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How do you girls do it...

dmartin726dmartin726 member
in Stay at Home Moms

Ok I will start by saying I am have a bad day/week.  Here's some background info if you haven't already created a post it for me or a section in your binders :)

I am a WAHM.  I hang out here, because quite frankly I am a SAHM too.  I used to work in the afternoons M-F in the office up until February when my husband got a promotion and we moved across the state.  I was able to stay working from home but I did take a pay cut to do so.  DH is a restaurant manager and works 10-12 hour days/5 days a week.  So for example this week, Sat, Sun, Mon, Tues, and Wed he is going in at 9 and wont be home until 8ish.  DD wakes up at 8 and goes to bed at 7:30 so he only sees her for 10 minutes in the am, and she is down when he gets home. 

I think I am just feeling extremely overwhelmed lately.  DD is 2 and she is a firecracker.  I plan constant activities: Painting projects, sensory activities, walks around the block, trips to the library etc.  It just doesn't seem to be enough.  I find that between working, playing with DD,  straightening up, cooking and laundry I barely have time to shower.  Being pregnant is making me seriously emotional and DH noticed I was crying when he got home yesterday.  I tried to blow it off, but I can't help that I am just unhappy.  Before we moved I had 3 sets of grandparents, a SIL and niece, and friends all within 20 minutes.  I think the loneliness of living out here is really getting to me.  I feel awful that I spilled to DH, because now he is upset that I am upset.  

I guess I just need words of support.  I'm an unconventional SAHM and I find I am seriously struggling these past few weeks.  I guess the first step is admitting I have a problem, huh...

I feel stupid even complaining, because I am usually a very happy person...

Anyone else ever feel like this?  What did you do? 

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Check out my blog ---->  http://minismama.com/
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Re: How do you girls do it...

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    kcisthebombdotcomkcisthebombdotcom member
    Working at home plus trying to manage a toddler, pregnancy, and having a dh working long hours sounds incredibly overwhelming. Does your dd go to childcare at all?
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    Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member

    I would be overwhelmed too.

    Have you looked into something like Parent's Day Out ?

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    dizzycooksdizzycooks member
    Is it possible to sign your DD up for a half day preschool program a few days a week?  Then you could dedicate that time to your work.  How many hours are you working?  You need to find some type of childcare to allow you to do that without killing yourself (and to do it well!).  Maybe you can find someone on sittercity.com or care.com to come in a few hours a few times a week to give you a break to work and/or clean up a bit?  I try to clean while DD naps, but pregnancy left me exhausted for the first 4 months and the house suffered.  I have found that if I need to work while DD is home it is best that I start early.  I got up at 5:30 and work until she got up at 8, but those hours were totally up to me if I wanted to earn the money.
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    dmartin726dmartin726 member

    Working at home plus trying to manage a toddler, pregnancy, and having a dh working long hours sounds incredibly overwhelming. Does your dd go to childcare at all?

     

     

    She doesn't.  I am unfamiliar with this area, don't know anyone to really ask recommendations for places.  The couple of places I checked out I was not happy with.  And the cost is very high in this area.  I know that I will come home to a quiet house and think "seriously...why did I bring her, I could do this".  I also have not had a problem until recently.  I feel like being pregnant threw my whole groove off.

     

    I have looked for MDO programs in the area and haven't found any.  I have searched almost every churches website for something similar and haven't had luck...I need to keep searching.

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    Check out my blog ---->  http://minismama.com/
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    Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member

    Where do you live ?

    Maybe someone here can help.

     

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    dmartin726dmartin726 member
    dizzykates said:
    Is it possible to sign your DD up for a half day preschool program a few days a week?  Then you could dedicate that time to your work.  How many hours are you working?  You need to find some type of childcare to allow you to do that without killing yourself (and to do it well!).  Maybe you can find someone on sittercity.com or care.com to come in a few hours a few times a week to give you a break to work and/or clean up a bit?  I try to clean while DD naps, but pregnancy left me exhausted for the first 4 months and the house suffered.  I have found that if I need to work while DD is home it is best that I start early.  I got up at 5:30 and work until she got up at 8, but those hours were totally up to me if I wanted to earn the money.
    I started to look into half day programs. I need to get over spending the money and just do it, for my sanity I guess.  I am just trying so hard to save everything and pay off debts.  I am expected to be "available" by phone or email 9-5.  The work I do only really takes me 4 hours of that time period.  And I don't get a lot of phone calls, so it isn't horrible. 
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    dmartin726dmartin726 member
    Disneygeek77 said:

    Where do you live ?

    Maybe someone here can help.

     


    I'm in Southwest Florida, if anyone is familiar.
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    LouiejLouiej member
    I have so much to say...but I hate making paragraphs on my iPad. I have been there. Depending on the day, I'm still right there with you. Being a mom is one of, if not THE most, challenging careers out there. You never "punch out" and are expected to always bring your A game. We moved 250 miles from friends and family for DHs job last year. I had just brought a preemie home, and had two toddlers. It sucked major ass. Being a year out, I will tell you it gets better. You will make friends to drink with and friends to cry with. Hang in there, and try like hell to find somewhere to put her for a few hours one or two days a week. You deserve peace and quiet, and it will make you better equipped to be the supermom you are :)
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    LoriLee14LoriLee14 member

    would you be comfortable to have someone come to your house (a nanny, babysitter) and then you can hide in a room and work?

