Worth the "friendship"?
Hi Ladies,
I am 8 weeks pregnant with twins after a 5 year journey with infertility. Of course, I am overjoyed beyond belief!! While I am not completely naive to the risks I face, I have a friend who seems to want to keep focusing on the negative, talking about miscarriage and asking me things like, "Did your doctor say what the miscarriage rate is with twins? Is it higher?". This friend is someone who I became friends with by default because she is married to my husband's friend. They got married after us and she just gave birth to her third child. I have never been jealous, just wanted respect as any friend would going through the pain of infertility.
We had a falling out for several months while she was pregnant this past time because she was seriously considering the name I'd told her many times I was saving for my baby one day. Her reaction was that I needed to get over it, that I couldn't tell her what she could name her child. Although she always claims to be such a good friend, in this case, there was no true compassion for what I have gone through or understanding of how much the name meant to me. She said she didn't remember me telling her all those times... Maybe she just doesn't listen. I have many times felt the relationship was one-sided and she was just using me to be a busy body.
I find it interesting that I got pregnant while our friendship was on hiatus. We just recently are back in each others lives. But now I'm feeling her negative force on me again and am wondering whether I just need to call her out next time she starts up or if I am better off without her in my life altogether...
Opinions??
p.s. my husband can't stand her and doesn't think we should go out of our way anymore to be friends with them as they are so negative and toxic.
Re: Worth the "friendship"?
Unexplained Infertility
After two Clomid cycles, three injectable IUI cycles, two IVFs, two miscarriages, and one lap surgery, IVF #2 has brought us our little boy!
TTC #2
After months of being postponed or cancelled, FET #1.3 (Natural FET) brought us twin girls!
This!
Me:34 Type 1 Diabetes, Ankylosing Spondylitis, Hypothyroid DH:35 Perfect
DX: Unexplained IF
Many IUI's with various meds all BFFN
IVF #1 11/11 canceled due to OHSS
IVF #2 Feb/March 2012 ET of 2 on day 3 4/7 BFP! 5/1 u/s blighted ovum
IVF #3 July 2012 ET of 3 on day 3 7/24 BFP!
Healthy baby girl born at 36w4d on 3/9/13
TTC#3
IVF #5 June 2018- PGS planned, no surviving embryos
IVF #6 August 2018- ET of 2 on day 3 - Chemical pregnancy
IVF #7 August 2019-....?
This! You will also find that once you have kids, it is easier to end friendships you don't enjoy. You will also make new friends with people that have similar aged kids or other multiple moms. Good luck! No need to officially tell her it is over, just fade away.
And congrats on your pregnancy!
Me-36, Unexplained Infertility, DH-35, all clear
Clomid 50mg 12/2011 = BFN
Clomid 100mg 1/2012 = BFN, with Cyst
IVF #1 Lupron/Menopur/Gonal-f/HCG Trigger
ER 4/19/12 = 11 retrieved, 6 fertilized,
ET 4/22/12 = 2 transfered (day 3), remaining 3 weren't good enough to freeze
Beta 5/3 = BFP, 87 Beta #2 5/7 560.9 Beta #3 5/9 1376.5 First u/s One Baby, 125bpm!
Second u/s, 176bmp! Kicked over to the OB by the RE at 8w. Team Green!!
I totally think, as others have mentioned, that you've answered your own question. If your DH doesn't even want to hang out with his friend (her husband) anymore, why would you waste your time with them?
If they are negative and/or don't really respect you as people, I say keep your distance and focus on other things, like the fact that you are doing great so far in your pregnancy! Since there was never a really deep bond or connection with them, why waste time to foster a relationship that they act as if they don't even care about?
Me: PCOS DH: Low everything (MFI)
Clomid with TI x 3 2010 BFN
Clomid+IUI+Ovidrel 2010 BFN
IVF w/ICSI #1 2011
9/8/11 Beta #1: 2082!! 9/19/11 Beta#2 34,689!! U/S 9/22/11 HR 127! 11/8/11 HR 150! 12/6/11 HR 136! 12/14/11 HR 139! Born at 26w2d on 2/4/2012! After 83 days in the NICU, Adalyn came home on 4/26/12!
FET 1 3/2013 BFN
FET 2 5/2013 BFN
Cut her loose!
Seriously, though, I would not make a point of "ending the friendship" or make big dramatics about it, but I would just slowly phase her out of my life as much as possible. If you see her in a social setting, be friendly and nice, but I would not make a point to be good friends with her.
As for the name situation, I know how you feel as I had a coworker pretty much do the exact same thing to me...but, at the end of the day, no one owns a name and you can still use it if you want to. Besides, if she isn't really in your life anymore, who cares if your kids have the same name?
2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014
May 2014 January Siggy Challenge: