Bringing your infant around other unvaccinated children

purplestarz · May 2014

I'm going to try to pose this question without going into the vax/anti vax debate. So please, let's no go there.

I recently found out through my MIL that my SIL has not vaccinated my one year old nephew. She's not even anti-vax, she's just lazy. But that's a whole different issue for another day.

When I heard that my first thought was, "I don't want my baby around my nephew." At least until my baby is fully vaccinated.

Am I overreacting? Or is this a totally normal reaction? I know as soon as I tell my SIL my opinion it's going to cause some unnecessary drama. She's 25 but has the mentality of an 16 year old when it comes to things not going her way.

At the same time, I want her to know where I stand now, so she has time to get this taken care of if she really cares about it. However, she doesn't know that I know he's not vaccinated, since my MIL told me "behind her back." It seems weird to bring it up out of the blue.

If my nephew doesn't get vaccinated, and I stick to my guns, it essentially means we will never take baby to my MIL's house where SIL lives also until my baby is fully vaccinated. They only live about 30 minutes away, and are currently our only relatives nearby that we could use for baby sitting, etc if we need it.

So ladies, do I bring it up now? Wait til my baby is born? Risk it and just bring my baby around my nephew and assume it's no big deal? I am a FTM so I will fully accept anyone saying I am overreacting

thanks!

mrsdanielleM2010 · May 2014

We are doing something similar to @smileygirl18. Nobody comes in the house without flu shots and mmr and tdap boosters, and we won't go, for the first year, places there are unvaccinated kiddos. This is one of the reasons we opted to bring in a babysitter instead of go to a daycare. I don't want my kiddo around even other infants if they aren't vaccinated. I know this makes me a nut but I don't care.

mcstrepp · May 2014

@mrsdanielleM2010 it doesn't make you a nut, it makes you a concerned mom

I have a similar issue. My cousin mentioned to me years ago that she got a dr. to fudge vaccine records so her kids could go to school. They are older now, 16 and 13 and i don't know if they have been vaccinated. Trying to figure out how to bring it up to her.

A&DPritchett2be · May 2014

I would bring it up now, but not mention that you know that her son isn't vaccinated. I would simply say that at your latest appointment your OB was talking about the risks and suggested that babies under a year should not be around anyone who isn't up to date on their vaccinations. Also mention that you are taking your OB's advice for all baby visitors. That way you have opened the door for when baby arrives if she hasn't vaccinated her son, it wouldn't be a new decision out of the blue. Also it may remind her to get her son vaccinated before September.

portentosa · May 2014

SmileyGirl18 said:
In our family, no vaccines = nowhere near our kids until at least 1 year. This goes for flu, DTAPP and all childhood vaccines. We set the guidelines when we were pregnant with DS and no one has ever questioned us.

This for us. Last week there was a confirmed case of measles in my county. I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Everyusernameistaken · May 2014

Thanks for asking this, I'm having the same dilemma with a friend who will be on mat leave at the same time as me. We're in Canada so mat leave is a year and we had our last babies together and spent tons of time together on our year off. But her LO #1 is now almost 2 and no vax planned, my son is up to date so I'm cool having hm around her but nervous about my newborn. Glad I'm not crazy!

ashaw512 · May 2014

I would definitely bring this up casually. I've never even thought about church with other children not being vaccinated. DD doesn't go to daycare and my nephew who is 2 mo older then her is up to date on all of his, and the rest of the younger children on DHs side. I've always thought, well DD is vaccinated so she will be fine around other kids. I feel so dumb, why have I not thought about this...

mrsdanielleM2010 · May 2014

@crystalangel79‌ I hadn't thought about church - thanks for putting that in my head. About half the time dh doesn't go with me so maybe the plan will be for him to be home with the baby? Yikes.

brittneyandadam · May 2014

I think the ladies pretty much covered it, but I just wanted to say that you're not overreacting. There are diseases that are making a come-back and they can make you child very very sick. You do what you need to do to protect your kid.

Since MIL was the one who told you, I would probably bring it up to her that since SIL is living with her, that your baby will not be making visits to the house until he/she has had all his/her shots.

Also, I think that if you do present it to your SIL, it would help to put it in a way that recognizes that though you respect her choice not to vax, she needs to respect your choice to protect your baby from exposure.

trisholiosboi · May 2014

You're baby will be fine around your nephew. Since you are choosing to vaccinate, just keep up to date with their shots, and it'll be fine.

