Mildly annoying MIL
ILoveSnacks
member
I'm very fortunate to have kind, supportive in-laws who are crazy about their first grandkid.
Having said that, I've been almost constantly annoyed with my MIL since the baby arrived. We live 400 miles away from them, but she's always texting and posting on Facebook and just got a smart phone so there's a lot of regular communication. Plus there's been a family health situation with another relative which has necessitated even more than usual.
My two biggest beefs are that (1) she came and stayed with us for the first week, was completely unhelpful and ended up being a drama queen near the end, which I'm still bitter about, and (2) she's much more emotional than I am and I really just don't have the patience right now for her constant gushing about the "beautiful angel" and how in love she is with the baby.
I'm starting to get territorial and don't want to share photos or updates, partially because she has a history of taking it upon herself to share them on Facebook and partially because I'm a jerk. I realize rationally that these are so minor that they don't even count as problems and I know I need to get over it all but I'm having trouble.
Thoughts, advice and kicks in the pants are welcome.
Re: Mildly annoying MIL
Haha, my MIL has been getting under my skin since Day 1 too! Like yours mine is kind, supportive and crazy about her first grandchild but OMG has she been annoying me! She has his really high pitched voice she uses when talking to DD that makes my skin crawl. She also thinks that everything isn't normal. Like Baby Acne for instance. She also had the nerve to say to me that she was so glad to see that my stomach was going down because she was starting to get worried! Who says that to someone that JUST had a baby a week before?!?
Anyway, I'm really hoping this is just a post partum hormone thing and that in time she will annoy me less.
GL to you!
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Thanks for a place for me to vent about my MIL. The other day DS had the hiccups and she said over and over again "are those hiccups pissing you off, are they pissing you off?" Seriously!??! I know they don't know words yet but I don't want in a couple years them going around saying that's pissing me off!! I can totally relate to the high pitch annoying voice too!! Also the stupid nicknames she uses for them like Mr. Brown what?!?
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MIL has been insisting that DH and I go out to dinner one night so that she can babysit. She doesn't seem to understand that's not entirely possible with a BFing baby who cluster feeds all evening. Yet she still says she can handle a fussy baby and that I "need" to go out to dinner. Our baby is only 3 weeks old. We are fine not going out alone yet and prefer to eat at home anyway.... even before baby.
She also told me to drink wine every night before nursing so that LO will sleep better. Um, no thanks. I'm not a big drinker to begin with and am certainly not going to drink just to sort of sedate my newborn.
She constantly talks in the most annoying baby voice and suddenly can't remember proper grammar around LO. Example: "I think her pooped, lets go change her...." Followed by "oh, no, her didn't poop. I thought her did, but her didnt!" All in a baby voice. As a speech language pathologist, this drives me BSC!!!!
She also was constantly rubbing and pushing on my belly while I was pregnant, trying to make the baby kick back. Even as I was walking away from her, which I thought was a pretty strong hint for her to get her hands the eff away from my belly.
Good thread, friends! I think we all needed this group therapy today.
I hate the "my baby" thing! He's your grandson, he's MY baby.
And my MIL also thinks everything is abnormal. She has cat allergies, so since before LO was born, she's been mentioning him having cat allergies. Baby acne? Cat allergies. Sneezing? Cat allergies! Green poop? You bet it's those cat allergies.
Amen
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Sometimes when I get frustrated, I try to remember that one day I might be a MIL to O's significant other.
It doesn't make it any easier that my IL's were really not on board until about the last week of my pretty crummy pregnancy. Now they want to come and visit all the time. I do appreciate that they finally came around and embraced their grandson!
I have no comment since I have posted a few times as to what is/was going on with my MIL. We did have a conversation but it has not really changed. She still insists on doing the things that I mentioned to her that bother/upset me. When she sees that I get upset she does it more and then asks why I look sad, etc.
My mom did say to me that my grandmother wanted nothing to do with her and the three of us so it makes me happy that at least she wants to be involved but she just needs to step back a little and my H has said that too. She has referred to our daughter as "her baby or her daughter" since we found out it was a girl. She told me that "when she gets older she will do what I say instead of what you say". My DH had to ask her to stop referring to our daughter as her baby because it started to bother him.
I have always said there needs to be Facebook etiquette classes for the older crowd. They just don't get the "flow."
I really feel for everyone who has major IL issues. That has to be so hard to have married a wonderful man who comes with some less than wonderful people.
Are all of our MILs friends on Facebook, oversharing with each other (about getting new tires - hahaha!) and breaking other people's news? I texted MIL a random photo of DH, the baby and our dog the other week and the next day she posted it publicly. G-D smart phone. So now I'm not telling her anything that I don't want to be public, which severely limits what I'm willing to tell her. I've thought about hiding her from my feed or hiding my statuses from her but I ultimately figured that it's better to know what kind of nonsense she's doing. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure I would lose it if MIL called my daughter "her" baby -- wow.
And I'm giggling out loud at the thought of "her didn't poop" and the all-purpose cat allergies. Good lord.
Those of you who are 20-40 minutes away from your MIL - I am envious. Mine lives 1/2 mile away and I live 1/2 mile away from where FIL works so she randomly stops by when shes dropping him off or picking him up. She also ALWAYS wants to babysit because she needs her "baby time" but she only wants to watch DD (who is 6 weeks old) and never wants to watch DS (who is two). If I call and ask her to watch DS she will always be right in the middle of something. Usually this is scrapbooking or scanning paperwork. I also can't stand the way she says bed time and pacifiers. It's one thing for kids to set their own nick names for things such as DS refers to bed time as "ni-ni" and his pacis as "bubba's" (that one i'm guessing is because SHE started calling him "Bubba." Anyway, she refers to bed time as "na-na" and his paci as "ti-ti." There is just something about a 65yo women who calls a pacifier a "ti-ti." Erg, and she is obsessed with modern technology (Iphone, Ipad, Mac) yet she doesn't know how to use ANY of it. She is constantly calling me asking how to do this, that, and the other.
