It's your fault (vent)
Rosebean
member
Anytime anything goes wrong with our son (like for example, if he spits up... Heaven forbid)... Or is having a hard time going to bed (yes, if you saw my post below, he is incredibly overtired due to one nap today. We went grocery shopping when he should have been napping and I thought he would fall asleep during it), my husband likes to tell me " it's your fault". He told me it was my fault because I chose to leave the house and grocery shop.... He tells me it is my fault the kid spits up because I don't sit him up long enough after he has eaten.... Or I should have given him a burp cloth and it's my fault there is spit up everywhere because I didn't give him one.... Or it's my fault because I didn't tell him he just ate and didn't burp him enough.... Or what am I thinking putting a long sleeve onesie on him for bed time....
We just had a huge blow up about it. I am DS' primary care giver. I know my son pretty well... And you can't control the price of rice in China any more than you can control a kid with spitting up and I didn't know the poor guy would barely sleep while we were in the store (usually anything on wheels puts him to sleep. And how the h-e- double hockey sticks would I have known he wouldn't nap in his swing when we got home). So it's my fault. I hate it when he says that and how dare he make me feel so low about something that isn't that big of a deal.
Not sure if I will talk to him for the rest of the night... Or the week for that matter..
Re: It's your fault (vent)
Wow. Yeah, I think my DH knows better.
I would be furious if everything was suddenly "my fault". Perhaps your DH needs an entire day alone with the baby? That usually solves a lot when they realize it's much more difficult than they thought! And no phone calls to ask mom questions!
Whoa...that would send me into a fit! lol Hubby has made a few comments of that nature before. He usually gets a death glare, followed by a 'really?'
I like the idea of a day alone for DH and baby
We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013. We love her to pieces.
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.
This.
I also agree with the PP who said you should think about seeking couple's therapy. Him blaming you for something that is so obviously out of your control is very unhealthy. Does he do it in other areas of life, or do you think it's the stress of having a baby?
And FTR, no matter how long we've held my DDs up, they still have massive spit-ups. It happens faster when we lay them down, but holding them up is just prolonging the inevitable.
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
He did end up apologizing... But more about how he reacted and not for saying the "it's your fault" part. I apologized for yelling too. Thankfully, as one PP mentioned, we didn't argue in front of DS as we are aiming to never have blow ups in front of him...for the reason of him ever thinking we are divided. And our blow ups are usually pretty few and far between.
As to the belittling, he never would do it in front of other people, and I call him out on his $hit psychologically pretty well on my own. This really isn't worth couples counselling because when he says these things without thinking it, we usually go through a pattern of me telling him it hurts my feelings, me again repeating myself, then finally flipping out about it (if it really bothers me). Usually, if I flip out about it (as I did today), I aim to make a big impact that he can't ignore. Hope this one did. I told him he needs to take those words out of his vocabulary. I appreciate the opportunity to vent ladies. And thank you for support.
I love this idea.