February 2013 Moms
kbates85
member
My supply sucks.
kbates85
member
I'm really starting to think STTN is what did it. It's been a problem since about 3 months old and I've tried everything. Thats about when he started consistently STTN.
I'm so close to just throwing in the towel even though the thought I never nursing again makes me want to cry. I absolutely love breastfeeding but J would rather just have a bottle. I have to sort of force him to nurse. This is going to sound sooooo dramatic but I feel like I'm mourning a death or something. I go through all the same stages. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Then I start all over again. Currently, I'm hiding in the pumping room trying not to cry.
Sometimes I feel like if I just let go maybe I'll be able to move on? Does this all sound insane?
My H doesn't get it.
I'm so close to just throwing in the towel even though the thought I never nursing again makes me want to cry. I absolutely love breastfeeding but J would rather just have a bottle. I have to sort of force him to nurse. This is going to sound sooooo dramatic but I feel like I'm mourning a death or something. I go through all the same stages. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Then I start all over again. Currently, I'm hiding in the pumping room trying not to cry.
Sometimes I feel like if I just let go maybe I'll be able to move on? Does this all sound insane?
My H doesn't get it.
Our Sweet Boy "LJ"
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Re: My supply sucks.
I'm writing this as I'm pumping and praying that I get the 3oz i used to get without a thought! My supply tanked over the past few weeks- LO has never STTN entirely, the longest has been about a 6-7 hr stretch (I'll take it!)
The past few weeks, she's been hardly sleeping at all. I think we've discovered it's because my supply really dipped and she must have been hungry.
I was taking domperidone but stopped because I didn't think it was helping that much but it must have been because I haven't been able to pump enough to cover bottles for daycare since I stopped-we've had to go to formula.
I've thought a lot about giving up and stopping-I've had supply issues from day 1. I love the closeness and the quiet of BF, being just me and her on the couch relaxing and eating dinner but recently it's also become a little upsetting and stressful since I feel like I can't adequately provide for her. Through all of this though, I'm still determined. I decided that even if she isn't really getting her nutrition out of it, we both like the cuddle time and I'm not ready to give that up yet.
Would it help for you to reframe it and think that you're giving him exclusive time with you and not so much about nourishment?
Having said all this, only you can decide what is right for your family. Don't beat yourself up- I think it's going to be sad for me to stop BF whenever that occurs so whether it's sooner or later, there's going to be a little grief involved!
Hang in there mama!
I am going through the same grieving process. I EP'd and have weaned down to just 3 pumps a day. I've had my "last day" pumping about three times already. I just can't bring myself to do it. Unlike you, I don't get the enjoyment of breastfeeding, but I just am having a hard time stopping because I feel bad giving him all formula since our culture makes formula seem like poison...Also, I am grieving the fact that breastfeeding never worked out. I never had my "victory" over breastfeeding: I wasn't able to feed him from the breast since day 4 and was never able to go more than a week without supplementing formula. I feel like I'm resigning myself to failure.
Sorry, that was way more than you wanted to know! Just wanted to get it out. All of that to say, I do understand grieving the end of breastfeeding.
I am so sorry! For the record, if you do give it up, you are still a wonderful mommy. If you keep going you are still a wonderful mommy. BFing or not does not define that and you have clearly made a strong effort.
If you want to continue, some things I have seen others recommend include Mother's Milk Tea (my sis used and thought it was good), oatmeal, tons of water, and of course nursing him as much as you can when you are with him. We have gone in stages where my DD loved to nurse and where she didn't love it. Right now we are in a "drink for a minute, pull off, look around, smile, grunt, squirm, eat some more..." phase. Lovely times.
Hang in there. I am sure you have seen the above info, so forgive me for repeating. And I suspect you already have, but in case not, Kelly Mom has some helpful info.
Hugs to you,
Jenn
We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013. We love her to pieces.
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.
Also, there are not just two choices - BF or don't BF. My friend gave up BFing by day but still nurses her DD once before work and once at night. She gets formula during the day when she is at work.
We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013. We love her to pieces.
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.
this! I do this with DS. I don't pump well. I have tried 4 pumps, and I had issues with Dd too. My supply was ok when I went to work, but was slowly dwindling down. Then I had surgery, and had to pump and dump for 24 hours, I was out of freezer stash by this point and I had to give ds formula. I also was unable to pump at work, because I could only use one hand. DS also LOVED formula, and was fighting bf, so I gave him a bottle.
I feed DS when I am home in the morning, and in the evening I do as much as I can.
And fwiw, dd was supplemented from the start,with no ore bm after 7 weeks. She is a beautiful, smart, social, healthy little girl. Bottle feeding can be intimate too. DS stares me in the eyes when I do, it is still our special time when I feed him formula.
this! I do this with DS. I don't pump well. I have tried 4 pumps, and I had issues with Dd too. My supply was ok when I went to work, but was slowly dwindling down. Then I had surgery, and had to pump and dump for 24 hours, I was out of freezer stash by this point and I had to give ds formula. I also was unable to pump at work, because I could only use one hand. DS also LOVED formula, and was fighting bf, so I gave him a bottle.
I feed DS when I am home in the morning, and in the evening I do as much as I can.
And fwiw, dd was supplemented from the start,with no ore bm after 7 weeks. She is a beautiful, smart, social, healthy little girl. Bottle feeding can be intimate too. DS stares me in the eyes when I do, it is still our special time when I feed him formula.
Piggybacking on this: There was a great article on The Leaky Boob a few months ago about how breastfeeding doesn't have to be all or nothing. I'm mobile so I can't make it clicky, but here's there link:
https://theleakyboob.com/2013/03/itdoesnthavetobeallornothing/
You're not alone! I don't have any advice but I'm dreading this happening too