Everyusernameistaken · May 2014

trisholiosboi said:
You're baby will be fine around your nephew. Since you are choosing to vaccinate, just keep up to date with their shots, and it'll be fine.

I think the major issue here is that our newborns won't be fully vaccinated for the first few months. As I mentioned above, I let my vaxxed toddler play with my friend's unvaxxed daughter but am nervous about my newborn being around her before he gets his shots.

AmandaR204 · May 2014

I agree. I wouldn't bring a newbie around an unvax child. Just let her know that once her kid is all vaxed up it won't be an issue. Hopefully she'll understand.

JSS1002 · May 2014

I don't think you're overreacting. I woudln't bring my kid around un-vax'd kids. Our daycare requires immunization records at entry and updated as the vaxes update. Sometimes there is no way of knowing who you are coming in contact wtih (ie, park, playgroup, trip to Target), etc but I would not knowingly put my child around that. especially right now as measles and even polio are coming back.

wrightpalomo · May 2014

I say bring it up now. That way she'll have time to get it all taken care of before your baby arrives. Maybe going through your MIL or, as Crystal suggested, asking her casually. You said she's not an anti-vaxer, just lazy, so maybe she just needs a reminder and an incentive. My MIL is lazy about going to the doctor also, and I've already told her I'll need to see some paperwork from the doctor saying she's up to date with her Pertussis, MMR, and Flu shots.

MMason12 · May 2014

Just a question because I am curious.....

Are you going to keep your newborn inside your house for an entire year and ask to see proof that all visitors have records that they have all their vaccinations up todate?

There are unvaccinated kids/adults where you go from the grocery store, church, park, gas station, shopping mall, fair, parade, etc. It seems almost impossible to ensure a newborn is never around unvaccinated people if you take them outside the house at all.

Or are you more worried about those who will come into constant direct contact or everyone?

mrsdanielleM2010 · May 2014

MMason12 said:
Just a question because I am curious.....

Are you going to keep your newborn inside your house for an entire year and ask to see proof that all visitors have records that they have all their vaccinations up todate?

There are unvaccinated kids/adults where you go from the grocery store, church, park, gas station, shopping mall, fair, parade, etc. It seems almost impossible to ensure a newborn is never around unvaccinated people if you take them outside the house at all.

Or are you more worried about those who will come into constant direct contact or everyone?

When it comes to being in my own home, or the homes of family members, I don't think I'll ask for paperwork. I would hope that people in my family wouldn't lie. As for going shopping and running errands, I do plan to avoid places that are crowded if the baby is with me. In less busy places I feel like I'll have to make best of bad options kind of choices. We won't be doing things like amusement parks or shopping malls with the baby for that first year. We don't do much of those as it is so I don't think it will be too difficult to manage. I guess we'll see.

JSS1002 · May 2014

mrsdanielleM2010 said:

MMason12 said:
Just a question because I am curious.....

Are you going to keep your newborn inside your house for an entire year and ask to see proof that all visitors have records that they have all their vaccinations up todate?

There are unvaccinated kids/adults where you go from the grocery store, church, park, gas station, shopping mall, fair, parade, etc. It seems almost impossible to ensure a newborn is never around unvaccinated people if you take them outside the house at all.

Or are you more worried about those who will come into constant direct contact or everyone?
When it comes to being in my own home, or the homes of family members, I don't think I'll ask for paperwork. I would hope that people in my family wouldn't lie. As for going shopping and running errands, I do plan to avoid places that are crowded if the baby is with me. In less busy places I feel like I'll have to make best of bad options kind of choices. We won't be doing things like amusement parks or shopping malls with the baby for that first year. We don't do much of those as it is so I don't think it will be too difficult to manage. I guess we'll see.

We were at the mall nonstop babies first year. During mn winter it was the only place often to get out of the house and walk.

mrsdanielleM2010 · May 2014

JSS1002 said:

mrsdanielleM2010 said:

MMason12 said:
Just a question because I am curious.....

Are you going to keep your newborn inside your house for an entire year and ask to see proof that all visitors have records that they have all their vaccinations up todate?

There are unvaccinated kids/adults where you go from the grocery store, church, park, gas station, shopping mall, fair, parade, etc. It seems almost impossible to ensure a newborn is never around unvaccinated people if you take them outside the house at all.

