I'm ready to deck my husband!

JBDamonM · July 2013

Rough week over here.

He's mad at me, I"m mad at him, in a nutshell I think we're both too sleep deprived.

But last night and this morning really has put me over the edge.

Yesterday he left for work at 9 - he had a meeting last night and got home at 10. I was alone with LO for 13 hours (obviously). She slept about 2 hours of that, broken up in small increments. From about 6:00 on she wouldn't let me put her down so I never even got to cook myself dinner.

I talked to him at 8 and asked him to bring he home something to eat. Then I talked to him around 8:45 and told him to forget it as I was super tired and going to bed. He asked me to wait up for him so I did.....Well, wouldn't you know - LO was up FOUR times last night. So I think I slept maybe 5 hours broken up. HE got up with her at 7:15 so I could get a quick nap before he left for work.....and at 7:30 he brought her back to me claiming she was hungry. He took her back 10 min later but she was wide awake and cooed so loudly that I never got back to bed. When I woke up I expressed how tired I was and how hard yesterday was and he got all pissy with me. WTF?

Honestly I can't be all roses and sunshine all the time. I love my daughter more than anything but motherhood is HARD work. I havent slept more than 5.5 hours in almost 4 months, I'm exhausted, almost all the time. I appreciate that he lets me nap in the mornings, but he doesn't understand that this is not the same as sleeping through the night. And furthermore, I think his exhaustion today is from staying up and having a couple of beers when he got home last night. Not my problem. Fine if you want to do that, but understand you may pay the price.

Oh and all of this while I am working from home, so I also have to find time in my day to answer emails and try and stay on top of requests....

My husband has been a GREAT dad. However I feel his support totally went out the window once I went back to work. I feel like he's left me high and dry. And we're fighting all the time b/c I'm not always puppies and rainbows so he gets mad at me for being negative.Work has been hel! since I came back and I'm pretty convinced I am being managed out (we got bought out two years ago and I'm the only one left standing on my team) which upsets me to no end. I bring this up to him and he again gets annoyed with me thinking I"m being dramatic and negative.

I know I'm preaching to the choir on not sleeping and long days.... and I'm not looking for any sympathy - I just needed to vent about my husband.

To add insult to injury; today is our 4 year wedding anniversary. Oh AND I got my freaking period yesterday. second time since baby, and it is ridiculously heavy....

Good times over here, Good times.

Lhyacinth888 · July 2013

Hang in there! In a few months it will get better with LO's sleeping and hopefully so will your relationship with DH. It only lasts a little while and then things get so much better! Once they start sleeping through the night its wonderful. Keep your head up and press through. I hope things get better for you.

lovelyday39 · July 2013

Well, in my line of work (where we work from home), we are required to have daycare for children who are not old enough to care for themselves. It's virtually impossible to do 2 fulltime jobs at the same time.

JBDamonM · July 2013

Lhyacinth888:
Hang in there! In a few months it will get better with LO's sleeping and hopefully so will your relationship with DH. It only lasts a little while and then things get so much better! Once they start sleeping through the night its wonderful. Keep your head up and press through. I hope things get better for you.

Thank you for the great advice.

I think you're spot on. I honestly feel that the issues going on over here are rooted in the fact that we're both burnt out from lack of sleep (even though I get up with her, I know it sometimes wakes him up etc.)......I know it will get better and know it's part of the adjustment to a marriage when you have a kid, but my husband doesn't seem to think said adjustment really exists. I am putting LO in her crib tonight. She's sitll in our room and I have wanted to do this for weeks but he has pushed back. He doesn't get a say in it since I'm the one that wakes up with her every night. I honeslty think it will help things as he will probably start sleeping better himself.

JBDamonM · July 2013

lovelyday39:
Well, in my line of work (where we work from home), we are required to have daycare for children who are not old enough to care for themselves. It's virtually impossible to do 2 fulltime jobs at the same time.

This is only a temporary (2 week) situation. It wasn't supposed to happen as DH was supposed to take time off but he wound up getting a new job somewhat unexpectedly.

I have help on the days I have a lot of conference calls and he will stay with her on Fridays....

I would never be dumb enough to think this could work out full time. It's way too hard.

