Having some doubts and fears..
bellanella3
member
Hi all!
It's nice coming from theknot.com to thebump.com! We were married June 22, 2013 and we have babies on the brain! My husband will be 37 this December and I will be 30 in November. While we would love to hold off and enjoy married life for a few years, we also do not want to wait for a variety of reasons (age, siblings have young children, our parents are getting older, etc).
The past few months, I couldnt wait until we were married and I could get off the pill. Now that I am off, I'm starting to worry. My brother has identical twin girls that are 14 months. They are the cutest babies and we love them to death. However, it seems that everytime I babysit or am with them for long periods of time, I start questioning if this is what I want? The life change, the "me time" totally gone, the stress it could place on our marriage, or the time it takes away from us. I worry if i can handle it all. I am a good aunt, and i think I'll be a good mom, but I'm scared of everything that comes with it. I know all the moms i talk to say it will be tough, it will be hard but at the end of it all, it was the best choice i made. So maybe when the time comes, you just learn to go with it? Or is the way I feel a sign I shouldnt be a parent? My husband is on board and wants a family but he even feels the way i do at times, moreso about the impact it will have on us. Any advice or suggestions?! Aplogize for posting on multiple boards (just trying to find the right one!) Thanks!!
Re: Having some doubts and fears..
If you're both ready, go for it. If people avoided having kids because they were scared, no one would ever do it.
But If you need more time, take it. Once they're here it's game over.
My 4 Angel Babies.....
MC#1- 12/2008, MC#2- 05/2009, MC#3 07/2009, MC#4 11/2009
Training to become an IBCLC. BF Questions? Just ask!
It's normal to have fears and a little uncertainty, because it is a whole new world that you cant know until you're actually there -- I agree with the PP who said other people's kids arent a good way to gauge for sure if it's what you want...it is different when it's your own
I was in the same boat as you, with similar fears. When I got pregnant it actually wasnt planned. I was off the pill because we were thinking of trying SOON and I wanted my body to regulate, but we were still using other methods of BC ...and it's funny because the month I got pregnant I had actually told my H that I wanted to put it off another year because I wasnt sure we were ready yet (really I just kept getting cold feet, with similar fears you had)....so .. you can imagine how surprised I was when apparently an oops happened and I tested positive later that month!
Now that it's happened, I do not regret it one bit! The amount of love you feel for your own child is so powerful it practically hurts, and it cannot be imagined until you're actually in that position. Is it hard? YES... can it be frustrating sometimes not to have the same freedoms you once did -- Of course. But is it ultimately worth it? Yes times a million... I wouldnt trade my son for anything
If you want children and you feel like you're both emotionally ready to settle down and give yourself to a child -- go for it... and it's OK to be nervous and be afraid of the unknown...You will figure it out and it will be Ok!
If you are having REAL doubts and need some more time ...that's OK too! Enjoy married life for awhile, because I wont sugar coat it -- it is tough, especially while you're getting the hang of things in the very beginning and you need a good solid relationship with your husband
Either way -- best of luck to you!!
I would be concerned if you weren't having any doubts or fears. Becoming a parent IS scary.
I was straight up terrified, almost paralyzed with fear and completely overwhelmed the first 4-6 weeks of my daughter's life. But each day, I figured something else out and it got easier and I relaxed. I think that's pretty typical.
Anyone that thinks they are "ready" to have children (like I did-- H and I were married almost 4 years at the time, in our early 30s, both employed, had spare bedrooms etc) is in for a shock.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
My point is, I think it will be scary even if you are 100 percent ready. But if you decide together that you want a family, in your own time, you won't regret it.
FWIW , were married 3 years when ds was born together 10 years total.