I see this often. I see questions posted on PGAL about it ALL the time. I just lived through it, and I know how much it sucks to be on the receiving end of this type of announcement.
I know that this is a little unorthodox on TTCAL but I was thinking it might be appropriate to compile some responses from us. Those of us who are still here on TTCAL. Admittedly I went to PGAL to read the responses to something like this and although generally the responses were thoughtful I'm a little shocked and hurt that some people still think it's appropriate to tell people this type of news in person. Maybe I'm totally off base, maybe I have a hard time because of what's recently happened to me.. I don't know.
What are your opinions? My plan to to eventually rename the thread and then post a link to it when I see the question come up on PGAL or TTGP or any other board.
Re: TTCAL GTKNY People telling you they are pregnant.
DH: 45
BFP #1 3/19/14 EDD 11/29/14 MMC D&C 4/24/14
BFP #2 12/4/14 Beta #1 218 at 12dpo Beta #2 1055 at 16dpo
Saw heartbeat 12/29. Please be a rainbow.
All welcome
PCOS, EDS III, low progesterone. Six early losses (5-8 weeks,) 1 twin loss. Surprise natural BFP 2014-12-17 Ectopic dx and MTX 2015-01-02.
W born September 2020
#3 due November 2022
PgAL welcome
Married 6/11/2011
Me & Hubby: 34
TTC journey started 12/2012
BFP #1 6/5/2013, MC confirmed 6/26/2013 @ 7 wks
BFP#2 8/25/2013 MC confirmed 10/16/2013 @ 12 wks (D&C 10/18)
Diagnosis: unexplained RPL, unexplained IF.
Also have hypothyroidism
Started TTC again 12/2013
IUI#1:Clomid CD 3-7, Trigger'ed CD 12. IUI CD 14. BFN
IUI #2:Letrozole CD 3 - 7, Follistim CD 9, Trigger CD 10, IUI CD12. BFN
Current plan: IVF with PGD. Antagonist - Vivelle Protocal. Stim start 12/1. ER 12/14.
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/502498
me = 32 DH = 33
TFAS
BFP2 august 2014 ended in m/c .... Gone but not forgotten....forever in my heart!Slight MFI low count, morph, mobility
But I also want to add: if you know I found out via Facebook/someone else/whatever - when you see me acknowledge the fucking elephant in the room and say "I'm sorry for your loss." no more than that is needed. But it hurts worse when you avoid me like I'm fucking contagious. It makes it feel like everyone is talking about me behind my back and I become nothing more than the "one who lost her baby" and it seems like more of a gossip peice than you actually caring about my feelings.
For what it's worth, I would not want a text or email because odds are I would get it in a public place. Unless the person stalks you, there's a good chance you won't be sitting at home ready to be blindsided by a pg announcement coming through your phone. The way I woud prefer is someone notifying my husband so he could inform me at the right time and place.
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
Me: 42, DH: 46, Married: 11/12
Losses: MMC#1 11/12 BO, MC#2 11/13 at 8w BO?, MMC#3 8/14 chromo healthy M @12 weeks, stopped growing at 10.
Negligible AMH, FSH finally went high. Pursued DE.
DD born at 38w2d on 5-27-16. Finally!!
Pregnant again with OE. EDD 11/9/17 Girl!
On the other hand, I had a friend do as she was told and email me with the news. Unfortunatly, I read the email at not the best of times and it really put a damper on the mood of a mini weekend vacation MH and I were on. There is no "good" way.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
TTC #1 since June 2012
Current Status: IVF with ICSI and PGS
Genetic, RPL, SA and Fertility testing = Normal/Good HSG = All Clear
BFP #1 12.30.2012 || Blighted Ovum 02.05.2013 || D&C 02.11.2013
BFP #2 09.10.2013 || c/p 09.12.2013
BFP #3 12.1.2013 || mm/c 01.15.14 || D&C 01.21.14 chromosome abnormality
May 2014: Residual HCG and retained tissue found
05.13.2014: Hysteroscopy D&C to find and remove retained tissue
June 2014: Tissue sample results indicate a partial molar pregnancy
May - Aug 2014: TTA for monitoring and testing
08.21.2014: Hysteroscopy to remove minor scar tissue - the result of 3 D&Cs
Sept/Oct: IUI #1 Femara + Bravelle + Ovidrel = BFN
Oct/Nov: IUI #2 Femara + Ovidrel = BFN
Nov/Dec: IUI #3 Femara + Bravelle + Ovidrel = BFN
My Ovulation Chart || *~*~All AL Welcome~*~* || DIY Blog
08/2011: Clomid 50mg, IUI --> BFN ,
10/2011: Clomid 100mg, IUI --> BFN
04/13: Clomid, IUI BFP --> MC at 6w1d
05/13: Femara 2.5mg, IUI --> BFN , 08/13: Femara 2.5mg --> BFN
03/14: Femara 5mg, IUI --> 1 follicle @ 27d --> BFP! EDD 12/02/14--> blighted ovum, missed MC 6w6d --> D&C
4/23: D&C...starting over again, with a little part of my heart broken off
7/14: Femara 5mg + brevelle + menopur + IUI --> converted to IVF, ER 7/28 --> ET cancelled due to severe OHSS.
