Dr appt update

firstcomeslove2013 · July 2013

Hey all!

I updated everyone during TTC that we had a dr appointment on Monday. It did not go as well as I had thought it was going to go. Our OBGYN is out of the office she had a baby...of course so we met with a different doctor.

He basically told me that I need to lose weight before he'll let me continue and he doesn't know why the other doctor let me start without losing weight. I wish this conversation had happened last October when we started our TTC process and maybe we could have saved the 3000 we've spent so far...

I have had multiple emotions attached to this meeting but I am not ready to give up yet. C is going to start trying for a while and then I'll jump back in later when the doctor graces me with an okay.

Not too good but we have decided we are warriors and we will make it through!

lbugher · July 2013

Sorry to hear that my doctor advised me to lose some weight, too, but he said 10-20 pounds would be sufficient to reduce my risks of complications (I am about 100 pounds overweight right now).

Certainly, don't give up! And seek another opinion if you need to. Plenty of heavy women get pregnant and have healthy babies. Heck, my old neighbor was as big as me and she had 5 kids while smoking and drinking with each pregnancy. Not that I approve, but I figure if she could do it while abusing her health, then I can while being as healthy as possible.

KH826 · July 2013

I am so sorry to hear that, firstcomeslove, but I am glad to hear that you have your eye on the prize and you two will keep forging on to make your family. Go forth and be warriors!

Do you know when you will start trying with your spouse? Will you use the same doctor?

Can't wait to hear more about your plans!

doodah1013 · July 2013

So... Here is the deal... Like FirstComesLove says, I have now been named the captain of the baby carrying ship. Which is altogether terrifying to me... Let me explain, I am non-gender conformist, and identify as trans. But not F to M, more like F to FM (with no medical intervention). I was not sure I ever wanted to carry a child, but now it seems like this is the course our life is taking and I am just going to roll with it.

That being said, I have always been one of the guys. And I am scared that if I get pregnant, everyone will treat me different. Its so hard to wrap my own head around, and I worry that it will be hard for other people as well. But I think it will be interesting at the very least to open up a dialogue with people about what gender REALLY is, and how some boys can still be boys and have babies.

So... I had my first OBGYN appointment this morning, which wasn't as bad as I thought. They have decided to be more aggressive, because they know A and I have been trying for 6 months. So right out of the gate, we are going to do monitoring and trigger. I go in on Monday for my first monitoring appointment.

So long story short, I am nervous about so many things, and I know A is struggling with not being the first to carry... but this seems to be the way life is taking us right now. So as she said, we have decided that we are warriors, and we can handle whatever life throws at us.

One of the interesting bonuses I have thought of is for the first time, I will be able to shop in the Men's big and tall section... for maternity clothes. That at least, will make me feel a little bit more manly...

mwagner25 · July 2013

I am sure you both are processing quite a bit right now with such a change from your original TTC plans. It seems like you are both handling it well... I am sure you both will have a lot of emotions as the process continues. Keep us updated. I will be thinking about both of you.

mollykelley · July 2013

Thank you firstcomeslove and doodah for sharing your story. This TTC journey can certainly take some twists and turns, and I'm sure it will take time to get used to these proposed changes. My partner also would not be comfortable being pregnant (and now that she will not have to be, nor breastfeed, she has decided to get a breast reduction) - and we decided for me to carry her egg when I had problems. Not sure if this is an option for you. If you do get pregnant, doodah, this will be a journey and you will be supported on the path. All the best to you both!

healz413 · July 2013

Hi firstcomeslove and doodah!

First of all, I'm furious on your behalf about your new doctor's refusal to do fertility stuff with you if you don't lose weight! Will you be changing doctors for doodah's IUIs?

Second, I'm glad that you're figuring out something that you think will work for both of you even if it isn't the ideal situation.

Third, doodah, pregnancy will be an adventure for sure. I'm pretty sure that when I'm pregnant it will screw with me quite a bit in terms of how I'm perceived, what I can wear, how society interacts with me, etc. If you haven't seen this blog post about finding "butch" "maternity" clothing, you might find it interesting-- https://offbeatfamilies.com/2011/05/where-can-butches-find-maternity-clothing. The title uses both the words "butch" and "maternity" but the article itself is much more inclusive.

