Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

Friend has 13 month old front facing

He is 20 pounds, so they turned his car seat around. He's only 13 months old!! Im trying to find a website, meme, blog, SOMETHING that I Can post on my Facebook wall (were FB friends) thats like hey, always a good reminder to all parents... something thats not an obviouse cue to her, but that will hopefully trigger the "OHHHHH I need to turn his seat around" point in her head. Any links you can share?
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Re: Friend has 13 month old front facing

  • There's quite a bit of information out there regarding this topic. Here's something I found. Hopefully they will take the hint!

     https://www.thecarseatlady.com/car_seats/rear-facing_seats.html

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  • First let me say I understand your concern however is it really your place to even "hint" about what she does with her kid? Maybe there is more to it? We planned to keep DS RF as long as possible but he was getting car sick everyday so we had to flip him at 17 months. DD doesn't get car sick so she will stay RF for 2+ years. It annoys me to no end when people post things as "hints" to other people on a public sites like FB ... It's childish if you want to say something to her just say it and let her defend herself or just worry about parenting your own children. 
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  • I don't think it's childish. I think it's a nice reminder. My best advice is going to the states highway patrol website and see what they say. Mine has regulations and such posted. It was nice to know the expectations for RF, FF and also graduating to a booster seat and that where I live they expect 10 year olds to even be in a booster. Also where I live it's not okay to put a 12 year old in the front seat, they need to be 13 at the youngest. It also says what will happen if they pull you over and your child is not in the proper car seat.

    I posted it on FB for everyone to know what they should be doing. I'm a nurse, so I feel I should be voicing that because I feel it's one of my responsibilities to set an example. I RF. One friend thought it was okay for an 6 year old to sit in the front seat only because the little girls weight was at the weight limit. It was a little girl she was going to babysit. The parents had been putting her in the front seat. I told her that's not acceptable and that they need to go buy their daughter a booster to use in all vehicles. It's state law.

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  • I don't really think it's your place to say anything. As long as she is following the law I kind of think it's a MYOB thing. I know your heart is in the right place but I can't see how this will turn out well. This is coming from someone who plans to RF as close to age four as we can get.


    Eta I totally misread the post. I thought you wanted to single her out on Facebook. I think putting something on Facebook in general is totally fine. I'll see if I can find something for you.
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  • I sent this article to a friend:

    https://thestir.cafemom.com/baby/108322/9_lifesaving_car_seat_rules

    But we had been talking about when to turn RF a couple of days before I sent it. I did it in a totally playful "oh since we were just talking about this, etc gosh there are so many rules!" Way. She replied saying thanks for the info, we already turned her. She was 16 months. Do I agree? No, but I said my peace, they made their decision.

    Another friend turned her son at a year and when I saw I just flat out said, "I hate to be that mom, but did you know they are recommending to RF until at least 2?" She said yes but his legs looked squished so they turned him. Then she said, "so yes I did know, I'm just choosing to endanger him!" Topic dropped!

    Just because you "enlighten" your friend doesn't mean they'll change back, but there's no harm in mentioning it.
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  • my son is front facing, he's 27 lbs, but for what ever reason my DH wants them forward facing ASAP, so at a year we do it.  Considering that 35 years ago kids weren't even in car seats (my BIL is that old and thats what my ILs said) and it was only 3 years ago when it started to become suggested to keep kids facing backwards for as long as possible, I'm not too concerned.  It seems like people are always trying to make things safer that weren't all that unsafe to begin with.

    I did post a picture of DS in his car seat not that long ago facing forward.  If a facebook friend posted a link to an article, I wouldn't think anything of it and certain wouldn't think it was directed at me.  I'm not ignorant, I know what the new guidlelines are and the reason for them, but the fact that I've been in 1 accident in my almost 14 years driving, and that was 13 years ago, and that DH gets something out of turing the car seats around, I"m not going to stress it.

  • imageoliversmommy32912:
    I don't really think it's your place to say anything. As long as she is following the law I kind of think it's a MYOB thing. I know your heart is in the right place but I can't see how this will turn out well. This is coming from someone who plans to RF as close to age four as we can get. Eta I totally misread the post. I thought you wanted to single her out on Facebook. I think putting something on Facebook in general is totally fine. I'll see if I can find something for you.

