at 26, and married at 27. I am now 28 years old, he 29 and we have just now conceived our first child together. For us, we definitely wanted to wait until we really enjoyed each other not just as boyfriend and girlfriend, but as husband and wife as well. I have finished most of my life accomplishments. In my mind you will NEVER be 100% complete in your life goals because something new is ALWAYS going to pop up. But the point I am trying to make is definitely enjoy each other as well! We knocked a lot of our traveling out before having kids and also set up a CD and added our money to it which should mature around the time I am 4 or 5 months pregnant.
But whatever your decision, make sure it is one that you and your husband both agree to. I know baby fever can be difficult to deal with, but good things can come to those who wait. How long you wait is up to you!
DH and I have been together since I was 14. We married when I was 21 (exactly one week after I graduated). I always told myself I'd probably be ready for a child when I turned 25. The January after I turned 25 we decided that was the year to TTC. I was 26 by the time DS was born. You are ready when it happens. I was still anxious even as I was pregnant, but as soon as we saw our little bean's heartbeat we were ready.