Anyone NOT sleep training?
musicalmama5
member
I have mixed feelings about sleep training.
Right now, our situation is not too bad. He goes down pretty easy at night. Our bedtime routine is bath, lotion and massage, nurse, crib. Sometimes he falls asleep at the breast, other times not, and it doesn't seem to make much of a difference to him. He wakes 1-4 times at night, which is a little crazy when it's a 4 time night (although, I've noticed that those nights are when I have late rehearsals and his grandma has to put him down and he doesn't really take a bottle very well, so he's probably just legit hungry).
As for naps, I'm finding myself in the camp of "do whatever works". We were doing eat-play-sleep for a long time, and I had figured out how to get him down pretty easily by bouncing/rocking/etc. Then once we got that down, we tried Ferber for about a week. He did pretty well with that, but honestly, I didn't like hearing him cry, even for just the few minutes that he did. And not only that, but I found that during that time, he had a really hard time falling asleep while we were out (in the car, stroller, Ergo, etc.) and I need him to be flexible with where he falls asleep because our lifestyle just calls for that.
So, now that we're officially not Ferbering anymore, he needs more help falling asleep when we're home, but he is able to get good naps while we're out, which I think is more important to me. I mean, a couple days ago, he was chilling in his swing in the front office of our business and he passed out and took an almost 2 hour nap (his normal nap is 45 minutes)! I was thrilled! And he's been sleeping in the car every time we go somewhere instead of crying, which is also fantastic. I just hope I don't end up kicking myself in the future.
Anyone else in this same boat? I hear so much on these boards about sleep training, and I feel like I'm the only one that's not.
Re: Anyone NOT sleep training?
Maybe I don't know what you mean by sleep training? Do you mean CIO? Or getting them on a sleep schedule? Or something else?
For now, I just try to follow his cues. He falls asleep on his own for naps. If he fusses, I go in and give him his paci.
We will do CIO at 6 months, but only to eliminate the MOTN feeding. We didn't do CIO with DS1 for naps or going to bed at night and do not plan on doing it with DS2 for those times either.
We won't at night, but Newbie is a pretty good sleeper. I'm a firm believer in on demand nursing though, so I won't attempt to night wean until around a year. For naps, we might start a little sleep training though. He bedshares at night, but I really need him to sleep somewhere other than ON me for naps. I don't care if there is a schedule, but he needs to sleep in the pnp or a mat or something. We used the sleep lady shuffle with DS1 around 14 mo old, so I might pull that out for naps. I'm not in a huge hurry though.
We aren't sleep training, either. DD hads STTN for a little while now (now she is 19.5w and has STTN for 6ish weeks) and everything started off well with a consistent time of 8:30pm for going down. Now, it's nearing 10 almost every night (for the past week or so) with a super fussy period and she has inconsistent naps during the day.
Im EPing and trying to stay sane through everything, so NOT sleep training has been fine for me. She sleeps a solid 10 hrs (plus or minus an hr or two here and there) and I don't have any complaints. She also falls asleep in the car easily and has at least one decent nap a day.
I try and remind myself that all of these phases will be short lived and she will be a big girl before I know it and she definitely won't be able to nap on my chest anymore. Trying to enjoy it while I can. ??
We're not. My daughter is very easy going and cries very little in a 24hr period (typically maybe 20-30min total). When she cries she is telling us something and we respond.
She is a creature of habit already and puts herself on a routine and tends to stick to it for many weeks. I see no point in trying to change her routine into 'my' routine, Does not seem worth the effort it would take!
I feed on demand, she knows when she is hungry better than I do. She pretty much eats every 2hr round the clock (starting to skip one night feed), she feeds quick with no "hanging out" and at night goes immediately back to sleep.
She's always put herself to sleep and has never needed rocking or walking or anything. I do watch her cues closely and put her down as soon as she shows sign of being ready. She sleeps in baby carrier while out so we have no problem doing things we need/want to do. She'll sleep in the baby carrier while we eat out at restaurants etc.
All that said...she is 4months this week and I see the 4 month wakeful rearing it's head. While I have no plans to start sleep training to do plan to "sleep train myself" and we will likely have to start being more boring for a bit so she is home for more sleeps and so we can be ready to go in and resettle her when she wakes every 15minutes during naps and early evening. While out in the carrier I now have to pay attention a she'll stay awake watching everything then suddenly be overtired and fussing. If I pay attention I can get her asleep in it by blocking out the world and making sure I am walking.
DS has not had any sleep training - we just have used the same routine for awhile. One bad thing is, he still sleeps in bed with me and has a hard time falling asleep in the crib but I will take him sleeping anywhere to be honest.