NicoleSB80 · July 2013

I feel your pain and will vent with you:

DH left yesterday at 6am and had a meeting too so he got home around 7. LO is usually cranky in the evenings and the dogs woke her up from her 6pm nap so she was extra cranky. I attempted to make myself a sandwich for dinner but the ingredients were still all over the counter. I hadn't been able to feed the dogs yet either. DH walks in chit chatting on the phone. I shot him a help look and he walked out of the room and proceeded to talk another 20 minutes.

We also talked about him doing the first morning feed today so I could sleep a while longer (because he has another meeting tonight). Well, he runs our boxer in the am. LO woke up at 530 during his run, I texted DH and got her up and on the breast so she didn't totally melt down. I thought he'd come right back, nope, 20 min later strolled in the with the dog, made himself breakfast, then came and asked me if I needed anything.

And what pisses me off most is anytime people ask he talks about what a great sleeper LO is and how he isn't losing sleep. I want to punch him in the throat and remind him that HE is sleeping great because I'm doing everything in my power to keep LO from waking him because he's working and I'm not. BUT momma needs a few good nights here and there too.

lovelyday39 · July 2013

I'm glad to hear you say that, b/c I see all too many people thinking they are the exception to the rule. Once you can focus on work etc. and have that "break" things should ease up a little.

NicoleSB80 · July 2013

Also, I nearly forgot but DH was sure to wake me up before he left for work - after I got back in bed this morning- to let me know that because I didn't change her diaper LO peed all over herself and he had to clean her up and change her.

JBDamonM · July 2013

NicoleSB80:

I feel your pain and will vent with you:

DH left yesterday at 6am and had a meeting too so he got home around 7.  LO is usually cranky in the evenings and the dogs woke her up from her 6pm nap so she was extra cranky.   I attempted to make myself a sandwich for dinner but the ingredients were still all over the counter.   I hadn't been able to feed the dogs yet either. DH walks in chit chatting on the phone.   I shot him a help look and he walked out of the room and proceeded to talk another 20 minutes.

We also talked about him doing the first morning feed today so I could sleep a while longer (because he has another meeting tonight).    Well, he runs our boxer in the am. LO woke up at 530 during his run, I texted DH and got her up and on the breast so she didn't totally melt down.   I thought he'd come right back, nope, 20 min later strolled in the with the dog, made himself breakfast, then came and asked me if I needed anything.

And what pisses me off most is anytime people ask he talks about what a great sleeper LO is and how he isn't losing sleep.   I want to punch him in the throat and remind him that HE is sleeping great because I'm doing everything in my power to keep LO from waking him because he's working and I'm not. BUT momma needs a few good nights here and there too.

Are we married to the same man?

Last night when DH got home he also proceeded to get on the phone with someone he had just met with and go on for 20 minutes. I actually went to bed in the middle of the conversation b/cI was that tired.... didn't even tell him - just put myself to bed.

And - he's ALWAYS telling people what a good sleeper LO is. My LO is not a horrible sleeper, but seriously he's getting a lot more sleep than I am - that's for sure.

ShellBear+ · July 2013

Oh man that sounds exhausting. I have a good sleeper now but when she was up a lot it was definitely hard. Do not underestimate the power of sleep. This stage won't last forever even though it seems like it. On my DH's days off he would get up with her and let me sleep in. Hang in there!

ShellBear+ · July 2013

JBDamonM:
Lhyacinth888:
Hang in there! In a few months it will get better with LO's sleeping and hopefully so will your relationship with DH. It only lasts a little while and then things get so much better! Once they start sleeping through the night its wonderful. Keep your head up and press through. I hope things get better for you.

Thank you for the great advice.

I think you're spot on. I honestly feel that the issues going on over here are rooted in the fact that we're both burnt out from lack of sleep (even though I get up with her, I know it sometimes wakes him up etc.)......I know it will get better and know it's part of the adjustment to a marriage when you have a kid, but my husband doesn't seem to think said adjustment really exists. I am putting LO in her crib tonight. She's sitll in our room and I have wanted to do this for weeks but he has pushed back. He doesn't get a say in it since I'm the one that wakes up with her every night. I honeslty think it will help things as he will probably start sleeping better himself.