ERG!
Me too for the most part, idk why things changed almost as soon as I got pg.
I have the opposite problem, my mil is fantastic, my mom is crazy. A list of offenses:
- calling my daughter her baby, saying "my baby, even wrote "my daughter k" on fb! (me and sis were like granddaughter! And my mom was like oops, typo...except it happened 2 times!) then wrote " my 3 girls on fb referring to my two sisters and my daughter! Ugh!
- when my baby spit up at a restraunt grabbed a napkin that was dirty with guacamole and sitting on t of the table and said use this "I said no thanks, got a burp cloth that's dirty" she said its fine and wiped it all over my daughters face. I said "mom! It's dirty!" she said its fine, and got mad at me!
- every time my baby fusses bc she's hungry (I bf) my mom refuses to give her to me, says its just gas, and holds her until she screams. I have to ask at least two times for my poor hungry child! I say no, she's hungry and mom laughs at me and won't hand her over!
- is weirdly possessive over my daughter, steals her from who ever is holding her within seconds, and gets mad/jealous of others time with the baby
- wants to take her on overnight trips / baby sit (my kiddo is 8 weeks) but my mom is fairly abusive at times and dates/lives with a druggie boyfriend....um, he!! No!
Pluckily, I was blessed with the best MIL ever!
Anywho my parents are driving me bonkers. We live in a 2 family house , us upstairs and they are down stairs. We agreed on this arrangement because my mother is ill and they need our help, but we pay rent so its not like we get a free ride and its a significant amount of money.
With that said my mom takes it upon herself to come in our house when the baby and i are sleeping and starts rummaging around till she wakes us up, it came to the point where the other day DD is going through a growth spurt and we barely slept at all. We finally bith went down for a nap at 245 in the afternoon and my mom and dad come banging on our door like banchees wake up we wanna see our girl wake up and then proceeded to come in and shake me awake saying its 3 in the afternoon dnt sleep the day away and needless to say i snapped and they havnt been doing it the past few days but i cant take it anymore.
My dad comments on every picture of my dd on fb and makes it a point to say how noone cares for and loves her more then he does not even us. That sends dh over the edge. They also make it a point to memoriZe what people comment on my pictures then come and reiterate it to me. I can read!!
They have a big problem when it comes to them saying "come to mommy or come to daddy" or " mommys girl" and i have to constantly remind them shes not yours!!!!
Also they are pushing for me to go back to work so they can "raise her and experience her firsts". Well they are SOL cause i will be experiencing my child's firsts.
Blah!!!! Parents fustrate me!!! Not to mention everytime LO cries they wanna shove a bottle or paci in her mouth. Idc what you say dad shes not always friggen hungry!!
Wow thanks for giving me somewhere to vent i cant take it anymore!!'
Haha....I don't know what it is about MILs that irritate everyone, but they do. I have the kindest generous ILs that anyone could ask for and I love them dearly, but my MIL can get under my skin just a bit.
DH was out of the country for a week for work and my MIL came to stay for a couple of days to help out. But I didn't realize "helping out" meant that I wasn't allowed to hold or comfort DS until we went to bed. He would be screaming from gas pains and she would just hold him. I had to tell her several times to put him on his back to do his gas exercises. I would come into the room a minute later and she would be holding him again and tried to tell me he didn't like it. I would finally take him and lay him down to do his exercises and he would be fine again. I understand she doesn't get to see him all the time but what is it about the grandmoms that they only want to hold a sleeping baby, they don't want to try to interact with them or do tummy time????? I feel like I have to babysit my MIL while she is babysitting my DS.
She would then whine about how she wishes she was closer so she could see him more. She is retired and lives an hour and 15 minutes away! I will usually come back at her with that my parents live 1200 miles away so it could be worse.
this is so my MIL anytime the babies cry she is oh is it time to eat and I will tell her no they just ate and she still wants to feed them. Like babies can't just cry to cry or for another reason.
I'm in the camp where my MIL is great - my mom is the awful one! The first time she came to visit us in the Nicu she:
1) Commented that DD looked even smaller than she did at birth, two weeks earlier (DD was 1/2 a pound bigger - significant on a three pound baby!).
2) Said she didn't need to wash her hands because she washed them when she ate (which was at a fast food restaurant before handling doors at the hospital, pens to sign in, the car door, and her own grimy walking cane). DD stayed in the bed until she washed them.
3) Told me my first trimester bleeding was more than likely me miscarrying DD's twin. Such a lovely woman (and refused to listen to me when I told her that was impossible because of the amount of ultrasounds I had and none even hinted at that.)
Since then, she has:
-Passed on holding the baby because she would have to wash her hands (seriously? What's the deal with being clean?).
-Told me DD probably wasn't getting enough breastmilk - never mind that she's a loud eater, clearly swallowing, gaining weight, and looks milk-drunk when I take her off the breast!
And before she was born, mom informed me that she would be calling the baby by her middle name because she didn't like her first name. I informed her that she would not be seeing her granddaughter if she had such disrespect for me. The kicker - all of her friends adore DD's name, to her shock and disbelief.