    I agree that singling someone out is a bit much, but I think posting a general FYI is not too much. The only time I personally message someone to point out carseat mistakes is when its a close friend who I think will take it ok. And even then, I'm still nervous they are going to be offended.  

    Once I saw a friend had posted pics with the chest clip really low on her newborn. I just politely messaged her and said that I hoped she wasn't offended but I noticed.....And I also said that I had done things wrong when DD was a newborn and people had been helpful to point things out to me. She was very receptive luckily. 

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  • imagemommymegan831:

    my son is front facing, he's 27 lbs, but for what ever reason my DH wants them forward facing ASAP, so at a year we do it.  Considering that 35 years ago kids weren't even in car seats (my BIL is that old and thats what my ILs said) and it was only 3 years ago when it started to become suggested to keep kids facing backwards for as long as possible, I'm not too concerned.  It seems like people are always trying to make things safer that weren't all that unsafe to begin with.

    I did post a picture of DS in his car seat not that long ago facing forward.  If a facebook friend posted a link to an article, I wouldn't think anything of it and certain wouldn't think it was directed at me.  I'm not ignorant, I know what the new guidlelines are and the reason for them, but the fact that I've been in 1 accident in my almost 14 years driving, and that was 13 years ago, and that DH gets something out of turing the car seats around, I"m not going to stress it.

    *side eye*

    Umm okay.... 

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  • Why are you so shocked? Isn't 20lbs and 12 months of age the required law? Everything else is a "recommendation". I don't think it's your business to tell them what to do or inundate them with hints. We certainly flipped K's car seat over when she turned 1. She was about 21lbs at that time. 
  • imagecattynine:
    imagemommymegan831:

    my son is front facing, he's 27 lbs, but for what ever reason my DH wants them forward facing ASAP, so at a year we do it.  Considering that 35 years ago kids weren't even in car seats (my BIL is that old and thats what my ILs said) and it was only 3 years ago when it started to become suggested to keep kids facing backwards for as long as possible, I'm not too concerned.  It seems like people are always trying to make things safer that weren't all that unsafe to begin with.

    I did post a picture of DS in his car seat not that long ago facing forward.  If a facebook friend posted a link to an article, I wouldn't think anything of it and certain wouldn't think it was directed at me.  I'm not ignorant, I know what the new guidlelines are and the reason for them, but the fact that I've been in 1 accident in my almost 14 years driving, and that was 13 years ago, and that DH gets something out of turing the car seats around, I"m not going to stress it.

    *side eye*

    Umm okay.... 

    too bad we're not facebook friends so you could politely tell me your 2 cents, however I wouldn't be as polite as your friend.  I'm following the law, your side eyes really don't mean anything 

  • KatFCoKatFCo member

    imageharmonicbabe26:
    Why are you so shocked? Isn't 20lbs and 12 months of age the required law? Everything else is a "recommendation". I don't think it's your business to tell them what to do or inundate them with hints. We certainly flipped K's car seat over when she turned 1. She was about 21lbs at that time. 

    Laws often are way behind safety recommendations. A couple of years ago the AAP and several other experts changed the recommendation. The legislatures just don't care enough to do anything about it.

    The fact is, rear-facing is the safest way to ride in a car, for anyone, and the longer kids rear-face, the better. I can understand feeling the need to FF because of a child's size, or if they get carsick, and I'm hardly a gung-ho car seat advocate, but I'd be a bit surprised if someone said, "Yes, I know what's safest for my child and I don't care."

    It's not like it takes that much more effort to keep a child RFing. No one ever plans to be in an accident.

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  • Honestly, I forward faced my 12 month old at 20 pounds.  My cousin and SIL both forward faced their kids once they turned one and weighed 20 pounds.  (Their youngest is 3)  DH and I didn't know any better and we read the manual and it said you could forward faced once they turned a year and weighed 20 pounds so we did.

    Then a month later I was here on the bump and saw a post similar to yours and thought.  "Uh oh.  Did I forward face her too soon?"  So I found a bunch of information and we put her back rear facing.  She has been back rear facing for 2 months now.  I know that it is the safest thing for her but she really really freakin' hates it.  She's 15 months old and we're going to try to keep her rear facing for as long as possible but I can't imagine having her rear facing for another year.