The crib is a great idea. We all sleep better since I moved lo there. I know not everyone agrees but I think the sooner you do that transition the better.

leasaj · July 2013

My hubby works 24 hour shifts so I'm home with no help. He has NEVER gotten up at night! We started putting LO in her own room to sleep and she's been very restless. We have a video monitor so we can see/hear her. Last night he promised me that he would get up if she got restless and it wasn't time for a feeding. Did that happen? NO! She went to bed at 1015, up from 2315, up from 4305, up again at 545. DH gets up at 6 for work so when he got up at 545 I was super excited.....until he went straight to bathroom and started getting ready for work!!! Since she woke him, he just got up and left for work early. Of course he didn't offer to help. And he wonders why I have no interest in sex....I'm exhausted and irritated with him.

JBDamonM · July 2013

leasaj:
My hubby works 24 hour shifts so I'm home with no help. He has NEVER gotten up at night! We started putting LO in her own room to sleep and she's been very restless. We have a video monitor so we can see/hear her. Last night he promised me that he would get up if she got restless and it wasn't time for a feeding. Did that happen? NO! She went to bed at 1015, up from 2315, up from 4305, up again at 545. DH gets up at 6 for work so when he got up at 545 I was super excited.....until he went straight to bathroom and started getting ready for work!!! Since she woke him, he just got up and left for work early. Of course he didn't offer to help. And he wonders why I have no interest in sex....I'm exhausted and irritated with him.

THIS! i also heard about the lack of sex this week.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

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chalima · July 2013

JBDamonM:
leasaj:
My hubby works 24 hour shifts so I'm home with no help. He has NEVER gotten up at night! We started putting LO in her own room to sleep and she's been very restless. We have a video monitor so we can see/hear her. Last night he promised me that he would get up if she got restless and it wasn't time for a feeding. Did that happen? NO! She went to bed at 1015, up from 2315, up from 4305, up again at 545. DH gets up at 6 for work so when he got up at 545 I was super excited.....until he went straight to bathroom and started getting ready for work!!! Since she woke him, he just got up and left for work early. Of course he didn't offer to help. And he wonders why I have no interest in sex....I'm exhausted and irritated with him.

THIS! i also heard about the lack of sex this week.

Universal Law of New Perenthood: neither partner may complain about sex until the end of a 6 month adjustment period.

I should have put that in our marriage vows. I just look at my partner with that "I WILL punch you in the mouth" glare whenever the subject comes up.

He sometimes works late, like until 1am, and inevitably that is the night that lo wants to not sleep. He usually only wakes up once from 6 or 7 pm until 5 am. But as soon as my husband is gone, he's up at 4am instead of 5, or wakes twice in the night.

Last night was the worst, though. When I woke at 5:30 to get ready for work, I could not believe that more than 15 minutes had past since I fell asleep.

He at least helped when he got home, unlike the nights when he's really tired and can't do anything with the baby without me explicitly telling him what to do. Like, it's the same thing every night: Burp him and change his diaper. Put him back to sleep. How is it that you're confused about this? Especially when you get to sleep an extra hour every morning when I leave. GRR.

JBDamonM · July 2013

CoffeeMonster19:

Having a little baby who wakes frequently and eats all day and dealing with PP hormones and exhaustion can be hard on a person and a marriage. I just now feel like I am emerging from that fog myself, I had a rough few weeks of adjusting and trying to get back on the same page with my h.

that being said, do you ask him for specific help? I've learned that it does me no good to hold a grudge against my h for him getting a full nights sleep when I'm up several times a night if I don't actually ask him to get up. The little baby stage can be very much about mommy and baby especially if you're nursing, so sometimes dads don't always know how to help. Finding ways he can specifically lend a hand, and also carving out some time for myself and the two of us during naps on the weekends has helped a ton. Hang in there, and happy anniversary!

I do - I actually asked him to take her at 7:15 this AM so I could get some sleep since I was up ALL night. And he acted annoyed.

He has been GREAT with her - and he still is, but it certainly seems as though since I've gone to work, he's been less tolerant of me - and less patient. Which isn't fair. He completely underestimates how hard it is for me to work with her here.

I know things will get better. She's bound to start sleeping better and she's going to start daycare. However I can't wait for July to be over so we can all adjust to the new routines around here.

I'm ready to deck my husband!

Re: I'm ready to deck my husband!

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