I guess I spoke too soon about my ILs...
BPer
member
If you remember, my ILs had offered to give H and I our dream lot to build our house on, despite us offering to buy it from them.
We've spent weeks looking at house styles, and floor plans, and finally made our decision last week.
H spent hours customizing the floor plan to accommodate the square footage that we wanted to add, and was really excited to show his dad so that we could get the ball rolling. His dad has a degree in architecture, built ILs house, and has been very vocal as to how upset he was when he wasn't included in the planning of BIL & SIL's house. So, we wanted to make an effort to include him, let him offer input, etc.
Well, he basically blew H off, and asked how we plan to pay for the construction. H said we were taking out a construction mortgage, and his dad was all "You can't factor the cost of land into a construction mortgage" (you can, but H didn't know this at the time).
Of course H was taken aback, being that they had said they would give us the land, but again, offered to buy it outright, and his dad said that they could talk about it some other time.
Basically, they don't think we should build 'yet', so they're using the land as a road block of sorts, and sort of dangling it over our heads. We have no problem paying them what they paid and more for the land, but it seems as though they aren't really even 'offering' that at this point.
H and I are going to start from scratch, and I'm so disappointed and heartbroken. It seems my ILs are only generous and supportive when you're doing exactly what they want.
Sorry for the vent, H is so upset that I can't even talk to him about it at this point and I had to get it out somewhere.
Re: I guess I spoke too soon about my ILs...
H said it seems like they don't want us to spend the money to build a house right now, so they're using the land to control our timetable.
Right, when H was first looking for our house, he could afford the land, but wouldn't have had much leftover for a house, so they bought it.
I guess we're going to see a house tomorrow that I wanted to look at 6 months ago, but H 'hated' it, so we'll see how it goes.
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The only real 'condition' was supposed to be that FIL wanted to review the plans, no problem for us. There's a whole back story with BIL & SIL building a house in which they absolutely refused to show FIL the plans for. Seven years later, when they complain that their dining room isn't wide enough, FIL feels vindicated.
I would have no issue if they wanted to have a say in how & what we build, but controlling when? Unacceptable. We've outgrown our house, and if there's to be a LO #2 in the near future, we need to get started on building.
The only real 'condition' was supposed to be that FIL wanted to review the plans, no problem for us. There's a whole back story with BIL & SIL building a house in which they absolutely refused to show FIL the plans for. Seven years later, when they complain that their dining room isn't wide enough, FIL feels vindicated.
I would have no issue if they wanted to have a say in how & what we build, but controlling when? Unacceptable. We've outgrown our house, and if there's to be a LO #2 in the near future, we need to get started on building.
Wow, that sucks. A lot. I'd tell them straight out that if they don't let you buy the land from them, you both intend to purchase land elsewhere. Screw having them dangle it over you.
ETA: I don't understand why they care when you build a house. As long as you're not hitting them up down the line for things you can't afford, I don't think it's any of their business.
I'm confused. Why did they offer you the land to begin with? What did they expect you to do with it? Pitch a tent on it? Move a house onto it?
I agree with everyone else. Buy your own land, and build your house.
I wouldn't stand for that either. It is one thing to appreciate your FIL's architecture background and want his input in your plans. Quite another for him to demand his input in your family home.