    This depends on your child and if she will let you hide out

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    id012id012 member
    I would be overwhelmed too. Ia there any way u can find a babysitter to come.over a couple days a week and could do some tidying up while u work? Or can u higher a maid? If not i would let the cleaning slide for now. Give your self a break.
    We all get overwhelmed sometimes for one reason or another, but it always maneges to work out
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    ariel06ariel06 member
    What about getting a high school (or even a middle school) student to come play with your daughter for a couple hours a couple days a week?  
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    Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    This will sound dumb but have you googled your city and " Day Out" because not all churches call it Mother's Day Out.  I know my church calls it Parent's Day Out.
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    dmartin726dmartin726 member

    Thank you all for your advice.  I guess I just have to admit it's ok to be overwhelmed and need help.  I am definitely going to go over finances and find a way to either have someone come help out or see if there is a place I can bring DD in the mornings for a little break.

    I have to give up on the "I can do it all myself"...which is totally my personality, and accept that I need help. 

    I'm 14 weeks and the first tri was rough being exhausted...it got a little better in the past couple of weeks, but not too much better.

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    Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    I have talked to moms who use a service like MDO and said they used to think the same thing. However, once they did it they  realized how nice it is to get even small breaks and wish they would have started something like MDO sooner. 
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    dmartin726dmartin726 member
    NicoleWI said:
    I also don't think you need to plan constant activities and outings for your 2 yo. Maybe she needs some practice at playing on her own, too. Maybe you are putting too much pressure on yourself to entertain her all the time.


    The activities aren't constant.  They usually only keep her occupied for 20-30 minutes at a time.  She is a great independent player.  I just try to plan activities to keep her engaged, to do things with her etc...

    But if we walk around the block for 15-20 minutes, she will likely play with her princesses alone for the next 45 minutes. 

    I just try to mix it up for her.

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    dmartin726dmartin726 member
    LalaMama81 said:

    Okay, if I'm reading correctly you are concerned about paying for even part time child care. Are you making enough money to be working 40 hours a week? Are you stuck home 9-5?

    If you're making enough and you want to keep working, great, but I'd almost be inclined to either resign or find a part time option or higher paying full time one.

    I just always get concerned about finances. We can swing the cost of part time daycare. I was just trying to save and pay off some old debts. So I've been pretty cheap lately. I make a decent salary for being able to work from home. I am expected to be available 9-5 but I definitely take breaks to run to the store, library etc. There is a good amount of leeway with this current job.
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    BoonhildeBoonhilde member
    I'm sorry if someone said this, but are you SURE you need to work? If you can cut that then BAM, you don't have to worry about paying for day-care, and you don't have to worry about driving to and from.

    And, I'm sorry again, your husband is upset that you're upset? No. You shouldn't feel bad that you COMMUNICATED YOUR UNHAPPINESS TO YOUR HUSBAND! He should ONLY be worried about you, not about how your unhappiness affects him You have a right to be unhappy! The two of you should sit down and discuss things that you CAN change,  (BOTH OF YOU,) to make you more happy.
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    vlagrl29vlagrl29 member
    You need some sort of child care to get all of this done.  I myself teach 2 nights a week and can't do it with DD around.  DH was working til 8pm and luckily the neighbor next door watched her for the first hour and 1/2 and her babysitter came over and watched her the rest of the time.  Seriously when I teach without someone watching her I feel I'm loosing my mind.  I know for a fact already that after we have #2 which won't be for a couple more years I'm going to have to stop teaching. I've realized I can't do it all either.  No one had ever told me of moms day out until last weekend. I plan to start calling tomorrow to get some more info about it.  It sounds lovely.
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    vlagrl29vlagrl29 member
    Boonhilde said:
    I'm sorry if someone said this, but are you SURE you need to work? If you can cut that then BAM, you don't have to worry about paying for day-care, and you don't have to worry about driving to and from.

    And, I'm sorry again, your husband is upset that you're upset? No. You shouldn't feel bad that you COMMUNICATED YOUR UNHAPPINESS TO YOUR HUSBAND! He should ONLY be worried about you, not about how your unhappiness affects him You have a right to be unhappy! The two of you should sit down and discuss things that you CAN change,  (BOTH OF YOU,) to make you more happy.
    He is probably sad too just like she is, not pissed that she is unhappy.  
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    dmartin726dmartin726 member
    Boonhilde said:
    I'm sorry if someone said this, but are you SURE you need to work? If you can cut that then BAM, you don't have to worry about paying for day-care, and you don't have to worry about driving to and from.

    And, I'm sorry again, your husband is upset that you're upset? No. You shouldn't feel bad that you COMMUNICATED YOUR UNHAPPINESS TO YOUR HUSBAND! He should ONLY be worried about you, not about how your unhappiness affects him You have a right to be unhappy! The two of you should sit down and discuss things that you CAN change,  (BOTH OF YOU,) to make you more happy.
     
    He is upset as in sad, and trying to figure out how we can make changes for my happiness.  Not upset as in angry that I am upset. 
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