He goes to bed around 7 pm and sleeps for 3-4 hrs., wakes for feeding and then back down another 3-4 hrs. followed by last feeding before waking at 6 am.
He naps great during the day with for the most part, the same schedule everyday: 1 hr. nap about 2 hrs. after waking, another 1-2 hr. nap around noon, and a final nap for 2-3 hrs. in the afternoon (usually between 2-3).
We have never sleep trained any of our children and it hasn't been a problem. DD1 was by far my best sleeper, DD2 needed some very gentle guidance to get better naps (we used No Cry Nap Solution for ideas and that mostly helped us recognize earlier cues and put her down then instead of after she got overtired. So far DS is sleeping well and doesn't need training.
As far as MOTN feedings, if my baby wakes up hungry I feed them. DD1 stopped needing that at 10w, DD2 was close to a year and right now DS needs it some nights, sleeps through others. All three of them ate quickly and went right back to sleep so it truly was an issue where hunger woke them up. If I woke up truly hungry I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep before eating either, so I won't deny them food. They all outgrow it eventually.
Nope, I don't feel the need. I figure that he is still so young, he's just getting into his own groove, I should be patient. That being said, he is a pretty good sleeper, except for naps.
He usually sleeps from 8ish to 3ish in his crib. Then down again until 6. Drowsy until 7 or 8, then up. He has finally started showing napping patterns but it's totally unreliable. Lately he likes 1 hour naps at 10AM and 4PM, and in-between is just whatever. We haven't even tried putting him down in his crib for them yet.
I'm just not worried about "sleep training".
I'm really happy to hear all these responses! Glad we're not the only non-training ones.
We will not do it--I would not want to be left in a dark room all alone crying and I would not expect my 4.5 month old to want to be treated that way either. Babies wake up during the night, it's what they do. They are BUILT to do it. I think my role as a parent is to adjust my ways (in a reasonable manner) to meet the needs of my infant who is only asking for what they need. Please don't take that as me being the martyr--I'm not. It's just the parenting perspective that makes sense to us. I get up in the middle of the night if my dog needs to go outside. Why wouldn't I do the same for my son?
That being said, I am a working mom, and the prospect of waking up all night long to tend to my baby didn't sound like it would leave me in a state that was productive for my job or for my family. With CIO being an option I simply would not consider, we did take steps that I think helped our baby. At about 6 weeks, we started putting our son down to nap and down for the night drowsy but awake. Sometimes this meant we would rock him until his eyes were starting to roll back in his head and we'd put him down and he'd pop back awake. Sometimes it took 30 minutes to get him to sleep. And that was okay. Daddy put him to bed every night so he was used to different people putting him down. If he fell asleep in our arms or at the breast, we would rouse him enough that his eyes would open for a few seconds and then place him in his rock n play.
I also was scared that he would reverse cycle and increase his MOTN feeds after I returned to work. You know what? He did. You know what? We adjusted by continuing to co-sleep and we all are well-rested. Now those MOTN feeds are my favorites. Since we co-sleep I wake before he gets anywhere close to crying and he falls right back to sleep, and so do I.
Sometimes he is wide awake at 3 AM because he busted an arm out of his swaddle. We lay there and he babbles and chews on his foot for 45 minutes and then he goes back to sleep. I've even learned to love these baby parties. I am an adult, I get coffee in the morning. I go to bed early so that I can be the mom I want to be for my son. I could get angry or stressed out about these times, but trying to enjoy these moments makes less sleep tolerable.
I think we were lucky because someone said to me right after he was born "you'll have to decide if you want to do cry-it-out or not." I had no idea what they were talking about, so I researched it. I was horrified by the effects that CIO could potentially have, and searched for all the ways to avoid it. Additionally, our babe has a laid-back demeanor. I'm not sure if this is because we never let him cry and try to meet his needs, or if it's just the way he is or a combination. When we DOES cry, it is awful. I can not stand it. It makes me want to cry.
You will not kick yourself in the future when you have a secure child who is not afraid of sleep. You will not kick yourself by avoiding those cries you can not stand hearing. There are so many ways to help your child sleep in a gentle way if you need those approaches another day. If you follow their cues, you will not go wrong!
YES! Me too.
No cry it out or anything like that around here. I'm not going to spend all day teaching my baby that I'm here for her and will take care of her, only to go opposite that at night.
on the other hand, we are working very hard right now on helping Kinsley learn to fall asleep in some way other than by nursing. I have no objection to her nursing to sleep but she is a frequent night water and can't fall back to sleep without my nipple in her mouth. She's not hungry, just needs a nipple to fall asleep. We're following ideas from No Cry Sleep Solution and they are working well.