How to deal with pregnant friends...

Dixon813 · July 2013

Close friends, who have struggled with infertility, are pregnant. We've known this since right before we lost our babies (they told us privately that IVF worked) but they just announced on facebook, so now the world knows.

I'm not sure if I'm having a difficult time handling that they're pregnant or if it's the way they announced. They had a picture that says "And then there were three"...and I know that that means the two of them and their baby, but for a moment I thought "they're having triplets?!?!?!" And I got very sad and angry - WE were having triplets - not them! Even though that isn't what they're saying, I was still hurt!

I know I shouldn't feel this way - I don't WANT to feel this way - but I don't know how to be happy for them right now...

On the positive side, I've finally called a therapist today. Thanks for letting me vent...

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · July 2013

***SIGGY WARNING******

Big hugs sweetie. Finding out others are pregnant, regardless of the situation is difficult. It's ok to not be happy for them now. It's definitely scary when you start having thoughts you normally wouldn't have but when it comes down to it, you have to do what's best for you and there's no rule that says you have to be happy for anyone.

bunnybun4 · July 2013

I think we have all been in your place...and I for one still struggle with this A LOT. One of DH's friends and his wife had an etopic when we lost bunny so we kind of all grieved together...they also had a lot of trouble getting pregnant in the first place...they called last week to tell us that they were pregnant and due when my most recent loss would be due. UGHHH....needless to say I ugly cried for about 2 hours in the dark. I hate not being happy for people but it just makes me want to scream. I guess when it comes down to it I just don't understand why our good news hasn't happened yet.

Good for you on calling a therapist...mine has helped me sooooo much.

((HUGS))

Dixon813 · July 2013

Thanks, ladies. And sorry for posting about a topic that has already been posted about so much - just needed a place to vent.

It's just so hard because I WANT to be happy for them. I also want to be happy for my cousin who just had her twins that while they came early, are doing fine! (we were pregnant together and due around the same time...) but I think I'm going to have to take them off my newsfeed on facebook because I'm not sure I can stand the constant updates on the babies and the pregnancy.

Dixon813 · July 2013

mrsgerman:
Dixon813:
Thanks, ladies. And sorry for posting about a topic that has already been posted about so much - just needed a place to vent.
It's just so hard because I WANT to be happy for them. I also want to be happy for my cousin who just had her twins that while they came early, are doing fine! (we were pregnant together and due around the same time...) but I think I'm going to have to take them off my newsfeed on facebook because I'm not sure I can stand the constant updates on the babies and the pregnancy.

I've deleted quite a bit of people recently who I never thought I would have deleted before mainly because I can't handle the kid or pregnancy updates.

So I'm not crazy/the only one if I block their posts!

jess123456 · July 2013

Big hugs to you. You are soooo not alone in feeling this way. I also ugly cried in the bathroom yesterday because my husband told me that someone we know is expecting. This has been going on for years with this kind of news so I am not sure why it just doesn't get any easier but it really doesn't. It is exhausting being happy for others all the time and so sad for yourself. Please don't for one minute feel guilty for feeling this way. It is totally normal.

shandorfml2 · July 2013

Many hugs..that is so hard

hoho0229 · July 2013

i have a real hard time with pregnancy complains...like "oh i have cankles today or heartburn" meanwhile ive been through hell and back dealing with a loss and you are complaining about minor inconveniences? i would trade all the cankles in the world to have my baby back

hopefulmom88 · July 2013

((Hugs)) I've had a hard time with this also. Hopefully it will get better with time. But for now I pretty much never go on facebook because it seems like all my friends are at that age where they are starting to have babies and EVERYONE seems like they are pregnant or giving birth.

JessicaG220 · July 2013

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I understand wanting to be happy for them, but at the same time being insanely jealous of their pregnancy. But it's really ok to distance yourself! I am dealing with a similar situation. I've mentioned this in prior posts, but my co-worker (due 3 weeks after I was) had her daughter last Friday and all I've heard at work is updates on her. She is one of my best friends, but I can't handle listening to it. The constant FB posts from her and others posting on her wall are killing me. I know she understands it's hard for me and I know she knows why I haven't been in touch with her more. I was there for her during her entire pregnancy and showed SO much support, but now that her daughter is here, I can't do it anymore. I'm so painfully jealous of her healthy, living, breathing baby GIRL. I'm supposed to have a girl, too. And I also can't stand the Kate Middleton news, just another woman pregnant when I was. You do what's best for YOU, and no one else. You deserve to be happy! These people have enough love and support in their lives, and they understand why we can't be there for them. xo Lots of hugs!

How to deal with pregnant friends...

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