    Anyway, if she's really your friend just tell her.  Maybe she really doesn't know.       I didn't. 

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  • You can post all the articles you want, but what it comes down to is that it is none of your f'ucking business how someone raises their child. As long as they aren't doing something illegal then mind your own. Maybe their kid gets violently carsick or screams so loud while RFing that mom is too distracted to properly drive. You don't know their lyfe.
    i wish i could be joking but my dad is the music teacher at a church so he owuld be mad. we had sex, all the time how bad i know but we dont want to wait and he said GREAT OH KAY! and I was really feeling the wets? down there- too embarsed to say- but he acted like man.
  • This isn't going to end well no matter how you do it. I mean would you take it well if someone gave you a "friendly reminder" as what to do with your kid. I doubt it. No one really does. I know the FF vs. RF is a huge debate on here, but IRL it's not so much for whatever reason right or wrong. A) Your friend might not be doing what's the "safest" or "suggested." However, you don't know her rhyme or reason. My kid was RF until 21 months because she started screaming and puking in the car. My nephew went FF because he had a breathing issue and at the pedis advice they turned him. You just never know. Andectotal evidence I know, but don't be so quick to pass judgement. B) She isn't violating any laws. It's not like she left her kid in the car alone. C) FB isn't the place for this. At all. Why people think it's okay to "gently" point this stuff out on FB is beyond me. Call her, meet her in person if you must.
  • imagedairygirl19:
    This isn't going to end well no matter how you do it. I mean would you take it well if someone gave you a "friendly reminder" as what to do with your kid. I doubt it. No one really does. I know the FF vs. RF is a huge debate on here, but IRL it's not so much for whatever reason right or wrong. A) Your friend might not be doing what's the "safest" or "suggested." However, you don't know her rhyme or reason. My kid was RF until 21 months because she started screaming and puking in the car. My nephew went FF because he had a breathing issue and at the pedis advice they turned him. You just never know. Andectotal evidence I know, but don't be so quick to pass judgement. B) She isn't violating any laws. It's not like she left her kid in the car alone. C) FB isn't the place for this. At all. Why people think it's okay to "gently" point this stuff out on FB is beyond me. Call her, meet her in person if you must.

    All of this.  I freakin' hate FB.   

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  • imagegisa886:
    You can post all the articles you want, but what it comes down to is that it is none of your f'ucking business how someone raises their child. As long as they aren't doing something illegal then mind your own. Maybe their kid gets violently carsick or screams so loud while RFing that mom is too distracted to properly drive. You don't know their lyfe.

    I would find it easier to take you seriously if you spelled "life" correctly. 

    It's not illegal to put your newborn in his crib on his stomach with a bunch of blankets, but I would certainly point out what a terrible idea it was if I saw someone doing it. OP, I'd send her an article on facebook privately, tell her you know it's her kids, her rules...but you wanted to make sure she was fully informed. 

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  • imageXcrisscrossX:

    imagegisa886:
    You can post all the articles you want, but what it comes down to is that it is none of your f'ucking business how someone raises their child. As long as they aren't doing something illegal then mind your own. Maybe their kid gets violently carsick or screams so loud while RFing that mom is too distracted to properly drive. You don't know their lyfe.

    I would find it easier to take you seriously if you spelled "life" correctly. 

    It's not illegal to put your newborn in his crib on his stomach with a bunch of blankets, but I would certainly point out what a terrible idea it was if I saw someone doing it. OP, I'd send her an article on facebook privately, tell her you know it's her kids, her rules...but you wanted to make sure she was fully informed. 


    It is a long running bump joke to spell life that way. It is funny how people assume other parents are ignorant to these things. They probably know and just choose not to.
    i wish i could be joking but my dad is the music teacher at a church so he owuld be mad. we had sex, all the time how bad i know but we dont want to wait and he said GREAT OH KAY! and I was really feeling the wets? down there- too embarsed to say- but he acted like man.
  • Nel11Nel11 member

    The logic (or lack thereof) of some posters validating their choice to FF their kid astounds me...

