August 2013 Moms
WildRumpus
member
FTMs: 1+1=3
WildRumpus
member
A question for my FTM's (or STMs, feel free to answer!)
Are you worried/nervous about the equation changing from just the two of you to the three of you? I'm obviously so, so excited to meet this little guy, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about how it's going to change my relationship with DH. We've been married for 2 years, together for 9 1/2...it's going to be so strange to have someone else added into the mix!
Ezra James 08/22/2013 
Nora Grace Due 12/26/2016
Two Angel Babies
07/03/2012
08/08/2015
"If you're still my small babe
or you're all the way grown,
my promise to you
is you're never alone.
You are my angel, my darling,
my star...and my love will find you,
wherever you are."
Nora Grace Due 12/26/2016
Two Angel Babies
07/03/2012
08/08/2015
"If you're still my small babe
or you're all the way grown,
my promise to you
is you're never alone.
You are my angel, my darling,
my star...and my love will find you,
wherever you are."
This discussion has been closed.
Re: FTMs: 1+1=3
I have nervous breakdowns about this. We've been married two and a half years, together 4.
I just love him so much and it's always just been "us".
Flame away, but after LO arrives, I'm still planning to put our relationship first. I know kids take over your life, but they don't have to ruin a relationship. We'll be doing everything we can to keep our close connection and not grow resentful of each other. We've seen it happen to too many people once they start making babies. We'll do our best.
Not really. We are coming up on ten years, I'm actually a little sick of it being just us, we need this baby to shake up our routine, we are way too stale.
What I am concerned about is changing my daily habits from just me to me and babe. I'm such a tv/internet junkie and I usually bum around all morning and run my errands in the afternoon. It's going to take a lot of getting used to, but I'm looking forward to being more productive. In my mom fantasies, I'm totally on top of everything, home-cooked meals, sparkling clean house, fun activities with the kids, etc.
BFP #1 mm/c at 12w1d
I don't think putting your relationship first is a bad thing. You need the strong bond/love between the two of you first. I think it'll only help your relationship with your children. A strong marriage/union is a great thing.
Not sure if I worded all of that the way I have it in my head... Darn pregnancy brain
I understand what you're saying. By having a strong relationship, hopefully that extends into being a more stable, secure family for our future daughter. This is my thought as well.
So, while we planned this pregnancy and went through fertility treatments, it still makes me wonder how this will change everything! No more spontaneous plans or late nights with friends.
Looking forward to family life, but also wondering how we will adjust.
all of this!
I wasn't worried about it while I was pregnant with DD, but we definitely had to go through an adjustment period. Part of it was the whole lack of sleep/dealing with a high strung baby and part of it was everything with DH's dysfunctional family coming to a head.
I'm more worried this time and mostly in regards to how DD is going to adjust. I'm also praying to God that this LO is nothing like DD was as an infant!
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
DH and I have been together for 9 years, married for 6.5 years. Its been just us for so long, not sure how this is going to work.
I am not really worried or nervous. Definitely excited for the changes. We have been married almost 2 and together for almost 9 years. So this is definitely the next big thing for us.
It's going to be different and quite the adjustment but I am pumped. Once we find the groove and get into routine I will definitely push for date nights, etc. so we don't lose those "us" moments.
I agree with all of this. I feel closer to my husband (married 5 years, together 7) now more than ever. Putting our relationship first (within reason) will only strengthen the bond of the whole family.
No. Not really. I think LO will add so much joy/crazy/amazement to our family. I don't see her as holding us back in fun/excitement in our relationship, I just see her as bringing us to the next level in our lives (as parents!!!!), which is so beautiful. Can't wait!
this. This is probably the only thing I worry about. My family has been such a complete nightmare during this pregnancy, that my DH and I have decided to distance ourselves tremendously. I just worry about how it's really going to be with them, since they have zero respect for what we want and put their wants in front of everyone else's. ugh.
ETA I'm nervous about how the dynamic will change with another LO... And I'm nervous about giving up the reclaimed relationship, so to speak, but I know it's temporary. BFP smiley.
Definitely nervous/excited. DH and I have been married almost 3 years, together 4.5. His job is very...challenging, in terms of schedule. His days off change monthly and his hours vary day to day so I know that it will take a bit of time to adjust since we never have a regular schedule anyway. I am looking forward to seeing DH as a daddy!