Or are you more worried about those who will come into constant direct contact or everyone?
When it comes to being in my own home, or the homes of family members, I don't think I'll ask for paperwork. I would hope that people in my family wouldn't lie. As for going shopping and running errands, I do plan to avoid places that are crowded if the baby is with me. In less busy places I feel like I'll have to make best of bad options kind of choices. We won't be doing things like amusement parks or shopping malls with the baby for that first year. We don't do much of those as it is so I don't think it will be too difficult to manage. I guess we'll see.
We were at the mall nonstop babies first year. During mn winter it was the only place often to get out of the house and walk.

Understandable. We aren't mall people though so I'm not worried about it.

JD83 · May 2014

You're not overreacting. I'm putting out a blanket requirement to everyone who wants to vist: everyone who sees the baby must be up to date on tdap and mmr. And since almost everyone I know is military or works in health care, getting both the shots and the paperwork, which I will check, is pretty easy. I will also be getting a tdap booster in July in order to protect my daughter for the first two months in case of accidental exposure. When people get lax about vaccinating their kids, the rest of us must be even more vigilant about protecting ours. I know I'm going overboard, but I care way more about my daughter's health than anyone's precious feelings.

RedBaramid · May 2014

I just wanted to echo that you aren't crazy. I just had my DH spend some time translating an email to the non English speaking family members (lots of former Soviets with different levels of vaccinations) with a list of vaccines that we would like them to have had before the baby arrives if they intend on visiting. We're also going to be picking potential day care based on vaccination rules. Most of the family who has heard about our list are very understanding and embracing the "American Health Standards." Our immediate families are all also on board and are taking our side so if they hear complaints we know they have our back. We've had confirmed cases of measles in our area. I'm not playing games with this baby's health.

wrightpalomo · May 2014

MMason12 said:

Just a question because I am curious..... Are you going to keep your newborn inside your house for an entire year and ask to see proof that all visitors have records that they have all their vaccinations up todate? There are unvaccinated kids/adults where you go from the grocery store, church, park, gas station, shopping mall, fair, parade, etc. It seems almost impossible to ensure a newborn is never around unvaccinated people if you take them outside the house at all. Or are you more worried about those who will come into constant direct contact or everyone?

I live in downtown San Francisco, there is no way I am going to be able to keep my kid away from every sick person. Assuming all goes as planned, I'm going to be taking the bus/subway with my kid at least a couple of times a week so he'll be around a lot of people. But I also won't be letting randos on the street kiss my baby's face. My MIL, on the other hand, will be all over that kid. She's also a known fibber/fact omiter with an aversion to doctors. So yeah, I know it sounds nuts/mean but I am actually going to ask to see her paper work on the vaccines.

purplestarz · May 2014

MMason12 said:
Just a question because I am curious.....

Are you going to keep your newborn inside your house for an entire year and ask to see proof that all visitors have records that they have all their vaccinations up todate?

There are unvaccinated kids/adults where you go from the grocery store, church, park, gas station, shopping mall, fair, parade, etc. It seems almost impossible to ensure a newborn is never around unvaccinated people if you take them outside the house at all.

Or are you more worried about those who will come into constant direct contact or everyone?

I am more concerned about direct, frequent, contact. I am not planning on asking for proof of vaccinations (I don't think) especially from family. This just struck a cord since I KNOW my nephew is unvaccinated. Since I know this is true, how horrible would I feel if something did happen and I didn't do something simple to prevent it? Or at least try to do something to prevent it? That's just where my thought process started.

Yes, I realize it's impossible to keep baby in a bubble for the first year. However, I will be a SAHM. There will be no daycare. We don't go to church. So I do have at least some control over where baby goes.

Thanks everyone for your input!

Ceridwen21 · May 2014

Ok I guess I am in the minority on this one. I am not screening our friends and family members for vaccines before they meet our DD. I will take precautions to keep her away from sick people, but I will not keep her in a bubble.

harkeyl86 · May 2014

technically a baby is not fully vaccinated until they are one year, depends on which diseases you are concerned about. i would say if you want to wait till the 2 month vaccines, i would say that's a valid choice you'd have to make or just look, don't touch. Even bringing him to the grocery store/doctors office though will put him at risk for disease. i know i would make my baby boy a bubble baby if i could, but thats no way to live in my opinion.

brittneyandadam · May 2014

Yuristar said:
Now, correct me if I am wrong, but isn't the baby protected with your inmune system the first six months if you are breastfeeding?

Not to everything. Baby gets most immunity from breastmilk through the IgA antibody....it neutralizes some bacteria, but not all.

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