    OP, I don't think Facebook is the right venue for this.  It is very easy for a parent to find car safety info nowadays.  It's their choice whether to follow it or not.  FWIW, I know several parents who FF their kid at 9, 10, 11 months old.  Makes me cringe, but it's not my place to tell them how to parent.

  • Join the parents.com Facebook page, then maybe right at the same time, find some article on Parents.com website about carseat safety and share it. . . you could say 'just joined this page and has so much useful info!"

     

     

  • imageNel11:

    The logic (or lack thereof) of some posters validating their choice to FF their kid astounds me...

    OP, I don't think Facebook is the right venue for this.  It is very easy for a parent to find car safety info nowadays.  It's their choice whether to follow it or not.  FWIW, I know several parents who FF their kid at 9, 10, 11 months old.  Makes me cringe, but it's not my place to tell them how to parent.

    Examples?

    i wish i could be joking but my dad is the music teacher at a church so he owuld be mad. we had sex, all the time how bad i know but we dont want to wait and he said GREAT OH KAY! and I was really feeling the wets? down there- too embarsed to say- but he acted like man.
  • imageDaisyBlinks:

    imagegisa886:
    You can post all the articles you want, but what it comes down to is that it is none of your f'ucking business how someone raises their child. As long as they aren't doing something illegal then mind your own. Maybe their kid gets violently carsick or screams so loud while RFing that mom is too distracted to properly drive. You don't know their lyfe.

    GISA! I heart you.

    I agree. Mind your own business. Butting into people's parenting decisions is just a no-no.

    Signed,

    Someone-who-is-totally-going-to-RF-to-the-limits-of-the-seat 

    Hey girl!

    FWIW I RF my kids. I just turned my daughter right before 2 and a half because she was telling me she had to pee and I couldn't hear her and she peed in her seat.

    i wish i could be joking but my dad is the music teacher at a church so he owuld be mad. we had sex, all the time how bad i know but we dont want to wait and he said GREAT OH KAY! and I was really feeling the wets? down there- too embarsed to say- but he acted like man.
  • I think posting publicly on Facebook is too passive/aggressive. Why not just ask them in a private message and relay your concerns that way?  If you are truly friends I can see it being fine and perhaps turning into a learning experience for both of you (as in she rethinks her decision and you are humbled and less judgmental), but if you're just acquaintances I can see it being condescending and you will probably get blocked.  No parent likes to be told by another parent that they're doing something wrong, but they especially don't like it publicly announced either. 
  • PA law states 1 year and 20 lbs. I'm sure she knows the recs and turned her child knowing them. There's not much you can do if you value the friendship.
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  • So i have a wwyd question along similar lines. A friend of mine has been posting pictures of her son FF in the car since he was just under 5 months old. He's only 7 months old now, so it's definitely illegal in California.

    I feel weird since we're not the closest of friends, nor is it my business,but when it's something that is clearly dangerous and illegal for the baby, what's the best approach?
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  • imageKimbus22:
    imageskibunny59:

    Honestly, I forward faced my 12 month old at 20 pounds.  My cousin and SIL both forward faced their kids once they turned one and weighed 20 pounds.  (Their youngest is 3)  DH and I didn't know any better and we read the manual and it said you could forward faced once they turned a year and weighed 20 pounds so we did.

    Then a month later I was here on the bump and saw a post similar to yours and thought.  "Uh oh.  Did I forward face her too soon?"  So I found a bunch of information and we put her back rear facing.  She has been back rear facing for 2 months now.  I know that it is the safest thing for her but she really really freakin' hates it.  She's 15 months old and we're going to try to keep her rear facing for as long as possible but I can't imagine having her rear facing for another year.

    Anyway, if she's really your friend just tell her.  Maybe she really doesn't know.       I didn't. 

    And this is exactly WHY posting a carseat safety article on FB (not singling anyone out) is worth a shot.  Sometimes people just don't do the research on their own and having it handed to them can lead them to make a better decision because they're better informed.  

    I'm glad you decided to switch her back after reading up :)

    I agree with this. It's not like you're posting a meme and saying "This is for you @ Friendy McFriend". It's just getting the information out there. If they see it and decide to look it up and realize they want to turn back to RF then great. If they see it and decide they still want to FF then great. You've done what you can do.

