Re: Silly Doulas
SallySunrise
member
I tried really, REALLY hard not to let the FFFC thread get to me, but I just can't seem to let it go. I do know that the comments were not directed at me personally, and I am not mad at anyone for their opinions, but come on. Surely you can understand that it's hard to hear someone call your passion - the thing you've gone back to school, back to work, started all over for - "silly", "baloney", "a waste". I don't think I'm out of line to be a little offended by that.
So here. Maybe if I can say my piece I can at least feel like I tried.
Doulas aren't a waste. They aren't for everyone, and that's perfectly ok. But the profession is not worthless. Research has shown that doula support (overall, not for every single woman, obviously) results in shorter labor with fewer complications, reduces the need for/use of pitocin, vacuum and forceps, c/s, reduces mothers' requests for pain meds including epidurals, and (this is the one I'm most passionate about) reduces mothers' negative feelings about their childbirth experiences.
Doulas charge money because they work hard and dedicate a LOT of time to their clients. Each doula does it differently, but there are usually 1-2 prenatal meetings with the mom and her partner to discuss their wishes for their birth, answer any questions and build a relationship. Doulas offer 24 hour on-call support to their clients. All those little things that we posted here on TB that we were worried about, but not quite enough to call the doc for fear that we'd sound silly? Those are things doulas answer. Any time, even at 3am. They rush to your side when you're in labor, and don't leave it for a minute unless they have to pee. They don't just rub your back, they suggest different positions to help labor progress and ease pain. They breathe with you, groan with you, tell you things are normal when you begin to fear that it's all going wrong. Husbands, as loving and supportive as they may be, often don't have any clue exactly HOW to support a laboring mama. They are too emotionally invested- they love you too much, and seeing you in pain makes them forget everything they learned about how this was "supposed" to go. They just want to help make it better, but aren't always sure how. Doulas have BTDT. No matter what happens in your labor, she's already experienced it with another mama, or at the very least, learned about it in one of her classes. And since she's simply at work and not experiencing one of the biggest, most stressful days of her life, she will remember what to do. Doulas make already awesome husbands into rock star coaches. We support dads too.
This is a pretty good summary of how doulas are valuable, even to dads, written by a dad: https://pregnancy.about.com/od/doula1/a/dads-and-doulas.htm
That got rambly and I know it. Sorry for the terrible writing... Emily is starting to stir on the monitor and I really wanted to get this posted so I started going really fast- LOL! If you have questions about what doulas do, please ask. I would so much rather answer a million questions then have you thinking my work is worthless baloney. I guess if I can't change your minds, well, I can't. I just couldn't let it go without at least trying. Thanks for listening... Carry on. 
Re: Re: Silly Doulas
I have not had doula with any of my babies, but reading the fffc I got a little offended for you too, so I understand that you feel like you needed to write something back. I have full respect for doulas - and don't think they are silly or waste of time or money. In that case every personal trainer, physical therapist, any alternative medicine practitioner etc etc etc just waste. I am sure you will be a great support for your clients, don't let negative opinions get you down.
I'm sorry you felt attacked. YOU could never be considered "silly" , "baloney", or "a waste of money".
Thank you all!
I am sorry you were offended. I understand why you would have been offended and am sorry if I hurt your feelings that wasn't my intention, but I can clearly see how it would have.
I am a teacher and my husband is a police officer. I receive countless digs about what I do and what he does for a living:
Teacher- You get paid too much. I would like to have a job where you only get to work 9-3. I wish I had the summers off, what a good gig. How hard is it to read stories to kids all day? blah, blah..
About my husband or to my husband- He is a pig. You are a pig. Cops are corrupt. I pay your salary. You make too much. You're a diiick. I will kill you and your family in your sleep. You have too much time off. blah, blah, blah...
I do get offended at times, but then I remember that what people say doesn't affect me. We are both doing what we enjoy, we get to help people, get pretty decent pay checks, great insurance, pensions etc.
So, unfortunately my mind is not changed whatsoever(Just like my post won't make Jessie like cops or jodie(hahah jk jk) like teachers) , but I feel terrible you were upset about this. You will be a great doula. You will be doing what you love, helping people and getting a pretty decent paycheck as well. Good for you!
First of all I just wanted to say that you've handled this in a really classy way! I thought it was unnecessary for people to call out your profession when you are clearly passionate about it . I'm mostly a lurker so I didn't contribute on Friday but I felt really bad for you. I completely understand why this got under your skin!