9/20/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP--> EDD 6/6/15 --> MC at 5w3d
10/16/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFN
2/6/15: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP --> MC at 5w4d
3/20/16: PGS-tested Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP, Living Child born 12/1/15
6/6/17: Fresh IVF Cycle --> Severe OHSS, 5 PGS-tested embryos frozen
2/23/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN
3/30/18: Cancelled cycle due to lining 4.2mm
I guess that would change if it was a close friend, but I feel like since I haven't told anyone about either loss , I can't really expect them to have my feelings in mind. I just try to seem happy and usually fail. Luckily I'm not a very effusive person in general.
I've never gotten an announcement via text or email, but that would probably be the best.
The phone isn't terrible because at least I can get off the phone and let it sink in.
The worst announcements have been in person at work. Not only am I usually trapped in a room full of people, but I also have to go right back to teaching afterwards as if nothing happened.
TTC since July 2012
BFP 5/22/13. Lap. to remove ectopic and dx with endo. 6/16/13
RE consult: June 2014
DX: FVL, endo, hypothyroidism, blocked left tube
Oct. 2014: First treatment cycle: Clomid+trigger+IUI=BFN
November 2014: Clomid+trigger+IUI again=BFP!
BFP 11/28/14 MC discovered 1/14/15
Blogging to stay sane
My situation was very different from PC's because of the history of the two people involved; it was more of an ambush when PC's SIL announced it in person. The fact of the matter is that it is really the combination of very precise circumstances that dictates what the person on the receiving end needs/wants versus what the person with the news is able to give. Maybe the reality is there is not really a "good" way to break that kind of news to someone on this side of a pregnancy. For me, just because I "needed" to hear it in person doesn't mean my best friend was able to give that much emotionally right then and regardless of how I feel now, what's done is done.
My Ovulation Chart
If I could choose I would rather it not be done in person, depending on who it is. If it was one of my BFF's a private one on one conversation would be ok for me. Well, not ok but I am close enough to them that they would know if I broke down it's becuase of my sadness, not becuase I am not happy for them. Now if my friends invited me to a gathering where they were going to announce it to all, I would be pissed if I wasn't told first. I would feel completely blindsided.
Luckily I don't have many close friends or any family members that are trying so the majority of the annoucements I see are on FB.
Now I do have to send out a company wide email today that one of my engineers just had a baby. It's supposed to be all cheery but it's hard with my loss just being a few days ago It's a small office so of course it's all that's being talked about.
PgAL welcome
Married 6/11/2011
Me & Hubby: 34
TTC journey started 12/2012
BFP #1 6/5/2013, MC confirmed 6/26/2013 @ 7 wks
BFP#2 8/25/2013 MC confirmed 10/16/2013 @ 12 wks (D&C 10/18)
Diagnosis: unexplained RPL, unexplained IF.
Also have hypothyroidism
Started TTC again 12/2013
IUI#1:Clomid CD 3-7, Trigger'ed CD 12. IUI CD 14. BFN
IUI #2:Letrozole CD 3 - 7, Follistim CD 9, Trigger CD 10, IUI CD12. BFN
Current plan: IVF with PGD. Antagonist - Vivelle Protocal. Stim start 12/1. ER 12/14.
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/502498
~TTC #1 Since 3/2014
~BFP #1 6/2014 EDD 2/11/15
~MMC 7/31/14 @12weeks ~D&C /2/2014
8/12-Suprise BFP- Sweet Bunny Born Sleeping 11/21/12 (19 weeks)
-5/7/13- MMC (8 Weeks)
11/6/13- BO discovered at 7 weeks- natural MC 11/25/13
8/14- Surpise IF dx...low AMH (.24)- moving on to IVF
IVF #1- 11/14- 6R5M4F=2 perfect frosties
12/19/14- FET of 2 embabies = BFP!!! One Little Bean EDD: 9/3/15
Everyone Welcome.
How many of you are "out" IRL?
My Ovulation Chart
PgAL welcome
Married 6/11/2011
Me & Hubby: 34
TTC journey started 12/2012
BFP #1 6/5/2013, MC confirmed 6/26/2013 @ 7 wks
BFP#2 8/25/2013 MC confirmed 10/16/2013 @ 12 wks (D&C 10/18)
Diagnosis: unexplained RPL, unexplained IF.
Also have hypothyroidism
Started TTC again 12/2013
IUI#1:Clomid CD 3-7, Trigger'ed CD 12. IUI CD 14. BFN
IUI #2:Letrozole CD 3 - 7, Follistim CD 9, Trigger CD 10, IUI CD12. BFN
Current plan: IVF with PGD. Antagonist - Vivelle Protocal. Stim start 12/1. ER 12/14.
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/502498
DH: 45
BFP #1 3/19/14 EDD 11/29/14 MMC D&C 4/24/14
BFP #2 12/4/14 Beta #1 218 at 12dpo Beta #2 1055 at 16dpo
Saw heartbeat 12/29. Please be a rainbow.
All welcome
BFP #1 7/6/2012, EDD 3/13/2013, Delivered 3/14/2013
BFP #2 1/7/2014: EDD:9/14 MC: 1/9/2014 (confirmed via blood work)
BFP #3 7/5/2014: EDD 3/11/2015 MC: 7/15/2014
BFP #4 11/7/2014: EDD 7/17/2015~~Please be my RAINBOW!
My Chart
All are Welcome!
~TTC #1 Since 3/2014
~BFP #1 6/2014 EDD 2/11/15
~MMC 7/31/14 @12weeks ~D&C /2/2014