    Everyone who has decided to ERF learned about it somewhere. I was the first person out of all my friends and close family to have kids. Car seat laws were drastically different when I was a kid so my parents sure as hell didn't tell me about ERFing. I saw some stats someone posted on Facebook and that led me to research more about ERFing and then I made my decision. I'm thankful someone posted something that caused me to think. We will now RF as long as it works for our family with the goal to RF until DS outgrows the limits of the seat.

    If you plan on singling her out then totally MYOB. As long as someone is following the law then it's no one's place to tell them how to parent IMO, but I don't think there is anything wrong with putting information out there to the general public. 

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  • ZimgerZimger member

    I don't see the harm in posting the recommendations and laws of carseat safety on your FB page. You are not calling her out.

    I post about safety concerns all the time. It's never to anyone in particular. I just feel that it helps to raise awareness. Sometimes people don't care but sometimes they do. If they don't give a crap they will ignore it. There is nothing you can do about that.

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  • KatFCoKatFCo member

    imageMelissabride09:
    So i have a wwyd question along similar lines. A friend of mine has been posting pictures of her son FF in the car since he was just under 5 months old. He's only 7 months old now, so it's definitely illegal in California. I feel weird since we're not the closest of friends, nor is it my business,but when it's something that is clearly dangerous and illegal for the baby, what's the best approach?

    This is something I honestly would say something to her, as kind of a PSA. "Hey, I noticed your son is FFing. I just wanted to make sure you know, if you got stopped for any reason, you could get a ticket."

     While for the most part, it really is none of our business what choices our friends make, they're our friends for a reason. What's so wrong with starting a conversation? Not in a judging way, but actually talking about it.

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  • aeh72aeh72 member

    I think any issue like this that is about the safety of our kids, is something worth mentioning to a friend.  Like other posters said, some of them did not know the recommendations and once they learned them, were able to make more informed decisions.

    However, how you point this information out to your friend may depend on your friendship with this person and if you care about impacting it negatively.  To me, if a friend passively agressively put something out on Facebook about a topic that I just discussed with her and that basically was suggesting I was harming my child in some way, I'd be uber-annoyed.  Even if I wasn't called out publicly, it would still embarass me, and what if others knew I was FFing my child and then they called me out.  Not cool - even if with good intentions.

    If I were you, I would contact her personally - email, FB msg - and say something along the lines of, "hey, when you mentioned you had FF ____, I wondered if I should do the same so I was reading about it and found this research.  Wanted to pass it on in case you didn't know." Then, go on to mention something unrelated about kids, etc.  Make it casual, make it about you too ("hey, I learned something new today") and like you are just trying to help her out - not that you are trying to call her out.  She may still tell you to MYOB (or that she knows about the recs but they've decided to FF for x reasons) but then you can feel good about not being a jerk about it yet still sharing information that is important for parents to know.

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  • imageNel11:

    The logic (or lack thereof) of some posters validating their choice to FF their kid astounds me...

    OP, I don't think Facebook is the right venue for this.  It is very easy for a parent to find car safety info nowadays.  It's their choice whether to follow it or not.  FWIW, I know several parents who FF their kid at 9, 10, 11 months old.  Makes me cringe, but it's not my place to tell them how to parent.

     

    I agree.

    " the fact that I've been in 1 accident in my almost 14 years driving, and that was 13 years ago, and DH gets something out of turning the car seats around, I"m not going to stress it." is up there with some of the dumbest justifications I've seen on TB.

     

    Though I don't see anything wrong with posting a link to the current guidelines on FB, as long as you don't tag any one person in it.

                                       
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  • imagemommymegan831:

    my son is front facing, he's 27 lbs, but for what ever reason my DH wants them forward facing ASAP, so at a year we do it.  Considering that 35 years ago kids weren't even in car seats (my BIL is that old and thats what my ILs said) and it was only 3 years ago when it started to become suggested to keep kids facing backwards for as long as possible, I'm not too concerned.  It seems like people are always trying to make things safer that weren't all that unsafe to begin with.

    I did post a picture of DS in his car seat not that long ago facing forward.  If a facebook friend posted a link to an article, I wouldn't think anything of it and certain wouldn't think it was directed at me.  I'm not ignorant, I know what the new guidlelines are and the reason for them, but the fact that I've been in 1 accident in my almost 14 years driving, and that was 13 years ago, and that DH gets something out of turing the car seats around, I"m not going to stress it.

