January 2013 Moms
2u2wow
member
work or SAHM
2u2wow
member
not sure if poll's are working on here or not but i thought i'd ask...
what are you? why? and would you rather be the opposite?
i'm a SAHM
i'm a SAHM because my husband and I want me to be. It's something I believe in and I wouldn't want to have my kids being 'raised' by someone else (total UO i know...i'm sorry if it sounds judgey just my opinion - no judgment at all to those of you who work).
it's hard sometimes doing the day to day but i wouldn't change it for anything.
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Re: work or SAHM
I'm a SAHM but I do have a small online business I run. My mom was and my husband's mom was so we really wanted me to be able to stay home. Somedays I envy working moms...when the dishes are piled high and the baby is crying but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love watching my little guy grow up.
Luckily for our family DH works three 12 hour shifts a week so is home the other four. I get two days off work, so that just leaves one day a week and my MIL covers it.:mobile smiley::
I'm working 24 hrs/week right now, and I'll be picking up a bunch of shifts because my unit is short this summer. I would've loved a minimm of a year off, but I also want to be a home owner. Anyway, it's really tough to rejoin the workforce in my line of work after an extended period of absence.
We're also so lucky because my parents help with LO when I do work.
I work to save for retirement, to save for college, to maintain our lifestyle and to keep our debt low. I work because I love my profession and I have a passion for the work I do.
And my husband and I raise my child, not his teachers...
If you have to follow a statement with "sorry if this sounds judgmental" then maybe it's a statement that shouldn't be made or should be worded differently.
I am a SAHM. My hubs is the bread winner in our family and with what I was making before I got pregnant my paycheck would be going to day care with very little left over. So its a struggle most months to get by, but it beats going to work just to put her in day care. I do think that I will eventually put her in a program to get her to socialize with other kids later on down the road.
I love staying at home and watching my baby grow and do new things. But I have major respect for the working moms out there. It has got to be hard working all day and then coming home to cook, clean and spend time with baby. I know I probably couldn't do it and somewhere along the line something wouldn't get done.
Madison Paige arrived 1/8/2013
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I think being a mom is tough but has its rewards no matter if you work or stay home. I would like to point out that working moms still have to cook and clean too though. For some reason I think some people think we don't lol.
Also I want to point out that as a teacher I am not raising someone's children. They actually have more interaction with their friends than me lol! Props to all moms out there staying home or working our kids totally make life worth living!!
I may look into PT work in the near future...if the pay is worth putting my kid in daycare a ffew days a week.
I'm a working mom who leaves her child to be raised by someone else. Oh wait, no I don't. I work so that we have can pay our mortgage, save for retirement, have disposable income and so that I don't place the entire burden of our livelihood on my husband.
That's not your unpopular opinion, that's you sounding like a total working mom hater and frankly, like a jerk.
When your kids go to school, then what? Are their teachers raising them? No. It's still you. No one else is raising my baby. My husband and I are.
And no, I don't HAVE to work. I chose to.
I have respect for all moms working or SAH, it's a lot of work either way.
I don't know why you would even say that a working mom has someone else raise their kids. That is insulting and nowhere near true. A daycare watches kids, when your kids start school, a teacher will watch and educate. A parent still raises a child working or SAH. Are you the only one in your house that raises your baby? What about your H?
And for what it's worth.. I'm a SAHM. I love being home with my children and am thankful we are in a position that I can.
Someone also asked about Hs being on board and I don't think anyone should ever stay home unless its agreed 100% by both of you. That is when problems arise when your H never wanted them to in the first place.
W : 01.11.13
#3 : due 11.02.15
I'm a SAHM who "places the entire burden of our livelihood on my husband." I love staying at home and so does my husband, he is fine working while I take care of our daughter. I think whatever needs to be done to make sure your child is taken care of is what matters. So you both need to stop being judgmental. We're all mothers trying hard to do what's best for our families.
Well said ;-)
I work FT and actually still raise my kids...