Secondly, my H and I paid $800 for a doula and IT WAS WORTH EVERY PENNY. My H tells every expectant couple we know to get a doula. He is a super calm, stoic guy but my 3 day labour was ROUGH on him -- I honestly don't think he could have supported me 100% on zero sleep for that long. Also, my Dr. acknowledged that I would have needed a vacuum extraction (if not a C section) if it wasn't for my doula's last minute suggestions for position changes. At the hospital where I delivered, the nurses checked in every hour or so...my doula was there the whole time, with her yoga ball, heating pads, massage, encouragement, suggestions for positions and breathing and other pain techniques...she breathed and moaned with me when I had to be still so they could put in the epidural (after 36 hours and minimal progress). My H didn't have the skillset, despite his willingness to help, to do all of these specific things, and the nurses were too busy.
Finally, she was available by phone and email (and visits) in the weeks leading up to and following the birth, She helped me deal with anxiety about complications. We had terrible troubles BFing and she was integral to our success in the weeks after.
So. In conclusion, my doula was an INTEGRAL part of my birth experience and I credit her with avoiding drugs for 36 hours, avoiding a vacuum extraction, and helping me succeed in BFing.
Keep on keeping on girl!!!
Ditto all of this.
I don't think anyone on this board doesn't support Sally and her decision to do something she loves.
Just to be clear my FFC was NOT: I hate sally, I think sally is dumb, Sally is the worst. It was about a profession. Sally happens to want to be a doula. I can name a ton of jobs/professions that I think aren't useful to ME or are silly to ME. Doesn't mean I hate the people that hold those positions or that I don't support people going to get a certificate, working and making money for their family.
Married: 5/21/05 **~** Emery Aylin 6/30/12
BFP#1-11/5/10- Surgery for ectopic pregnancy 11/15/10 BFP#2-11/1/11 Due 7/8/12 Born 6/30/12
Oops we did it again... BFP 03/23/14 Due 12/6/14 Nora Born 11/23/14
There is a difference between "a doula isn't for me" and "doulas are silly" or "baloney", and that's what I took offense to. Just because it has no appeal to you [which I have no problem with, FTR] doesn't mean it doesn't make an actual difference to others. Your OP on the FFFC thread was that you were judging another mom for using a doula, and that you thought it was silly. To me that says that you think the whole idea of a doula is silly, NOT just for you. I took offense to that professionally, not personally. I recognize that it wasn't directly about me, as I said in my OP today.
Anyway. I appreciate your apology and your opinion. No hard feelings!
Very well said!
Well said Sally! Doulas are amazing. I had a wonderful doula and I attribute my positive, natural birth to her. She was positive and encouraging during my L&D which was what I needed as a FTM.. When I freaked out during pushing, she got me back on track. My H was great but he had no idea what I was experiencing. When I was screaming from pain, he just blanked out because he was scared for me and he was worried because I was in pain. My doula knew what I was feeling and what I needed to hear. As a mother and a women she knew how to connect with me at that moment. I know that doulas are not for everyone. I understand that some people want privacy or feel that doulas overstep their boundaries. However, I think every woman has the right to decide if she would like a doula or not. If a woman wants a doula that does not mean that her H is not supportive or that she does not trust the medical staff.
I truly wish I lived closer to you as I would love for you to be my doula when I have #2!
I know I'm late to the game, but I'm going to throw in my two cents.
I think having someone in the labor room with me who had BTDT would have been helpful. I had no idea that the cervadil could throw me into labor, the machines didn't pick the contractions up so everyone thought I was just being a wuss about the "cramping", and I was convinced something was horribly wrong with the baby because my insides felt like they were exploding. I was terrified, and I was so looped up on the narcotics they gave me that I couldn't communicate effectively. My husband, while he was absolutely wonderful, had no idea what was going on, and he was just as terrified. I wonder if a doula would have picked up on the fact that I was actually in labor. I know it would have helped me to be calmer if someone I trusted and who knew what labor was like had been there the entire time. That being said, I won't be using one for this baby, simply because it's a luxury that I can't afford right now.
Sally, I don't think your profession is silly. I will admit to thinking that doulas were more for the crunchy, hippie mom before I actually went through labor and came to understand how confusing/scary it can become.
My experience with labor and reading about your path to becoming a doula have actually made me consider becoming a doula as well. I want to help people to be calm and understand what's happening to them. Once we get to a more stable place financially, I'll be looking into it.
OK, I'm done with my turn flogging the poor horse.