Family Member Pregnant

Ashley8761 · October 2014

I'M NOT TRYING TO JUDGE OR OFFEND ANYONE PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT THAT WAY.

Ladies how do you handle when you find out that a family member who did not plan a pregnancy is now pregnant? This is the third family member who is now pregnant since we starting trying. I am not saying that they are not entitled to have a baby, it is just hard since we are planning and have been trying and still not pregnant.

I want to be happy for them but I am having a hard time today with the most recent announcement.

ramaholic · October 2014

I understand that them having a baby, whether planned or not, does not mean that I cannot have a baby. I also really like the idea of having a new niece/nephew/cousin/whatever.

If you need to take some distance for yourself, that's fine, but make sure you're responsible for your own feelings and actions. Their journey, announcements, and anything else aren't there to hurt you.

thewickedfairy · October 2014

I completely understand what you're feeling. Just remember that others fertility has no bearing on yours.

TRP85 · October 2014

Try and be happy for them and enjoy your new family little member. Also, like @bibliothecary said: wine.

Wine&Cupcakes · October 2014

I agree with the wine suggestion. It sucks but it is what it is.

I'm not WKing either but maybe OP sees it as even more frustrating if someone who is pregnant wasn't "trying" yet she's trying and it hasn't happened yet?

PrimRoseMama · October 2014

These announcements don't bother me. :-??

ChocoChipPancakes · October 2014

I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this. I completely understand and have had similar issues!

Try to remember they are excited (and rightfully so) and they are not doing or saying anything to intentionally hurt or upset you. If they are on Facebook it might help to unfollow their status updates for now.

ShellyR · October 2014

I've been where you are and it doesn't feel good to be upset about somebody else's joy. As others have said, their fertility has no bearing on your own. Feel free to join the TWW and WTO daily threads on this board to get to know other folks here during your TTC journey.

LuluRM · October 2014

I always remind myself that there is not a finite number of babies in the world, they are not having MY baby. And as pps mentioned, their fertility has no bearing on mine.

dmsmth · October 2014

LongLiveTheEvilQueen said:

Congratulate the couple, muster up genuine happiness for them and then buy some comfort food. Eat it while watching a cheesy movie. My favorite for bad days is You Got Mail.

pretty much this. except I am more of a comedy type person

MsFaith15 · October 2014

I have felt similar and I think it's normal. Just try not to let the crazy out.

GypsySoul1112 · October 2014

I have definitely felt like this before, but with people at work. There are not too many people in my family having babies right now, or close to it. I am happy for them regardless, but after I have said my congrats I usually try to stay out of the conversation from that point on. I remind myself that I don't know everything about their circumstances or TTC journey, and that everyone's is different. Keep your head up.

nath1120 · January 2015

I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I have been trying for a baby and i'm a crazy impatient person haha and my sister in law just had a baby who is now 11 months old and just announced she's pregnant again. I love my nephew and will love my niece just as much but it is really difficult to be super happy and jump for joy when you're trying so hard for a little one too and it just won't happen.

I feel you completely.

Scatterbug · January 2015

emilie818 said:
In your head

In your heeeeeeayyyyed

Zombie!

Zombie!

Zombayyy ay ay ay

I love the Breed77 cover of this!

kmaty13 · January 2015

emilie818 said:

In your head In your heeeeeeayyyyed Zombie! Zombie! Zombayyy ay ay ay

Aaand now I have this song in my head.

pambeeslyhalpert · January 2015

LindsRockies said:
I'm failing to see how the pregnancy being unplanned factors into this.

This actually just happened to me during the holidays, and the fact that I knew my SIL got pregnant without even trying made it even more painful. I think it's because it made me feel that I had been temping and charting and doing everything right so I "deserved" it more than her.
I know it sounds selfish, but it's how I felt as soon as I found out.

I've now had some time to think about everything and have come to realize that I'm truly happy for her, but at first it wasn't easy to deal with the news.

@Ashley8761 the way I see it, it's okay to be sad and hurt for a bit. Take some time to be with yourself and realize that you really are happy for them, and you need to continue in your journey, which is completely separate from theirs.

FJM85 · January 2015

You are allowed to feel sad for yourself, but please don't steal other people's joy!

I learned this the hard way recently. I had a loss at 5 weeks in December. My SIL is 31 weeks now. I withdrew a bit, as being around her was really painful. I didn't realise exactly how much I hurt her by suddenly not being around, especially as she was just supportive and caring during my loss.

Yesterday she sent me photos of her 3D ultrasound. While I am honestly happy and excited for her, I couldn't help but cry a few tears for myself when I received the photos. But when I am around her, I make an effort to take an interest in her and her pregnancy.

Just distinguish between your own sadness, and happiness for them. Their being pregnant takes nothing away from you.

Take care.

Family Member Pregnant

Re: Family Member Pregnant

DX (me): Inborn error of metabolism - protein restriction, metabolic formula & weekly blood tests

DNA Results (7/1): DH is NOT a carrier for my genetic disorder!

7/3: Metabolic clinic gave the green light to TTC - holy crap!

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