Stay at Home Moms
Emmakins87
member
Family emergency wwyd
Emmakins87
member
My sister inlaw is in the hospital. Sadly she attempted suicide last night and is admitted for the near future. Brother in law called me today and asked if their kids ages 4 and 7 could live with us for the summer with their assistance from their nanny. My first reaction was I can not say no. I know this is on me with H's work schedule. Am I wrong or setting my self up for failure if I go through with this. I need to make a decision in 24 hours.
Blessed with double the love. C and J born May 2013
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Re: Family emergency wwyd
As close as you are with your brother, I would say yes. As long as the nanny was there to help. You have a night nurse right? Would he consider helping you pay to extend the night nurses time?
Very sorry about your SIL btw. Was it sudden?
I know the nanny met her on a couple occasions. But I feel I need I do some back round checks on her before I let her in to my home. Do I sound too picky?
Oh my goodness...I have no advice but my thoughts and prayers with you.
OH! I thought you meant it was your brother. OK, I might change my answer a little bit. I think your husband needs to be on board for changing his lifestyle as much as possible to help out. I know he can't change his work schedule, but with the kids being his niece and nephew, he's going to have to take on as much work as he can. Do the kids live close by normally? Does their dad plan on seeing them at all? Honestly, I get that he wants them to have a stable summer, but uprooting them might not be the best thing. Couldn't the nanny just take on more hours at their house?
As far as the nanny and background checks go, do you not think they did them? Can you just ask your BIL what the results are? I mean, honestly she's going to have her hands full with those kids, so she won't do much with the twins I assume.
They live about 2 hours away. H went up there to help out and see what je could do.He said he would go with what ever I decide . I just feel like I would be the evil one if I say no.
I think staying at their house is a bad idea. Seeing their mom in this state could do them a lot more harm than being uprooted for the summer. And she probably needs from childfree time to get herself back together before she is ready to be a mom again.
I don't know that it is your responsibility to care for them, but I don't think they should stay at their house with the Nanny. Would the nanny be driving 2 hours each way, every day? I would hammer out the details before I said yes.
Do you have beds for them?
Well, I was assuming their mother was going to go to some sort of inpatient treatment.
Oh, that's true. She might be spending the summer there. In that case, I would offer to keep them on the weekends or something, maybe a couple weekdays so he can get a break but you're not overextending yourself.
I would see if you can maybe compromise, like PP's have said. Like can you take them on the weekends, or maybe split the summer with another relative so they're at your house just for a few weeks or a month? That might be more manageable.
If he's not willing to do that, though, I'd probably do it. I don't think I could say no considering the situation. I would consider it an opportunity to hopefully give the kids a great and special summer, one which would otherwise probably be very difficult.
Oh man, I am so sorry you are in this position. That's so tough.
I can see why BIL is asking for them to stay with you vs. with the nanny at their own home. I would probably be willing to give it a try given that they do have a nanny who will likely do most of their care.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope your SIL can get the help she needs and move past this. I know the fear and stress that come along with this situation.
I would absolutely take the kids. BIL is going to need to spend his non-working time helping his wife and the kids need more stability than he'll likely be able to provide in the midst of this. I'm sure the nanny is wonderful, but I'm sure she has set hours and can't or doesn't want to work more than that (which is understandable, she has her own private life and shouldn't be expected to suddenly take on more than they agreed upon long-term). And at 7 and 4 they're older a more independent. I have an almost 6 year old and an almost 4 year old and while of course they still need supervision and guidance they're definitely getting more independent by the minute. In fact, you may find that they're very helpful to have around (my older two sure are). In many ways Julia makes my life a lot easier because she's able to play with Andrew when I need to do other things.
I wouldn't worry about a background check on the nanny. It sounds like she'll be taking care of your niece and nephew with you and won't be alone with the twins.
Shouldn't the mother be the one leaving the house for the summer? A rehab center or maybe to her parents house where she can focus on getting better? I would hate to uproot the kids at a time like this. And that's a lot to ask of you. Sorry to hear this.
H and I talked and we are going to do it - it looks like.... at the very least for 2 weeks w/ Nanny and then reassess the situation in mid July. H is going to take reduced schedule if his boss agrees and hope for the best so I can still focus on J and C.. He is going to let me have a few days to set up rooms for them so I have some emergency shopping to do,I don;t want to put them in empty rooms. They should be here and settled by July 4. H is renting a U-haul so they can bring their toys. H decided we need to" man up"
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You are being a great brother and SIL.
this. You will be in my prayers. I am so sorry your family is going through this.
I think you're darned if you do, darned if you don't!
IMO there needs to be some balance between you watching them and some "pull yourself up by your boot straps". Chances are the Nanny is going to fall through because of the distance...
If anything, you've just got to treat it "as if" they're coming to your house for the summer.. It'll be an adjustment, but like you said, you aren't being given much of a choice... You're also going to need support from your IL's because there's also the added expenses that you're going to have to face (food, clothes, bedding, etc.)
I feel like if my spouse just tried to commit suicide and we were looking at long term serious care/counseling/ recovery and at asked my sibling to take my children in to help them through it I would be really hurt if they told me to pull myself up by my boot straps and deal with it. This type of situation is exactly when you need your family to rally around you and support you and help you through it.
This. You did not give the impression that the Mom is coming home soon so why is their father trying to get rid of them? I have a feeling if she succeeded he would be asking you to take custody of his kids which adds to how F'd up this is for the kids. That said if their father is not willing to parent when he is come from work then take them if you can but you are not horrible if you say no and that his kids need their Dad.