    Wow.  I'm not sure why you think driving around without carseats or seatbelts was not "all that unsafe to begin with"; the CDC says that child safety seats reduce the risk of death because of car accidents by 71% for infants and 54% for toddlers.  And the CDC says, unequivocally, rear facing is best for children under 2.  

    https://www.cdc.gov/motorvehiclesafety/child_passenger_safety/cps-factsheet.html

    But how nice for you that your DH is smarter than all those government scientists and knows more than the studies that have been done.  And it's super that you drive around in a protective bubble that ensures you never get into an accident caused by the other drivers on the road who aren't as skilled as you are.

    (BTW, motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death for children from 2-14.  But hey, I'm sure that doesn't apply to you either.)

     

  • imageFemShep:
    imagemommymegan831:

    my son is front facing, he's 27 lbs, but for what ever reason my DH wants them forward facing ASAP, so at a year we do it.  Considering that 35 years ago kids weren't even in car seats (my BIL is that old and thats what my ILs said) and it was only 3 years ago when it started to become suggested to keep kids facing backwards for as long as possible, I'm not too concerned.  It seems like people are always trying to make things safer that weren't all that unsafe to begin with.

    I did post a picture of DS in his car seat not that long ago facing forward.  If a facebook friend posted a link to an article, I wouldn't think anything of it and certain wouldn't think it was directed at me.  I'm not ignorant, I know what the new guidlelines are and the reason for them, but the fact that I've been in 1 accident in my almost 14 years driving, and that was 13 years ago, and that DH gets something out of turing the car seats around, I"m not going to stress it.

    Wow.  I'm not sure why you think driving around without carseats or seatbelts was not "all that unsafe to begin with"; the CDC says that child safety seats reduce the risk of death because of car accidents by 71% for infants and 54% for toddlers.  And the CDC says, unequivocally, rear facing is best for children under 2.  

    https://www.cdc.gov/motorvehiclesafety/child_passenger_safety/cps-factsheet.html

    But how nice for you that your DH is smarter than all those government scientists and knows more than the studies that have been done.  And it's super that you drive around in a protective bubble that ensures you never get into an accident caused by the other drivers on the road who aren't as skilled as you are.

    (BTW, motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death for children from 2-14.  But hey, I'm sure that doesn't apply to you either.)

     

    Yes, my first thought is that it's called an accident for a reason.  It's out of your control.   Just because you have only had one accident doesn't mean that you are less likely to be in one.  

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  • I saw a picture of a FB friend with her LO front facing about a week before he turned 1 year old.  I remember thinking that's not safe these days but they are two intelligent adults and I didn't think about saying something to them or posting an article on FB about it.  While it isn't safe according to new research, it's not illegal.  I figure, they made this choice and it's what they are comfortable with so who I am to criticize their choice.

    I FF'd my DD at 1 year but that was 5 years ago before this new recommendation came out.  I am RF'ing my new LO at least until 2 years old or later if I can. 

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  • imageKatFCo:

    imageharmonicbabe26:
    Why are you so shocked? Isn't 20lbs and 12 months of age the required law? Everything else is a "recommendation". I don't think it's your business to tell them what to do or inundate them with hints. We certainly flipped K's car seat over when she turned 1. She was about 21lbs at that time. 

    Laws often are way behind safety recommendations. A couple of years ago the AAP and several other experts changed the recommendation. The legislatures just don't care enough to do anything about it.

    Doesn't matter. Law is law and just like some people feel it's necessary to judge others for feeding formula, she finds it necessary to judge for FFing her friend's child. None of her business! And better get used to others making different parenting decisions than her withot feeling the holy rage.... None of her business! 

  • KatFCoKatFCo member
    imageharmonicbabe26:
    imageKatFCo:

    imageharmonicbabe26:
    Why are you so shocked? Isn't 20lbs and 12 months of age the required law? Everything else is a "recommendation". I don't think it's your business to tell them what to do or inundate them with hints. We certainly flipped K's car seat over when she turned 1. She was about 21lbs at that time. 

