Parenting

MIL troubles

2

Re: MIL troubles

  • missymomissymo member
    edited August 2013
    I will admit that I had absolutely no idea that some states required seat belts in the back seat for adults.  Michigan only requires front seat belts for those under 15.  If it's a legal issue, that is different.  I'm very curious as to what states actually require that.  

    image
    C is 3 years old

  • missymomissymo member
    edited August 2013
    Right, but that is front seat occupants.  Rear seat laws only apply to children. 

    ETA: Although I'm reading that 3 states have rear seat laws for adults, I can't seem to figure out which 3 from the graph.  I may very well be having a reading comprehension fail.  



    image
    C is 3 years old

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  • fredalina said:

    OP, have you seriously not picked up on the advice given? You have 3 choices here: Leave it alone (which you don't want), simply tell her the rule in simple words ("Please buckle up", or "The rule in our car is that we start driving when everyone is buckled up"), or send a ridiculous email that will make you look like an idiot. You decide.

    I'm not sure what this is in response to, but I've already stated multiple times that I will be using the more direct, verbal approach. Thank you so much for your feedback and helpful suggestions.

  • Yeah, I looked at the chart.  I simply cannot see what states require adults to wear belts in the back seat.  What am I missing? 

    image
    C is 3 years old

  • I found it easier to look it up by individual state on the state's websites. That chart confused me as well, although AFTER looking at the states' info, it seems to be accurate.
  • Right. That was where I said I'd heed the advice here, not send the email, and talk to her directly.
  • So, what states require it, ladies??  Gah! The chart makes it seem like none, but the text says several do.  I am so confused.  I guess I am a complete failure at reading charts.  That is really not a surprise, actually.  

    image
    C is 3 years old

  • I thought there might be a better way of saying it than "you better buckle your seatbelt or you can't come on the family vacation," but you know, whatever.
  • Scout2005 said:

    Yeah, I looked at the chart.  I simply cannot see what states require adults to wear belts in the back seat.  What am I missing? 
    KY has a primary law for over 50. I'm on my phone, I'm not going to look at the whole thing. This is just for edification anyway. The law is irrelevant on the face of my rules in my car. I again reference smoking as another example.

    That's not what the chart says, though.  It says under 50".   Again, unless I'm reading it wrong.  Which is not outside the realm of possibility.  

    image
    C is 3 years old

  • missymo said:

    So, what states require it, ladies??  Gah! The chart makes it seem like none, but the text says several do.  I am so confused.  I guess I am a complete failure at reading charts.  That is really not a surprise, actually.  

    Which states require backseat seatbelts? As primary or secondary offense? The laws vary by each individual state and the age ranges are different, too. I just went to the websites of the states we regularly drive in, and those we will be traveling through for vacation to familiarize myself.

  • missymo said:
    So, what states require it, ladies??  Gah! The chart makes it seem like none, but the text says several do.  I am so confused.  I guess I am a complete failure at reading charts.  That is really not a surprise, actually.  
    If you click on the individual state it will take you to another informational page...what state are you in?
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  • missymo said:
    So, what states require it, ladies??  Gah! The chart makes it seem like none, but the text says several do.  I am so confused.  I guess I am a complete failure at reading charts.  That is really not a surprise, actually.  
    I worry more about the safety of all the passengers in my car than the law.  I DGAF if the state requires it or not, everyone wears a seat belt.  Do you not require seat belts for adults in your car?  Is that why you're so intent on getting to the bottom of what the law requires for adults?  Not trying to be snarky, but getting ticket should be the least of your worries on this topic.  A passenger in the back seat flying through the windshield and breaking the driver's neck on the way out should be way more of a concern.
    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • missymo said:
    So, what states require it, ladies??  Gah! The chart makes it seem like none, but the text says several do.  I am so confused.  I guess I am a complete failure at reading charts.  That is really not a surprise, actually.  
    If you click on the individual state it will take you to another informational page...what state are you in?
    Oh, I'm in Michigan, and I know our laws.  15 and under require seat belts in the back seat.  

    I was just perusing the chart that was linked, and although the text seems to say several states require adults to wear belts in the back, the chart seems to indicate that none do.  I am apparently not good at reading charts.  

    I was curious if anyone else looking at it was seeing something I am missing.  

    image
    C is 3 years old

  • MrsL1012 said:
    I thought there might be a better way of saying it than "you better buckle your seatbelt or you can't come on the family vacation," but you know, whatever.
    Umm, I stated what I say before and I've never had an issue. So have others.