I figure we will adjust as need be but I do plan on working to keep our relationship our first priority. As a child of divorced parents I feel pretty strongly that one of the best things you can do for your children is put time and energy into your relationship with your spouse.
I've definitely been thinking about this. My DH and I actually took a class based on the book And Baby Makes Three by Dr. John Gottman, and while I can't speak to the book, the class was incredibly helpful. DH and I have been married just shy of two years, together for almost five, and friends since high school (so almost fifteen years), so I feel like we actually have pretty good communication/conflict resolution skills, and we've always had a great connection, so I wasn't sure how how helpful the class would be, but we were both really impressed. It sparked a lot of really great discussion, brought up some topics to think about, and gave some great pointers. If the book is anywhere near as good as the class, I highly recommend it (and if your hospital offers the class or one like it, take it!).
One thing the instructor mentioned that I think is really important to remember, is that one of the best things you can do for your child is to have a strong relationship with your spouse. Not only is that child learning from you (how to treat a partner, conflict resolution, division of household labor, etc), but studies have shown that children from households where there is a lot of conflict/arguing/etc between parents have a lot more cortisol (the stress hormone) in their system. They don't heal as fast, they are more likely to get sick and stay sick longer - it actually has a physical effect on their health.
The class goes over common hurdles parents of newborns face, ways to maintain your connection, important things to discuss prior to baby, etc. I really can't recommend it enough, especially if it's something you're nervous about! I know it made us feel a lot better and more prepared!
I would never flame you for this... I feel the exact same way. We both know that we will always been one another's number one...baby is 2nd but it doesn't mean we love him any less. In fact, a strong, happy marriage is a good example for children.
That was one of the hardest things for me to deal with when we brought DS home. DS didn't like being set down, so when we did get two seconds of quiet without a baby in either of our arms, I always hugged hubby a lot because I felt lonely for him... even though I was with him all the time. I missed getting to just sit down and cuddle together on a whim. Maybe it was the hormones, but this set me crying a lot the first two weeks.
However, once we got past the newborn stage and my hormones evened out, all was well. We maintained a balance of cuddle time and taking care of baby time, and now I think it might be boring if it were the two of us again ;-)
And, in my opinion, your relationship with DH should come first. Without making that part of the family unit priority, the child rearing aspect falls apart. After we felt comfortable, we made sure to have a date night out just the two of us at least once a month and make an effort to cuddle/connect every night after DS goes to bed. Adding a kiddo is definitely a change, but everything balances out :-)
Caleb Jonathan
Born November 30, 2011
The Winking of an Eye
A blog about the mommyhood, wifehood and lifehood of a misplaced Minnesotan in SoCal
I thought about this a lot at first, because DH and I have had the best of both worlds throughout our relationship. We have been together for 8 years (married for 3) and have raised my step son together since he was 1 year old. But we always had week about with his mother so 1 week we were parents, and 1 week it was just us. The weeks on our own let us catch up together and reconnect so I had my initial concerns about how we would be without those 'downtime' weeks, especially since we don't have any family around us to provide regular support.
But having spoken about it with my husband, and seeing how excited he is about having our daughter here all the time, instead of being part time parents, I am so much more settled about it all. As my husband explained, it will give us a much more consistent and structured life as a family and, just like we do with my step son, we will always still make our relationship together as important as our relationship with our children. We have always made a point of being open about having 'adult time', not having my step son sleep in our bed and keeping our bedroom for ourselves, asking him to wait if my husband and I are in the middle of speaking, and then stopping to listen to him, and if my husband and I are cuddling on the couch and my step son wants to join in he can cuddle up to one or the other of us, but we don't let him budge his way in the middle. It might sound a little mean, and most of this didn't come into affect until he was a bit older, but it is important for him to know that Dad and Honey (what he has always called me) have a special relationship too and now he often talks to us about how he knows that we really love each other.
My husband and I have been through a lot and always come out the other end with more love and respect than before. This is such an exciting step for us and I just can not WAIT to meet our daughter, and I know that even with all the ups and downs, we will keep growing stronger as a couple, and as a family for all being together.
I always think of this, when I think of the changes to come....