So my hub and I have been talking about wanting kids ever since we got married ha! We got married very young (8 years ago), finished up college and grad/law school together, and now we've both been working for a few years. I'm 28, he's 29.
Once we started working, we had a "5 year plan" but now we're cutting that short by one year and TTC this summer. It was sudden, and I wondered if it was a rushed decision, but it's been a good 3 months, and we strongly believe it's the right time. The thing is, we have like too much fun together, truly he is my best friend. We share similar interests in almost everything. We travel so much all the time.
I'm super excited, but also very terrified of having children. I'll miss our current freedom and fun. But I get so emo when I think of having a child with him, it makes me so happy.
I wanted to ask, what was your relationship like after having a baby? Do you still do things together?
We have a different kind of fun now but we look at eachother in amazement when we see our LO and how wonderful he is, we couldn't imagine things any different. It's a "new" normal
Its a little different for us because my H travels for work a good bit. When he is home we try to do stuff as a family so we haven't been on a date in almost 3yrs. BUT, our relationship is stronger than ever, we have us time when the boys go to bed, and we still have a good sex life. It is definitely different than before kids but I love it.
Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader. , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Of course it changes the relationship! But that's not always a bad thing. It brought us closer together in some ways, but separated us in other ways. Just make sure you're on the same page before you have kids. And learn to not get upset so easily haha! Kids will push every button you have and you'll feel awful if you ever lose your temper towards your LO.
I hesitate to respond because I don't like getting involved in posts that contain drama, but it is a legit question so....
It's important to remember that although you will be Mom and Dad, you will also be husband and wife, so you have to make sure you make a conscious effort to address that as well. Having a kid will put a strain on your relationship- don't let anyone tell you otherwise- but it can also end up strengthening it. DH has times when he gets a little jealous because DD gets most of my attention in the evenings...he's had to learn that if he will bring that to my attention, we can remedy that by doing something together after she has gone to bed instead of both of doing our own thing until we go to bed. We are also incredibly lucky to have both sets of grandparents nearby, so we are able to make most Friday nights date night, allowing us to spend some time together just the 2 of us...
So yes, things will change, but change is not always a bad thing...plus, IMHO, there is nothing sexier than seeing DH and DD spending time together when they don't know I'm watching..i love that he's not afraid to get down on her level and be silly if it makes her happy
It changes things. There are days where I wish we could just snuggle up and not worry about interruptions for a few hours. But, at least for us, we love having kids even more than we loved being able to travel at the drop of a hat. AND we are traveling internationally with our toddler this year (DH has itchy feet, as it were. I know it's not the sanest.)
Things have absolutely changed since we had DD. Our relationship is really struggling right now. We have our good days and our bad. Our issue right now is that we don't get enough time together.
Our schedules are completely off. I work 9-5, wake up with the baby and go to bed shortly after her. He works 2-10 and sleeps in as long as possible and stays up til 4 in the morning
It's rough, but we're working on it. Time as a couple is so important and we are really struggling to find the time right now as we don't even have the same days off. Works great for watching DD..not so great for our relationship.
We have a blast together still. We have weekly date nights, solo vacations each year and family vacations. We enjoy our time together after DD goes to bed as well, have a drink together and just hang out, sit on the back porch, etc.
You have to make an effort. It's hard with a newborn, but don't become one of those couples who never has alone time away from their kids. Just don't. Your marriage will be better if you continue to make time for each other.
The bad news is that you will not have as much freedom and money as you did before. The good news is that your life will be absolutely filled with so much fun and good times with your child in ways you cannot imagine now. Also, you will find time for just you and your husband...for us we do every night have alone time after we put our LO down.... and we usually get a few hours.
Don't be afraid to start a new chapter in life. Your DH will be there w/ you when your kids are grown and all of that too It's a good thing and you will not regret it
We have a blast together still. We have weekly date nights, solo vacations each year and family vacations. We enjoy our time together after DD goes to bed as well, have a drink together and just hang out, sit on the back porch, etc.
You have to make an effort. It's hard with a newborn, but don't become one of those couples who never has alone time away from their kids. Just don't. Your marriage will be better if you continue to make time for each other.
This exactly. No firsthand experience here, but I know this to be true since I have seen this modeled in some of the best relationships I've ever seen.
Love 2010 | Marriage 2011 | TTC #1 since 2012 PCOS | Anovulatory | Metformin + Letrozole
when i was pregnant my weird neighbour pulled me aside one day when i was walking out a back cramp and decided to impart this wisdom on me " when your kids leave, it will be just you and your husband together forever. don't spend 20 years ignoring him and doting on them because you may find he isn't there when those ungrateful bastards leave" not kidding thats what she called my future progeny.
edited: well I wrote this long emo post about how much you have to work at loving your spouse and then I realized the OP up and went crazy town for no reason, so never mind. I will however leave the tidbit of wisdom from my neighbour since she is so profound.
Well, you seem like a well-adjusted adult. You have planned everything along with your soulmate, my opinion is you and your relationship will succed. Your relationship not only will change after the baby is born but during pregnancy. You will suffer numerous changes emotionally and phisically, your hubby needs to give you a lot of support.
Having a kids doesn't mean that your love life is going to stop there, but you'll need to plan ahead to have a couple vacations or weekend getaways once in a while and date nights... date night should happen at leat 1 per week if you have family relatives who can help you, if not, try doing it twice or once per month.
I am new to this website but I'd like to apologize for all the others who were feeling very bitchy around here and left those hostil posts, probably that's the hormones, something you'll have deal with when you decide to become pregnant.
I also wanna say you are young still, get pregnant when you are 100% sure you won't regret it. You have time still, i'd say until you turn 32 you could start having kids. I'm 34 and have a an 8 years old and I'm 8 months pregnant.
Good Luck! I know you'll be fine.
Jessica.
"Don't worry about the haters... They are just angry because the truth you speak contradicts the lie they live."
I worried about that also. When my son was born, it was the exact opposite. If anything, I would say it bonded us even closer. I am not saying a baby would bond two people closer in a dysfunctional relationship. I am saying that if you have an amazing partner that is also your best friend, having a baby is wonderful! I mean, I look at my husband when our son does something cute and I see he is just a amused as I am. No one would get that excited other than the two of us.
I am new to this website but I'd like to apologize for all the others who were feeling very bitchy around here and left those hostil posts, probably that's the hormones, something you'll have deal with when you decide to become pregnant.
I also wanna say you are young still, get pregnant when you are 100% sure you won't regret it. You have time still, i'd say until you turn 32 you could start having kids. I'm 34 and have a an 8 years old and I'm 8 months pregnant.
Good Luck! I know you'll be fine.
Jessica.
oh @jessig13826 you have a lot to learn if you plan to stick around. You realize hormones have NOTHING to do with being snarky online, right?
As to the bolded- dafuq????? Does your uterus just grow legs and run away through your vagina on your 32nd birthday if you haven't reproduced yet?
"Don't worry about the haters... They are just angry because the truth you speak contradicts the lie they live."
I am guessing this is a very individual situation, insofar as it will be completely different for each couple. For myself and my DH, life is very much the same, except for two things: (1) we have less time 'alone' with each other and (2) we both still want to DTD but dang, it is a lot harder to fit that in. (This may be because we have chosen to co-sleep. YMMV.) We still have the same dynamic, and seeing DH be a great Daddy is heartwarming. We still go lots of places and do lots of things, but now we always think about whether the venues we go to are "baby friendly," i.e., are there other parents & kiddos there, is there a changing table, etc.
It changes but it's one that you can't possibly describe!! The joy you experience seeing the man you love holding the baby you made together - nothing tops that!! You'll never have the experience of "free" like that again once baby is here but you won't care:) It's so worth it everything they say is completely true, it's a huge perceptual shift. Sit back and relax for now, good luck
It changes but it's one that you can't possibly describe!! The joy you experience seeing the man you love holding the baby you made together - nothing tops that!! You'll never have the experience of "free" like that again once baby is here but you won't care:) It's so worth it everything they say is completely true, it's a huge perceptual shift. Sit back and relax for now, good luck
ETA quote
Love 2010 | Marriage 2011 | TTC #1 since 2012 PCOS | Anovulatory | Metformin + Letrozole
You'll probably just fall deeper in love! I'm excited for you! The fact yall have such a great relationship first is really important! Things will indeed be different...but it's a change yall will experience TOGETHER and it'll be SOOO worth it!!! Have fun!!
Okay seriously you are all acting like stuck up brats ganging up on a first time mom on HER post. I find it odd that the word "wifey" would offend you so much too, but as I read on I started to think maybe you weren't so offended by the word you just wanted a reason to bully a girl off of this website. If I hadn't used this site before and already talked to some really nice ladies already I too would think this is a mean spirited stuck up site because that is how you gals are acting. I hope you treat your own children nicer when they come to you with questions. Shame on you.
I have low tolerance for unsolicited, mean-spirited comments though.
See ya. I'll take myself to a less stuck-up site.
If you are prone to overreactions and can't handle a unsolicited comments...then I don't recommend you have kids....
She is most likely prone to overreactions right now because she is pregnant for the first time and experiences hormones she never had to experience before. You have already been pregnant before you should be able to at least understand or sympathize! Telling a pregnant woman on a site like this that you recommend she not have a baby is so beyond screwed up and I hope you can see how wrong it was to say that.
Okay seriously you are all acting like stuck up brats ganging up on a first time mom on HER post. I find it odd that the word "wifey" would offend you so much too, but as I read on I started to think maybe you weren't so offended by the word you just wanted a reason to bully a girl off of this website. If I hadn't used this site before and already talked to some really nice ladies already I too would think this is a mean spirited stuck up site because that is how you gals are acting. I hope you treat your own children nicer when they come to you with questions. Shame on you.
