How we've changed...

kateitho · July 2013

Miscarriage is traumatic. It is scary, and it changed me. I'm going to share some ways t changed my life... How did it change yours?

-I'm slower to judge people, because I know that some challenges aren't visible.

-I'm more pensive.

-I I know what real jealousy is.

-I know what real heartache and loss are.

-True fear is a part of my future pregnancy plans.

-I know what is actually important now: my relationships, my home, financial stability, health insurance

-I know that I couldn't live without my DH. He is my rock, and without him, I wouldn't be standing...

katib77 · July 2013

Being on the 3T board for years, I saw many post about their loss. And I always offered sympathy but didn't fully "get it" until I went through it myself. I think I'm much more empathetic now and able to console better because of the shared experience. That said - I do now feel friends that have not gone through it really don't get it even if they say they understand. I know they mean well, but it's truly something you can't understand without having gone through it. Just like I can't understand the depth of late term loss. And others can't understand IF. So I just try to remember everyone is going through their own struggles, and no one really knows how someone is feeling or what they're facing - because everyone's struggles are different.

But sadly, it's also made me more jaded. I used to know there was a chance it might happen, but thought the chances were more slim. Sitting in my RE's office and hearing stats for my age etc made me realize just how likely it is and that has made me a more fearful person.

samjen2010 · July 2013

All of what you said. It's also made me realize that I'm stronger than I thought I was. It's forced me to understand that everyone can't be there for me because they simply don't know how it feels to go through this type of loss. This initially made me angry, but I accept it now and don't hold it against them. It's given me a faith in new virtual friends (you wonderful ladies) who have held me up when I've been at my lowest. That's not something I could have grasped before my loss.

jbasore1123 · July 2013

I'm not going to lie, it has made me more jaded, angry, and jealous. I'm more critical of teen moms or moms that can't afford their kids or seem to pop them out like nobodys business. I'm jealous. It's taken my innocence and naivity away that most women who haven't gone through a loss experience during their pregnancies. Its made me fearful every time I POAS, like this morning. It's made me question what little faith I have had. But the one thing it has given me is more empathy and compassion for couples who struggle conceiving. Honestly, I wish I didn't have to experience that however.

SandSunBliss · July 2013

jbasore1123:
I'm not going to lie, it has made me more jaded, angry, and jealous. I'm more critical of teen moms or moms that can't afford their kids or seem to pop them out like nobodys business. I'm jealous. It's taken my innocence and naivity away that most women who haven't gone through a loss experience during their pregnancies. Its made me fearful every time I POAS, like this morning. It's made me question what little faith I have had. But the one thing it has given me is more empathy and compassion for couples who struggle conceiving. Honestly, I wish I didn't have to experience that however.

All of these things. It has also given me a strong confidence in my capacity to love and a peace that when and if I finally do become a parent, I will be a good one because a care deeply. That is once thing that I worry less about now than before the loss - basically everything else, I worry more about...haha.

kateitho · July 2013

katib77:
So I just try to remember everyone is going through their own struggles, and no one really knows how someone is feeling or what they're facing - because everyone's struggles are different.

This is exactly it...

Heeb918 · July 2013

jbasore1123:
I'm not going to lie, it has made me more jaded, angry, and jealous. I'm more critical of teen moms or moms that can't afford their kids or seem to pop them out like nobodys business. I'm jealous. It's taken my innocence and naivity away that most women who haven't gone through a loss experience during their pregnancies. Its made me fearful every time I POAS, like this morning. It's made me question what little faith I have had. But the one thing it has given me is more empathy and compassion for couples who struggle conceiving. Honestly, I wish I didn't have to experience that however.

I agree with the majority of this. Maybe not so much jaded, as I am still hopeful for the future and excited that it is still possible to have a rainbow. I completely agree with taking the innocence away. I am currently vacationing in Naples, the same spot 7 months ago we were taking pictures of our feet in the sand with teeny flip flops in pink and blue, because we didn't know what we were having yet. It was going to be our announcement photo. Turns out it was the same time I was experiencing miscarriage. We are leaving tomorrow and never went to the beach. I'm not sure if it was because of weather or just sheer chance, but I'm kind of glad because I didn't want to deal with it. Not to mention I had a CP before we came, and brought the flip flops out again because I thought we could take pics with a new due date.

Maybe I should stay away from beaches. My best gf is about to have a baby and she always tells me she is so afraid when/if I get pregnant again I won't be able to enjoy it. I'm right there with her. I'm angry that the happiness will never be there again. I'm so thankful I have a place to talk about these things, though. I love you ladies so much.

shandorfml2 · July 2013

I've changed in so many ways. I've lost my innocence. I'm bitter, jealous and a basketcase sometimes. I now understand why some people use alcohol/drugs to kill the pain, and why someone might choose suicide. But, ....I've changed in good ways as well. I need to choose to focus on these instead:

-I'm a Mother. I may not have my baby in my arms, but she made me a Mom from the second I saw that BFP.

-I love my husband more after my loss. Nothing could ever come between us now.

-My daughter brought so many blessings...9 months of happiness, our families closer together

-Taught me I can love so fiercely....and survive so much pain.

soon2bmrsdaniel · July 2013

I hadn't really looked at this board until the loss and we are trying for a rainbow. I'd known people that have had losses but until I had my own, I never knew what that pain truly felt like.

-I'm jealous in ways I never thought I would be

-I'm stronger than I thought I was

-Never having suffered a loss in my family, this showed me how loss can bring family closer together as well as tear them apart

-I want to be a mother more than I ever thought I did after holding my 2 girls

-My faith has gotten stronger after this loss

-My DH is an amazing man

How we've changed...

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