    Before you turn on the car, look for belts. If she's not belted, tell her that your rule in the car is that everyone wears seatbelts. If she complains or fusses or hesitates, repeat that the rule is in your car that everyone wears seatbelts, and that you will not drive when someone isn't wearing their belt. Don't debate it and say why or why not or whatever. Keep it simple. The rule is you don't drive if everyone isn't belted. If she wants to ride in your car, she wears a belt. Don't argue, just repeat yourself. Tell your DH he'd best back you up and not side with her.


    image image
  • MrsL1012 said:
    I thought there might be a better way of saying it than "you better buckle your seatbelt or you can't come on the family vacation," but you know, whatever.
    Again, my MIL forgets her seatbelt.   I just say 'please buckle up'.  I do not threaten or give a lengthy explanation.  I ask her politely as I would any other adult.  If she refused I would say we cannot go until she buckles because we love her and want to keep her safe.
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  • missymomissymo member
    edited August 2013
    missymo said:
    So, what states require it, ladies??  Gah! The chart makes it seem like none, but the text says several do.  I am so confused.  I guess I am a complete failure at reading charts.  That is really not a surprise, actually.  
    I worry more about the safety of all the passengers in my car than the law.  I DGAF if the state requires it or not, everyone wears a seat belt.  Do you not require seat belts for adults in your car?  Is that why you're so intent on getting to the bottom of what the law requires for adults?  Not trying to be snarky, but getting ticket should be the least of your worries on this topic.  A passenger in the back seat flying through the windshield and breaking the driver's neck on the way out should be way more of a concern.

    Ummm...I was intent at getting to the bottom of the law, because I was surprised that some states require seat belts in the back seat for adults.  Is that not a good enough reason?  Should I have no curiosity about what goes on in the world?  

    ETA: I also think it's important to back up your assertions.  Someone said some states required seat belts in rear seats for adults.  Since I am deficient at reading charts (apparently) I assumed whoever asserted that would let me know what few states required this.  I'll just default to the assumed none, I guess.   

    image
    C is 3 years old

  • @missymo

    Rear Seats: In 16 of these states, D.C., Guam and the Northern Mariana Islands, rear seats are also primary enforcement. In 4 of these states, rear seats are secondary. The remaining 13 and the Virgin Islands have no belt requirement for adults in rear seats

    Only those will ticket you if someone in the rear seat isn't wearing a seatbelt...the other 4 are NJ, NC, DE and KS--they will ticket adults not wearing seatbelts in the backseat ONLY if the car has been pulled over for a violation.
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  • missymo said:
    missymo said:
    So, what states require it, ladies??  Gah! The chart makes it seem like none, but the text says several do.  I am so confused.  I guess I am a complete failure at reading charts.  That is really not a surprise, actually.  
    I worry more about the safety of all the passengers in my car than the law.  I DGAF if the state requires it or not, everyone wears a seat belt.  Do you not require seat belts for adults in your car?  Is that why you're so intent on getting to the bottom of what the law requires for adults?  Not trying to be snarky, but getting ticket should be the least of your worries on this topic.  A passenger in the back seat flying through the windshield and breaking the driver's neck on the way out should be way more of a concern.

    Ummm...I was intent at getting to the bottom of the law, because I was surprised that some states require seat belts in the back seat for adults.  Is that not a good enough reason?  Should I have no curiosity about what goes on in the world?  
    Nope, just wondering what the motivation was.  It's just one of those laws that doesn't matter to me because everyone wears a seatbelt in my car.  Same with cell phone laws.  I don't talk on the phone or text while driving.  I don't really care what the law says in each state because it's inherently dangerous and my choosing not to do it is not motivated by the law. 
    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • @missymo

    Rear Seats: In 16 of these states, D.C., Guam and the
    Northern Mariana Islands
    , rear seats are also primary enforcement. In 4
    of these states, rear seats are secondary. The remaining 13 and the
    Virgin Islands have no belt requirement for adults in rear seats

    Only those will ticket you if someone in the rear seat isn't wearing a seatbelt...the other 4 are NJ, NC, DE and KS--they will ticket adults not wearing seatbelts in the backseat ONLY if the car has been pulled over for a violation.

    Those, plus the 16 states.