    Laws often are way behind safety recommendations. A couple of years ago the AAP and several other experts changed the recommendation. The legislatures just don't care enough to do anything about it.

    Doesn't matter. Law is law and just like some people feel it's necessary to judge others for feeding formula, she finds it necessary to judge for FFing her friend's child. None of her business! And better get used to others making different parenting decisions than her withot feeling the holy rage.... None of her business! 

    There is a big difference between judging someone and saying to a friend, "Hey, did you know this?" I mean, many states' current laws don't ban texting and driving, but we all know it's unsafe. If I had a friend who admitted to texting and driving, especially with a child in the car, I would start a friendly conversation about it.

     I'm not saying the rear-face/forward-face debate is anywhere near the texting and driving issue, just using it as an example of how the law hasn't caught up with what people know to be safe.

    It is possible to bring up different possibilities without judging someone for it, or expressing "holy rage."

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  • My neighbor forward faces her toddler and has since he was 1. My friend has had her kid in the back side seat since she got home from the hospital - in fact, only one other family I know has their kid in the middle back seat. Sure, it's not the safest but people generally know what they're doing and choose something less than ideal anyway. If you think your friend genuinely might not know and would be receptive, then go ahead and share it however you feel most comfortable but I'm guessing that your friend will either 1) not click on the link you post or 2) see it, get offended, and unsubscribe from your posts. I think the reaction you're looking for is a very unlikely third possibility.  

    I've unsubscribed from several mom friends who went a little nutso with the "how can a mother not even try to breastfeed?!?!" / "why does anyone buy those gerber baby cereals when you can make your own?!!!" / "Cry it out is so abusive :'(" posts. It's just obnoxious. 

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  • imagececilyandgautam:

    My neighbor forward faces her toddler and has since he was 1. My friend has had her kid in the back side seat since she got home from the hospital - in fact, only one other family I know has their kid in the middle back seat. Sure, it's not the safest but people generally know what they're doing and choose something less than ideal anyway. If you think your friend genuinely might not know and would be receptive, then go ahead and share it however you feel most comfortable but I'm guessing that your friend will either 1) not click on the link you post or 2) see it, get offended, and unsubscribe from your posts. I think the reaction you're looking for is a very unlikely third possibility.  

    I've unsubscribed from several mom friends who went a little nutso with the "how can a mother not even try to breastfeed?!?!" / "why does anyone buy those gerber baby cereals when you can make your own?!!!" / "Cry it out is so abusive :'(" posts. It's just obnoxious. 

    Word over unsubscribing from friends over that kind of BS. I got nailed to the cross (never mind the fact I'm Jewish LOL) over me not breastfeeding my DD. My milk didn't come until more than a week after I had my daughter and it's related to my diabetes. I will never starve my child just to make some jerk faces happy!

    But back to the car seat issue...yes it is a parent's choice, but when it's the law, that's a little different. I know here in KS, it's the law to keep infants RFing until age 2. Also, they're not doing it to blow smoke up your backside.

    However it's the same with people who use walkers. The AAP is against walkers, but people still use them and they are still being sold in stores. 

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  • I don't see anything passive/aggressive about putting the information out there. It's not like the OP was going to tag her friend on it and say, "So and so, you really need to read this this!" To just post the info so anyone can read it is fine IMO. That's how people learn things.

     All I know is, if I were doing something to endanger my kids, I would want someone to tell me, not shy away because they thought it was a "parenting choice". Many in this thread have assumed that the mother was making an informed choice (and maybe she is), but she also may simply not know the dangers of FF at that age.

    To compare RF/FF to BFing/FF or CIO is silly. RF/FF could literally be the difference between life and death in an accident. Even breaking hard could injure a young FF's neck. No one's life is on the line in a BF/FF or CIO debate.

    OP- this is a great link that shows how the spine ossifies over the early years and how that relates to the RF/FF.

    https://www.rearfacingtoddlers.com/why-rear-facing-is-safer.html 

    S- March 09 E- Feb 12 L- May 15


  • imageMomToNeeners:

    But back to the car seat issue...yes it is a parent's choice, but when it's the law, that's a little different. I know here in KS, it's the law to keep infants RFing until age 2. Also, they're not doing it to blow smoke up your backside.