Anyhow, I have a PhD in my field and have an amazing job that I worked hard for. I have flexible hours, excellent pay and benefits, and a family-friendly boss. Dh has the same. Between us both, we work from home 4 days per week and trade off drop-offs/pick-ups for the kiddos at daycare, so they are not there that long. By me working, dh can have a more family friendly job with more time at home. If he were the only earner, he'd need to make more which he easily could, but we'd never see him. That's unfair to him in my opinion. Sure, I'd be home all day with the kids, but when would he see them? As it is now, it's much more 50/50 in our house. Plus, if anything did happen to one of our jobs, I like knowing we'd be ok.
It was very hard leaving them at first to go back to work (and I had 5.5 months home with each), but in a few years they'd both be in school anyway and then what? By working, they will both not have to worry about financial stress, which is very hard on a family.
Yep!
I just feel the need to chime in and point out that being a SAHM, I save us lots of money, which I feel like is "contributing", just in a different way.
We are also in a situation where because I work we get more equal time with our daughter. Also my mil gets to watch her once a week which she loves. My dad worked insane hours so my mom could sah and I think he somewhat regrets that. Also am in a field where it would be difficult to leave and come back.
occasionally I wish I were a SAHM but I'm pretty high energy and DH thinks I would get bored lol. BUT, I do think I would put my energy into being an awesome home room mom, PTO, whatever all that stuff entails. And being SAHM is a TON of work. On my days off I feel like I'm running a leaf blower in a tornado trying to pick everything up while the kids are home. So more power to ya. I'll keep the cleaning lady haha!
Oh, and I make six figures, and we take a bunch of vacations, max out our 401ks, refi'd our mortgage to 15 years....all that grown up responsible stuff. And my kids aren't raised by daycare. I think of it as school from the beginning. We have a daycare at work that rocks and they really are the best of the best. So I have no guilt in having them there. Heck, when I was on maternity leave I still sent DS because he WANTED to go, and it was nice that he could keep his routine and I could chill with DD. And I (gasp!) occasionally still take them on my weekdays off and run errands, catch up on things....maybe even shop or go to the spa.......
And yes, you sound judgey. But I forgive you. I would stay home if I didn't make enough to justify the cost of two daycare tuitions.
I've been both. I worked when my daughter was born and guess what, we still raised her! After my son was born when DD was almost 4 I became a SAHM. The cost of daycare, plus some major changes at my work, and a whole bunch of things factored into the decision. I'm happy at home.
But, since I've done both I feel like I can say...both are hard, both are great, and in both YOU RAISE YOUR OWN CHILDREN. Insinuating that working mom's don't raise their kids is insulting. Not to mention, if the Dad is working...does he not raise the child with the SAHM?
I worked until DD1 was 18 months and now I SAHM because it makes sense logistically for our family. DH works over an hour away and my job was not flexible so I was left doing drop offs, pick ups, and when we had a sick kid it totally threw everything off. We also had little quality time left over and i was a stress bucket. So, we decided I would SAH. It is working great for us. Also, my income was less than 1/3 of DHs so it was a pretty good trade off. A little less money, but now we have more home cooked healthy meals and less stress overall.
FWIW, though, I think DD did just as well, if not better, with our awesome babysitter, and I don't see me SAH as such a great gift to my kids, since a toddler and baby have a way of making me feel like the world's crappiest mom many days, but like I said, it works best for us, and I'm enjoying it most (some?) of the time.
I work because I have to, and probably would even if I didn't have to. But I am fine with other people helping me raise my kids, it takes a village to raise a child and I think it makes them more well-rounded overall.
Violet Mae born 1/15/13
I'm glad you pointed out the "it takes a village" idea. It's hard for me to comment on this as a SAHM because I don't want to offend anyone, but IMO when your LO(s) are regularly in the care of someone else they are helping to raise that child. You're still the parent and that will be more than clear to your LO, you choose the caregiver and you make the major decisions so you're still the one raising them and driving the whole thing, for sure, but that caregiver is also helping to raise them. But there's nothing wrong with that and having a number of people who care about your child and help to guide them into the person they will become is a good thing. It's nothing to feel badly about! It takes a village
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