  • fredalina said:
    missymo said:
    So, what states require it, ladies??  Gah! The chart makes it seem like none, but the text says several do.  I am so confused.  I guess I am a complete failure at reading charts.  That is really not a surprise, actually.  
    I worry more about the safety of all the passengers in my car than the law.  I DGAF if the state requires it or not, everyone wears a seat belt.  Do you not require seat belts for adults in your car?  Is that why you're so intent on getting to the bottom of what the law requires for adults?  Not trying to be snarky, but getting ticket should be the least of your worries on this topic.  A passenger in the back seat flying through the windshield and breaking the driver's neck on the way out should be way more of a concern.
    Not missymo, but I've not actually had this problem since college. Everyone I know buckles up. In college I just left it figuring it's their head.
    I had to work on it with my dad for a while.  He was never a butt about it, I just had to remind him.  He never wore his seat belt while I was growing up.  I got in the habit when I started driving in HS.  FIL also never wore his so we have to remind him.  I don't know why people resist it.  I feel so uncomfortable without one on, like when riding on a bus.  
    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • MrsL1012 said:
    @missymo

    Rear Seats: In 16 of these states, D.C., Guam and the Northern Mariana Islands, rear seats are also primary enforcement. In 4 of these states, rear seats are secondary. The remaining 13 and the Virgin Islands have no belt requirement for adults in rear seats

    Only those will ticket you if someone in the rear seat isn't wearing a seatbelt...the other 4 are NJ, NC, DE and KS--they will ticket adults not wearing seatbelts in the backseat ONLY if the car has been pulled over for a violation.
    Those, plus the 16 states.

    Um no--3 states DO and they are highlighted above...the remaining 13 HAVE NO LAWS.

    13+3=16

    You're welcome.

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  • MrsL1012 said:
    @missymo

    Rear Seats: In 16 of these states, D.C., Guam and the Northern Mariana Islands, rear seats are also primary enforcement. In 4 of these states, rear seats are secondary. The remaining 13 and the Virgin Islands have no belt requirement for adults in rear seats

    Only those will ticket you if someone in the rear seat isn't wearing a seatbelt...the other 4 are NJ, NC, DE and KS--they will ticket adults not wearing seatbelts in the backseat ONLY if the car has been pulled over for a violation.
    Those, plus the 16 states.
    Who has looked at this fucking chart? Seriously...I read the text.  Then I looked at the chart.  The chart does not list 16 states that require adults to wear seat belts in rear seats, so I don't know where on earth you are getting that from.  



    image
    C is 3 years old

  • If you are in my car, you wear a seatbelt or get out. If you want to risk serious and unnecessary injury, take your own car, but I will not be liable for it. End of story.

    I'd have your DH present this to her. It shouldn't be this complicated.

    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/1e/60/2a/1e602a4261a90b9c761ebe748b780318.jpg    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/47/2c/07/472c076006afed606241716dd0db828a.jpg 
  • missymomissymo member
    edited August 2013
    That's neat that you don't actually care what the law is @izzourclue.  You are welcome to do things however you want. 

    I, however, like to deal with facts and figures, and my curiosity has been engaged on the subject of rear seat belt requirements for adults.   I am embarrassed that I cannot seem to figure out what states require this, even though it has been insisted that several do.  

    ETA: I can see that Guam requires it for all positions.  But that's all I got, people.  

    image
    C is 3 years old


  • MrsL1012 said:

    @missymo

    Rear Seats: In 16 of these states, D.C., Guam and the
    Northern Mariana Islands
    , rear seats are also primary enforcement. In 4
    of these states, rear seats are secondary. The remaining 13 and the
    Virgin Islands have no belt requirement for adults in rear seats


    Only those will ticket you if someone in the rear seat isn't wearing a seatbelt...the other 4 are NJ, NC, DE and KS--they will ticket adults not wearing seatbelts in the backseat ONLY if the car has been pulled over for a violation.

    Those, plus the 16 states.

    Um no--3 states DO and they are highlighted above...the remaining 13 HAVE NO LAWS.

    13+3=16

    You're welcome.




    Perhaps you should look at the entire original reference:

    33 states, the District of Columbia, American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands have primary seat belt laws for front seat occupants.

    Rear Seats: In 16 of these states, D.C., Guam and the Northern Mariana Islands, rear seats are also primary enforcement. In 4 of these states, rear seats are secondary. The remaining 13 and the Virgin Islands have no belt requirement for adults in rear seats.

    "16 of these states" refers to the original 33 which have primary laws for front seat passengers. 16 states AND DC AND Guam AND the Northern Mariana Islands have primary laws for rear seats as well.

    It is poorly written and the chart is confusing which is why I recommend checking the website for the specific state you're interested in.

