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NBR: Bridal Shower Question

EmJ&BEmJ&B member
in Baby Showers

I am throwing a bridal shower at our church for my sister (slight Bridezilla) in August. Our church (squarely middle class church) tends to have very traditional bridal showers with lots of kitchenware and little ladies gathering to eat cake and talk about their weddings from 1950 something. They are very sweet and actually kind of fun.

My sister and her fianc? registered at a furniture store and a high end department store. This is fine - I'm not judging them for what they want - but the church ladies tend to be much more likely to shop at Target. I tried to give my sister a gentle heads up that they'll likely ignore her registry (which is, of course, absolutely their right to do so).

Problem is, sister would like me to "encourage" the church ladies to either group up to get expensive items off her registry or to just give her money if they don't like the registry. I told my sis that I am not comfortable doing this. I think that people are coming to celebrate and will give what they can. Sister feels that I am not being supportive enough.

Any suggestions for how to handle this? I feel like my sis ought to be appreciative or just not have a church shower. I really don't think it's right to put anything on the invitation directing people where to shop and I'm definitely not going to tell them what to do via a casual conversation after Sunday service . . .

I should note here that my sister has already had one shower (a couples shower thrown by her fianc?'s family) and will be having one thrown by a coworker bridesmaid at her work. I was specifically asked to throw the church shower so moving the venue or changing the guest list isn't an option.

Daniel ~ October 21, 2013
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Re: NBR: Bridal Shower Question

  • BlondieBia21BlondieBia21 member
    There's no polite way to dictate how people spend their money. You did the right thing by saying that you aren't comfortable with it. I would tell her that she should be grateful for what she receives and people are normally good at bringing receipts so if she wants to return items, she can do so then. She should be thankful that you are being supportive by not telling people how to spend their money because that would make her look gift grabby and bridezilla-ey. 
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  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member

    When someone hosts a shower at our church for someone, it usually says somewhere on the invitation "if you would like to contribute to a group gift, please talk to so and so" and lots of people do that because:

    A) it's easier to just give over some cash

    B) Nobody really knows how much you are spending

    C) someone else shops and wraps for you.

     It works out really well.  Others will give stuff that they pick out themselves and it very rarely comes from the registry since we live in a small town. 

     ETA:  Your sister was really rude to request you throw a shower for her. 

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  • FemShepFemShep member
    You've done all you can to steer your sister to the light side.  Tell her that if anyone asks, you'll of course tell them where she's registered and offer other ideas, and do exactly that, but don't volunteer the information in any way and don't do anything other than say, "Grabby is registered at Super$ Furniture and PriceyPoo Department Store, but I'm sure anything you want to give her would be lovely and much appreciated."  I'm not sure what else she could expect you to do, frankly.
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  • ordinary1ordinary1 member
    It was very rude of her to tell you to throw a shower. Personally, if it were my sister, I would say not everyone gets a shower. It is a gift not a right and if you can't appreciate what is offered, then you don't deserve one. Also a registry is a suggestion list not a list of demands.
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  • Michelle NMichelle N member

    Maybe I'm getting lazy and finding ways to avoid stress this late in my pregnancy.. but just tell her you'll do it, and don't. She'll never know ;). 

    Part of me thinks this is an answer I wouldn't suggest normally... but oh well!  

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  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member
    imageMichelle N:

    Maybe I'm getting lazy and finding ways to avoid stress this late in my pregnancy.. but just tell her you'll do it, and don't. She'll never know ;). 

    ALong these lines, I was going to say 1- don't bring it up again, and 2- if SHE brings it up, just smile and nod and say "i'll see what I can do!" and then not do anything.

    She sounds a bit entitled, TBH.  You aren't being "supportive" enough because you aren't telling people how to spend their money on her?  Please.  Many people don't get any showers,much less THREE. 

    She's looking the gift horse in the mouth at the moment.

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  • MzCurnett8886MzCurnett8886 member

    I would tell her again that you don't feel comfortable and it's considered rude to tell a guest how to spend money. If that doesn't work then tell her this: "Ya Get What Ya Get and Ya Don't Throw a Fit" if my niece could grasp this concept at 3 why can't adult women? If she persists then I would quietly buy her an Emily Post/Miss Manners book and call it a day.

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  • diamondduck13diamondduck13 member
    imageEastCoastBride:
    imageMichelle N:

    ALong these lines, I was going to say 1- don't bring it up again, and 2- if SHE brings it up, just smile and nod and say "i'll see what I can do!" and then not do anything.

    I'd go with this approach!

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  • EmJ&BEmJ&B member
    Thank you all so much for the feedback. I wanted to throw a very different type of shower but it wasn't really up to me.

    I like the tactic of saying that I'll see what I can do and then just not ...

    imageHabs2Hart:
    When someone hosts a shower at our church for someone, it usually says somewhere on the invitation "if you would like to contribute to a group gift, please talk to so and so" and lots of people do that because:A it's easier to just give over some cashB Nobody really knows how much you are spendingC someone else shops and wraps for you. nbsp;It works out really well. nbsp;Others will give stuff that they pick out themselves and it very rarely comes from the registry since we live in a small town.nbsp;nbsp;ETA: nbsp;Your sister was really rude to request you throw a shower for her.nbsp;

    A group gift that someone else organizes might be a way to go.

    Thanks much!
    Daniel ~ October 21, 2013
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  • theseawordtheseaword member
    I would laugh in my sister's face. She sounds delusional.


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