WDPT?
acaudill75
member
I have a cousin whose wife had an uneventful pregnancy. Everything was fine until delivery, when sh*t went down. Baby was deprived of oxygen and mom had a hysterectomy and was put into a medical coma. Neither was supposed to make it. Mom made a full recovery, sans uterus, but LO is pretty much a six week old, forever. She is now past 4 yrs old. Mom has two 24 hour nurses as well as herself (she quit her job as a lawyer) to care for LO. I never got the full explanation of why this happened, and never felt like it would be appropriate to ask.
My cousin told me that the drs were able to save her ovarian tissue and extract eggs (who knew that was possible during an emergency hysterectomy), and they implanted an embryo into a surrogate. They are having another little girl. While I am excited for them, since they wanted the "normal" parent experience, they also said that now they can rest easy knowing that this new baby will be able to care for her sister when they are gone.
My question? What do people think about having babies to harvest organs for, or in this case, to care for, a disabled older sibling. I know its not the only reason they are having another baby, but they made it clear that it was a major reason.
Either way, I am happy they were able to achieve this dream of theirs.
Re: WDPT?
But do you think that the younger DD will harbor resentment at having this duty placed upon practically from birth? Not that she will have to care for her sister from birth, but that is the expectation for her later in life?
That sounds like a lot of pressure to put on a child that isn't even born yet.
At the same time, I think if it was phrased more as "DD1 will never be alone/always have family", that sounds a bit better. I'm more comfortable with it if it's framed as having more family and love than an obligation for the second child to take care of their older, disabled sibling.
Yeah, sometimes I type directly from my brain to the screen without thinking how it sounds out loud.
On that topic, we did cord blood for DD1 and cord blood plus the actual cord for DD2. The girls can use each other's blood and tissue. This I have no problem with and am glad the technology exists. Having another child to help save one that is sick seems noble on one hand, but kind of crappy for the child being born. Welcome to the world, can I take your kidney?
I knock on wood a million times that I am not in their shoes.
Not in this country.
ETA. What I meant was babies that were conceived for the sole purpose of saving or prolonging the life of an already living, but critically ill child. Like I replied to HE, my stream of thought tends to non-PC, and there are times I forget to clean it up before hitting post.
I think that most parents do have the care of a disabled child factored into estate, wills, trusts, etc. For many parents I know, it's more about the disabled child having an advocate that loves them and is family, not necessarily full time care.
My older DD was born with a brain injury and while in the moment, you don't even know how you will make it through tomorrow let alone anything else. Unless you have lived through it, you have no clue.
I have a miracle in my DD in that she is basically fine and developing totally normally other than some minor things that will be nothing in the big picture (she will need some extra help in school but that is it).
DH and I always knew we wanted 2 kids but the question was always how we would have that second child after the experience we had the 1st time around. We went ahead and had another child ourselves and my OB treated me as high risk and I was watched very closely and DD #2 did not experience anything like her sister (cause of injury is unknown but not due to labor, happened during the end of my pregnancy).
If DD#1 was going to need help to liver her life, I would still have had a second child. I always wanted my kids to have a sibling, even though they will both be able to take care of themselves, it is great to know that someone else will be there for them when my DH and I are no longer here. For your cousin, I am sure they will do all they can to make sure their oldest is taken care of and not have that child be a burden to her sibling, it sure must be great for them to know that their oldest child will always have someone that loves them and cares for them and will visit and all that stuff.