    *You're* welcome.
  • missymo said:


    MrsL1012 said:

    @missymo

    Rear Seats: In 16 of these states, D.C., Guam and the
    Northern Mariana Islands
    , rear seats are also primary enforcement. In 4
    of these states, rear seats are secondary. The remaining 13 and the
    Virgin Islands have no belt requirement for adults in rear seats

    Only those will ticket you if someone in the rear seat isn't wearing a seatbelt...the other 4 are NJ, NC, DE and KS--they will ticket adults not wearing seatbelts in the backseat ONLY if the car has been pulled over for a violation.

    Those, plus the 16 states.


    Who has looked at this fucking chart? Seriously...I read the text.  Then I looked at the chart.  The chart does not list 16 states that require adults to wear seat belts in rear seats, so I don't know where on earth you are getting that from.  




    Are you reading < and > correctly? < = less than, > = greater than. As I see it the chart is correct formthenstates I've looked up, but it is really poorly structured.

  • I think I'm neat.
    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • Oh lord.  I am dropping this.  I am sure there are states that require it.  I am sure it is listed on that fucking chart.  I am sure I am deficient at reading charts.  This is not surprising to me.  

    I will just continue on in a state of ignorance about the rear seat belt laws that affect adults. No big. 

    image
    C is 3 years old

  • According to the text, only 10 states have now laws regarding adults in the back seat, regardless of whether it is primary or secondary enforcement.
  • LOL In my haste to correct you MrsL I misread--so I did state that wrong before.

    When you read the charts, it states the laws PERTAIN TO CHILDREN UNDER 18. 16 states have primary enforcement for UNDER 18. 

    So not your MIL.

    You're still welcome to use your legality argument but its still WRONG.
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  • States that require adult rear passengers to wear seatbelts, according to that chart:

    Alaska, California, Delaware, DC, Hawaii, Idaho, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland (as of 10/1/13), Massachusetts, Minnesota, Montana, Nevada, New Jersey, New Mexico, North Carolina, Oregon, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Washington, Wisconsin, Wyoming
  • And I'm just over here in WA state thinking, seat belt laws everywhere else are weird. The idea of not enforcing for the back seat does not make sense to me.
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  • LOL In my haste to correct you MrsL I misread--so I did state that wrong before.

    When you read the charts, it states the laws PERTAIN TO CHILDREN UNDER 18. 16 states have primary enforcement for UNDER 18. 

    So not your MIL.

    You're still welcome to use your legality argument but its still WRONG.

    I think you need to go back to elementary school math and learn the "greater" than and "less than" symbols. You seem to need to be right so go right ahead with whatever you believe, but according to the chart, the text above, AND the government websites of the individual states, many areas have laws that include adult passengers.

    Aside from the legal issue, in my car everyone wears a seatbelt. Period.

  • It's the law here that all passengers wear a seatbelt, so I wouldn't hesitate to say, "buckle up or get out of my car". Even if it wasn't a law, I'd still insist on it. I really didn't know that there were grown adults who refused to put on a seatbelt, though.

    In your case, I wouldn't send an email and I wouldn't make a power struggle out of it (like sitting in the driveway until she finally decides to do it). I would simply tell her that you will not drive with passengers who are not wearing a seatbelt so it she refuses, she'll need to find her own way.
    image


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  • And I'm just over here in WA state thinking, seat belt laws everywhere else are weird. The idea of not enforcing for the back seat does not make sense to me.

    I know for CA all people over 16 in any part if the car have to have a seatbelt on. As someone that reads police reports and files criminal charges, I know adults in the back can get ticketed. It rarely happens. The law is different for kids and the adult drivers get in trouble for non belted kids.

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  • caladpi02 said:

    And I'm just over here in WA state thinking, seat belt laws everywhere else are weird. The idea of not enforcing for the back seat does not make sense to me.

    I know for CA all people over 16 in any part if the car have to have a seatbelt on. As someone that reads police reports and files criminal charges, I know adults in the back can get ticketed. It rarely happens. The law is different for kids and the adult drivers get in trouble for non belted kids.

    Yeah I didn't even look at the chart, but we have pretty strict laws here that I don't even understand an adult straight up refusing to buckle up. It just does not compute.
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  • IDGAF what the law is if you're in my car you need to wear a seat belt.  In an accident an unbelted person can become a projectile that can injure or even kill other people in the car. 
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  • Day of trip have your Dh say "mom, can you buckle up please?" If she refuses, Dh says "It's important to us that everyone is buckled in. Please respect our rules." If she refuses again chime in: "would you be happier to buckle up while riding in the front seat? I will gladly switch with you, but the car won't be moving until your seat belt is on." No need to give reasons, stats, etc bc all that does is obviously open it up to conversation and allow her to knit pick.
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