@Brimuz1992 this post is 2.5 months old. Look up what bullying really is. STFU.
I have low tolerance for unsolicited, mean-spirited comments though.
See ya. I'll take myself to a less stuck-up site.
If you are prone to overreactions and can't handle a unsolicited comments...then I don't recommend you have kids....
She is most likely prone to overreactions right now because she is pregnant for the first time and experiences hormones she never had to experience before. You have already been pregnant before you should be able to at least understand or sympathize! Telling a pregnant woman on a site like this that you recommend she not have a baby is so beyond screwed up and I hope you can see how wrong it was to say that.
1. As PP has said, this thread is old and it would be grand if folks who don't actually post here could let it die.
2. The OP wasn't already pregnant; she was asking for advice on how life might change once she was.
3. Not everyone here has been pregnant in the past. That is, in fact, a potential sore spot for people with "Babies on the Brain" and it is presumptuous of you to tell us we should understand.
No longer posting on The Bump due to the appalling misconduct of the staff and of its parent company, the XO Group. Four thousand active, engaged members do not represent "a few bad apples" and we are not trolls.
Re: Life after baby with Hubby? Or Wifey?
We do things together... but we do more as a family. Things are not as carefree as they used to be.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
EDD 12/3 - William Garrett
DD - Stella Gwen (5YO)
It's important to remember that although you will be Mom and Dad, you will also be husband and wife, so you have to make sure you make a conscious effort to address that as well. Having a kid will put a strain on your relationship- don't let anyone tell you otherwise- but it can also end up strengthening it. DH has times when he gets a little jealous because DD gets most of my attention in the evenings...he's had to learn that if he will bring that to my attention, we can remedy that by doing something together after she has gone to bed instead of both of doing our own thing until we go to bed. We are also incredibly lucky to have both sets of grandparents nearby, so we are able to make most Friday nights date night, allowing us to spend some time together just the 2 of us...
So yes, things will change, but change is not always a bad thing...plus, IMHO, there is nothing sexier than seeing DH and DD spending time together when they don't know I'm watching..i love that he's not afraid to get down on her level and be silly if it makes her happy
BFP #1 12/02/11, M/C 12/08/11
BFP #2 04/06/12, DD born 12/20/12
BFP #3 06/09/14, M/C 06/15/14
Our schedules are completely off. I work 9-5, wake up with the baby and go to bed shortly after her. He works 2-10 and sleeps in as long as possible and stays up til 4 in the morning
It's rough, but we're working on it. Time as a couple is so important and we are really struggling to find the time right now as we don't even have the same days off. Works great for watching DD..not so great for our relationship.
We have a blast together still. We have weekly date nights, solo vacations each year and family vacations. We enjoy our time together after DD goes to bed as well, have a drink together and just hang out, sit on the back porch, etc.
You have to make an effort. It's hard with a newborn, but don't become one of those couples who never has alone time away from their kids. Just don't. Your marriage will be better if you continue to make time for each other.
Hi,
The bad news is that you will not have as much freedom and money as you did before.
The good news is that your life will be absolutely filled with so much fun and good times with your child in ways you cannot imagine now. Also, you will find time for just you and your husband...for us we do every night have alone time after we put our LO down.... and we usually get a few hours.
Don't be afraid to start a new chapter in life. Your DH will be there w/ you when your kids are grown and all of that too It's a good thing and you will not regret it
PCOS | Anovulatory | Metformin + Letrozole
Funny story. Today my pre-op nurse called H "hubby" and me "wifey." Karma. That's what I get for being bitchy.
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Well, you seem like a well-adjusted adult. You have planned everything along with your soulmate, my opinion is you and your relationship will succed. Your relationship not only will change after the baby is born but during pregnancy. You will suffer numerous changes emotionally and phisically, your hubby needs to give you a lot of support.
Having a kids doesn't mean that your love life is going to stop there, but you'll need to plan ahead to have a couple vacations or weekend getaways once in a while and date nights... date night should happen at leat 1 per week if you have family relatives who can help you, if not, try doing it twice or once per month.
I am new to this website but I'd like to apologize for all the others who were feeling very bitchy around here and left those hostil posts, probably that's the hormones, something you'll have deal with when you decide to become pregnant.
I also wanna say you are young still, get pregnant when you are 100% sure you won't regret it. You have time still, i'd say until you turn 32 you could start having kids. I'm 34 and have a an 8 years old and I'm 8 months pregnant.
Good Luck! I know you'll be fine.
Jessica.
"Don't worry about the haters... They are just angry because the truth you speak contradicts the lie they live."
-Dr. Steve Maraboli
Hey Nariadreaming, and you have a lot to learn about life and where bad attitude can take you to. Good luck, darling.
:x"Don't worry about the haters... They are just angry because the truth you speak contradicts the lie they live."
-Dr. Steve Maraboli
PCOS | Anovulatory | Metformin + Letrozole
Look up what bullying really is.
STFU.