I don't know how many butch, trans*, genderqueer, masculine, etc. folks on this board are trying to get pregnant or are currently pregnant, but maybe at some point it will be enough folks that it makes sense to do a semi-regular check-in about gender and pregnancy/parenting... I think there's actually a lot more gender queerness among us (even among regular posters and/or their partners) than an outsider might assume given how freely the term "ladies" is thrown around on the board. A semi-regular check-in might be nice.

mollykelley · July 2013

healz413:
I think there's actually a lot more gender queerness among us (even among regular posters and/or their partners) than an outsider might assume given how freely the term "ladies" is thrown around on the board.

I've tried to stop doing this realizing that I have in the past, and knowing that if my wife were on here she probably wouldn't like it. I feel like you keep me in check, Healz!

healz413 · July 2013

mollykelley:
healz413:
I think there's actually a lot more gender queerness among us (even among regular posters and/or their partners) than an outsider might assume given how freely the term "ladies" is thrown around on the board.
I've tried to stop doing this realizing that I have in the past, and knowing that if my wife were on here she probably wouldn't like it. I feel like you keep me in check, Healz!

Thanks, MK. I really appreciate that. I have been thinking about how I might mention something on the board in a way in which it didn't come across as calling anyone out. I totally understand the affectionate use of "ladies." As someone who isn't lady-identified, though, I notice it every time and imagine other non-lady folk might too.

ATXmommas · July 2013

Firstcomeslove and doodah - I haven't had the chance to interact with you on the boards yet much, but just wanted to throw my support in too. One of the many beautiful things about the queer community is the different ways we create, nurture, and define our relationships and families. Wishing you the best on this journey.

And, healz, I too thank you for pointing out where we can be more inclusive and sensitive. I will strive to be more aware in the future.

firstcomeslove2013 · July 2013

healz413:
mollykelley:
healz413:
I think there's actually a lot more gender queerness among us (even among regular posters and/or their partners) than an outsider might assume given how freely the term "ladies" is thrown around on the board.  
I've tried to stop doing this realizing that I have in the past, and knowing that if my wife were on here she probably wouldn't like it. I feel like you keep me in check, Healz! 
Thanks, MK. I really appreciate that. I have been thinking about how I might mention something on the board in a way in which it didn't come across as calling anyone out. I totally understand the affectionate use of "ladies." As someone who isn't lady-identified, though, I notice it every time and imagine other non-lady folk might too.
 

Let me first say that I truly appreciate everyone's support, comments and well wishes. It is extremely emotional for us right now but the support from this group is truly amazing. The transition is happening so quickly and that is both wonderful an hard. We will definetly keep everyone posted.

Secondly, let me apologize for my use of the term "ladies". I have NO idea why I chose that term and I am usually really cautious of my gender terms. I will be more aware in the future. I am actually a little embarassed! I run a same sex company and I am usually very inclusive with my language.

healz413 · July 2013

firstcomeslove2013:
healz413:
mollykelley:
healz413:
I think there's actually a lot more gender queerness among us (even among regular posters and/or their partners) than an outsider might assume given how freely the term "ladies" is thrown around on the board.  
I've tried to stop doing this realizing that I have in the past, and knowing that if my wife were on here she probably wouldn't like it. I feel like you keep me in check, Healz! 
Thanks, MK. I really appreciate that. I have been thinking about how I might mention something on the board in a way in which it didn't come across as calling anyone out. I totally understand the affectionate use of "ladies." As someone who isn't lady-identified, though, I notice it every time and imagine other non-lady folk might too.
 

Let me first say that I truly appreciate everyone's support, comments and well wishes. It is extremely emotional for us right now but the support from this group is truly amazing. The transition is happening so quickly and that is both wonderful an hard. We will definetly keep everyone posted.

Secondly, let me apologize for my use of the term "ladies". I have NO idea why I chose that term and I am usually really cautious of my gender terms. I will be more aware in the future. I am actually a little embarassed! I run a same sex company and I am usually very inclusive with my language.

I hope you don't think I was talking about you in particular. I was so outraged by your situation and also excited for you and doodah on your new journey that I forgot you used the term. I was just thinking about gender, pregnancy, and parenting and how often "ladies" comes up in our everyday lives and on this board.
Sending you hugs as you continue to come to terms with all the changes.

firstcomeslove2013 · July 2013

Hey! No way! I didn't think you were directing that at me but C and I were discussing your comment and I looked at the beginning of the thread and realized I had used the word ladies and C said "you never use the word ladies" and we both kind of laughed about it but I did want to jump in. I think we all need to be more careful about our gender language on this board in order to include everyone!

Thanks for the long distance hugs and support...it is as always much appreciated!

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