    However it's the same with people who use walkers. The AAP is against walkers, but people still use them and they are still being sold in stores. 

    Is it the law in most states? In my state, rear-facing is only required until 1 and most families I know don't bother beyond that, but if OP lives in a state where it's not legal, then she has an option of just saying "hey, don't know if you're aware, but if you ever get pulled over, you might get a ticket for having LO front facing" That's less obnoxious than some of the alternatives. 

    Not to totally go off on a tangent, but I read up on that AAP advisement against walkers when we were given one from grandpa - AAP opposes them for two reasons. 1) If the child falls down the stairs in the walker, the kid would be more seriously hurt than if he fell down the stairs solo. Fair point, but we don't have stairs. 2) If the child tipped over into the toilet while in a walker, the kid could drown. Also fair point, but walkers are now manufactured so that the base is wider than a standard door opening. It doesn't fit through our bathroom doorway, so not possible to get to the toilet while in the walker. 3) Less of a walker-specific issue, but there's the general encouragement to have all non-snuggle, non-sleep time be floor time. Also fair, but activity centers and bouncy seats pose the same risk in this regard. So, we didn't return the walker and exchange it for an activity center, but we did get several well meaning expressions of concern. Turns out, I was the only one who had bothered to read up on *why* the AAP opposes them. Like I said, people generally know what they're doing when they make their decisions. 

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  • imagececilyandgautam:
    imageMomToNeeners:

    But back to the car seat issue...yes it is a parent's choice, but when it's the law, that's a little different. I know here in KS, it's the law to keep infants RFing until age 2. Also, they're not doing it to blow smoke up your backside.

    However it's the same with people who use walkers. The AAP is against walkers, but people still use them and they are still being sold in stores. 

    Is it the law in most states? In my state, rear-facing is only required until 1 and most families I know don't bother beyond that, but if OP lives in a state where it's not legal, then she has an option of just saying "hey, don't know if you're aware, but if you ever get pulled over, you might get a ticket for having LO front facing" That's less obnoxious than some of the alternatives. 

    2 is not the law in ANY state. Almost every state has "proper use" law, meaning that until x number of years children must be secured in a properly used car seat. Meaning that they must follow the manufacturer's specifications on the seat. If the seat specifies a weight, height, and age for minimum use, then all of those must be met for it to be legal. Example: all Dorel seats (Safety 1st, Cosco, and Maxi Cosi) have a 22lb, 1 year, and 32" minimum for FF. So a 23lb, 1 year old, who is 30" has not met the minimum, and it's therefore illegal to use in FF in a proper use state. Although, I doubt most law enforcement people would know this...

    S- March 09 E- Feb 12 L- May 15


  • imagesunnyday016:
    imagececilyandgautam:
    imageMomToNeeners:

    But back to the car seat issue...yes it is a parent's choice, but when it's the law, that's a little different. I know here in KS, it's the law to keep infants RFing until age 2. Also, they're not doing it to blow smoke up your backside.

    However it's the same with people who use walkers. The AAP is against walkers, but people still use them and they are still being sold in stores. 

    Is it the law in most states? In my state, rear-facing is only required until 1 and most families I know don't bother beyond that, but if OP lives in a state where it's not legal, then she has an option of just saying "hey, don't know if you're aware, but if you ever get pulled over, you might get a ticket for having LO front facing" That's less obnoxious than some of the alternatives. 

    2 is not the law in ANY state. Almost every state has "proper use" law, meaning that until x number of years children must be secured in a properly used car seat. Meaning that they must follow the manufacturer's specifications on the seat. If the seat specifies a weight, height, and age for minimum use, then all of those must be met for it to be legal. Example: all Dorel seats (Safety 1st, Cosco, and Maxi Cosi) have a 22lb, 1 year, and 32" minimum for FF. So a 23lb, 1 year old, who is 30" has not met the minimum, and it's therefore illegal to use in FF in a proper use state. Although, I doubt most law enforcement people would know this...

    Well that would explain why pretty much every other family on my block is forward facing - plenty of toddler carseats for sale at the nearest Babies R US only forward face and they are approved starting at 22 lbs :/  Some people may not know the benefits of continuing to rear face, but I think most people just decide based on "oh, isn't it more enjoyable for the baby to see what you see?"

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